Yesterday was a good day. Spent the day with the girl I love doing the things she loves. Little bit of context, this is the girl I have loved for three (almost four) years. Everything about her is not only something I've always wanted in a girl, but everything I've wanted for a wife as well. Her and I are practically the same person, and we've even talked as if we have some kind of future together... But fast forward past all the context, and back to the great day. It was as friends. Nothing more. She loves someone else. She doesn't know the extent of how much I love her, but I'm sure the rumors of my love for her have circled back to her. I haven't told her because I fear she not only already knows, but because she will never love me back... This guy that she is happy with, this girl that is so very happy with this guy; is it even right to love her as much as I do? I'd give anything and everything just to see her walk by... To make her happy I would walk across the entirety of space just for a smile... I've been in love before, but never like how I am with her. It hurts, every time I think of her. Every time I think of my future, and how it's gone without her. I pretty much twisted my entire life to get it to where I am now, as she is the personification of a happy ending. She would be what I go to school for, what I would get a job for; what I would strive my entire life for... just to wake up and tell her "good morning." I see so much happiness I can't have...all because I met her three (almost four) years ago out of sheer coincidence.

I've been seriously considering my life if I had never met her... I know there's less than a zero chance I would ever meet anyone like her; let alone better: if I never knew what I was missing, could I miss it? All the other girls I have loved, I could have been very happy with. I could have tied up our loose-ends, and easily gotten around to making my way to marriage with any of them... But... Now I don't want to. I don't want to have a relationship with anyone else, I can't. It's hard to explain how much I love her without changing the topic of this thread. Bottom line, I want her happy; and the only way to do that is without me... Even though we are best friends...and that her and I have helped eachother through so many hurdles... Without me getting in the way of her love, she could be happy. And that's all I want, because making others happy is what I do, it's what makes me happy...right? I don't even know who I am anymore, or if I am who I am because of her. We are so similar I don't know if I changed to match her, she changed to match me; or if we really are the same... I am in more pain than I have ever experienced and it's all in my head. I can't stand it, and I can't even move sometimes. I spent all day in bed today just trying to wrap my head around all this.

I want to forget her. All of her. If we never met, I would never feel all of this. But at the same time, if we never met; she's told me expressively that she doesn't know where she'd be (AKA, probably suicide by now) and the same goes for me. We probably would both be dead if we never met... But if we never met I wouldn't be wishing I were dead.

How can I forget such a big portion of my life. The brain as it is makes it almost impossible to forget the little things... Even in theory we never forget anything. Is there a way to truly forget? Or a way to just end everything before I hurt her? She's happy now, I should leave her like that. She doesn't need me as much as I need her... Probably just rambling at this point. I don't know anymore... Maybe I should just go back to sleep...

I'm kind of tearing up reading this :'3 you love her enough to leave her with someone else (that takes an incredible amount of strength; you have a big heart.) personally I think that you have multiple options;
1 - Leave her be: if just being her best friend and seeing her simile is enough to make you happy enough then do it. You'll never move on but if she made you better person then I'm sure that you'll fall in love again! I'm sure the one for you would still be out there waiting for you!
2 - Confess: tell her everything that you've just written here! Pour your heart out until there's nothing left! Tell (beg and plead!) her to give you one chance! And plan a day where you could show her what it would be like to be with you (like the perfect date!) And if she does reject you, just know that you gave it your all and have no regrets, you'd start new after and meet someone new as well. But with everything I've read, I really do believe that you have a chance! She could be just waiting for you to confess to her as well, or she maybe too scared to confess (like she'd lose her happiness at the moment; her current lover and best friend.)
I know how you feel (at least I think I do,) I've fallen for someone I've never even met, just by talking with them. I confessed the other day and it felt amazing, like the all the weight has been lifted off my heart! Even if he doesn't love me back, I just want him to be happy ^^ even if it's without me, but I'd know that I gave it my all! (I'd travel thousands of miles, cross a battle field, anything it takes to see him!) okay..... I should not make this about me, it's about you :3 personally I'd go with the second option. I wish you the best and that your love be requited! <3

Been there u gotta let her go the longer u hold on the more its gonna hurt. U know that u can't forget ur feelings for her. Ur always gonna want more. Let her go man.