It's annoying, painful at times, being how I am. Not that my life is terrible, but that I have convinced myself I am. Looking back at all I've accomplished, amounts to nothing more than a broken heart breaking more with every struggle. I've never been one to excel at really anything; I've never been the best, but I've never been the worst. As the other children grew and found something they could master--as the other children found a hobby, a love, a talent--I found myself riding 'average' in every subject, in every competition, in every show, in life.

"Good Job" they say.
"You sure gave it your best." they say.

As they go off to do great and marvelous things with their God-given talents and abilities, I was merely left behind. A memory. That one kid that probably won't amount to much. 18 years of believing them in all that was holding me back was my lack of a discovered talent.

"Everyone has one" they say.
"Keep looking. You'll find it." they say.

Though probably redundant to say at this point, I haven't. Tangible talents such as physical prowess in sports were ruled out first, next came educational talents where I was merely someone who blended in. I did the work, memorized the work, wrote the work on a paper, passed the class, forgot the work. Even the abstract talents such as listening, understanding, being a friend--even if they have limited openings as a future career--I never became more than a kid who could offer an encouraging word when the time came, or that friend that could cheer you up on a really bad day. Not a kid that you would consider your best friend, or a kid you would consider dating, or even getting to know. Just, "that kid." "That kid," if suddenly vanished, suddenly no longer existing, the few that would notice wouldn't even care after a week. No stamps on mankind, no great influences, nothing anyone else wouldn't have done infinitely better. Nothing to contribute to the group other than foolish ideas that would never leave the ground.

"Just find something you love doing." they say.
"What do you do when you're bored?" they say.

But even now, there isn't anything I've done happily out of boredom. What is done out of boredom is done out of boredom. Just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you like it. Just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you're talented in it. An ability is not a talent, a career, a hobby; it is merely an ability. Nobody I have spoken to on this matter understands that. Nobody seems to grasp the simple concept.

"Just because I know how to f*cking clean a toilet doesn't mean it's my favorite f*cking thing in the entire f*cking planet. And just because I know how, DO NOT ASSUME I AM THE F*CKING TOILET CLEANING LEGEND. DO NOT ASSUME THAT IT WAS MY F*CKING GOD-GIVEN TALENT." I say.

But only in my mind. How I want to say that to all the counselors, teachers, neighbors, family, friends... But without the sense of feeling useless--those who found what they love, those that have something they're good at, or even those that have a glimpse of where they want to be--no matter what I try cannot seem to register in their minds how I feel. Just as without a tongue you couldn't describe the sweetest lemon-drop; or without eyes describe the most vibrant red. It seems all I do now is waste away on the internet, waiting for a reply from someone I texted hours ago; waiting for something different to happen. Waiting for something, anything, to change. Something magical, or at the very least unexpected. If everyone has had a miracle, where is mine? How can there be people so happy in the world, and I can't even figure out what I like doing? Because I am useless. I can't do anything because I haven't done anything. Whole dictionaries exist, full of things I can't do very well--I gave up on them. What am I good for, really? What purpose do I serve? Who am I going to save? I am going nowhere. I am useless.

I'm coming out to you, because I'm sure many of you have been in the same situation; this humble group of outcasts. I know my problem sounds really silly and childish, and I shouldn't be as depressed over it as often as I am... I'm looking for ideas. New talents to try I haven't thought of. New ways to twist my failures into something that may actually work. Just someone to prove me wrong, someone that can release me from these feelings of just being a burden. I have to be wrong. I always am.

I think I know how you feel. I'm the kid who chose a major just because I had to. When people ask me what I'm planning on being after college, I just shrug and say I haven't figured it out yet. I'm not particularly good at the things I enjoy. I pass the time by looking at my computer screen.

You seem to have a way with words. I won't say I enjoyed reading about your problems, that's not the right word for it, but the way you wrote about them...I just liked the way the words sounded. I don't know much about you, I can't tell what you're good at because I've never known you apart from what I've seen on this site, but I believe you'll find something. Maybe you seem lost now, but this is just the beginning. Now let this humble outcast help you. Let her tell you that you are worth something.

I know i can't relate much to what you are saying, i have what I'm good and bad at, i think i can at least offer some kind of time go help.
Personally, i don't think there's anything wrong with the idea that you havn't "mastered" you can't master anything because that would assume you could do it perfectly, and that is a physical impossibility as there is always some way to improve. Instead of focusing on whether you good at it or not, you should focus on whether you enjoy doing it. In the end, that's what matters. Your worth is not determined by the talents you possess, but the effort you put forth in how you chose to go about carrying out activities. I can tell you your worth just as much as i am, how do i know? Because your a human beings. Simple, and there are people plenty like you who don't have any real thing they are "good" at persay, but defining something as "good" or "bad" or "average" is subjective to whom is interpreting and judging. Just like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so is your worth. It's all how you choose to look at it.

As a fellow member i will easily tell you that you are worth no less than me, or anyone else who comes here :) you are you, and what makes you "you" is what YOU choose to do with yourself. so again, do not focus on what truely defines you as being "talented" or "good", because from the perspectives of those who are "bad" or "below average" you are indeed good at whatever it is your doing.

Again, your talent is not the source of your worth, your effort put forth and the attitude in which you bring it do :) so chin up and stop worrying about it, all hat matters is whether or not your having fun or not :)

>>2 And yes, it is beautiful how he/she can express his/her feelings. and i think it is a talent in it's own myself. So i think you have a beautiful way of expressing how you feel

I think know the feeling pretty well too, but I don't know if I can help you in any way with finding out what the grand plan for your life should be. I don't know what mine is, and I'm starting to think the chances are pretty slim that I ever will.

But while waiting for 'that big thing' to happen, or for that big realization to hit you, that's exactly what you're doing, just waiting. And in my personal experience just sitting and waiting is a terrible idea. It's important, even if you don't know exactly where you're going, to somehow move forward. Do anything, even the smallest change of pace can count, just don't get stuck, because the longer you sit waiting, the more bogged up in your own thoughts and problems you become and the harder it is to get out.

Loneliness exacerbates this kind of feeling, and from what I gather you have trouble with that as well. Having someone you know cares about you, that you can lean on and get encouragement from really makes a huge difference, and not having that really chips away at you. Don't give up on people based on past experiences, because, well, you can't really live alone and closing yourself off is a bad idea as well.

This is all just nonsense, but what I'm saying is that finding a purpose for yourself can be painstaking and take a whole lot of time, so in the mean time you have to not let yourself get in a rut you can't get out of. If nothing you currently do makes you happy, there's no other way to find out what will other than at lest attempting to do it. Don't look at how others found their happiness because you're not them and it might be a lot harder for you but that doesn't mean you should give up.

Honestly, you sound like a Jack-of-all-trades, master of none, which is a tallent in itself. I myself have one of these "God-given talents", but it's the only thing I'm good at. While you feel like "that one kid who merely passes every subject" and people like me "have this one amazing talent" I'm left feeling like this one thing is the only thing I'm good at, while people like you can at least do SOMETHING with everything else. I'll get the highest marks in maths and science, and answer questions those teachers once thought were impossible. But I fail everything else. Not even a pass like you. I only know one language, and I'm not even fluent in it. I can't even make a sandwich properly. Can you at least feed yourself? Even when typing, I have to type one letter at a time, with only my index fingers, because I'm just THAT clumsy. Can you carry a glass of water from one end of the room to another without dropping it? Being "average" in everything is not a bad thing. It means you're good enough. I struggle with school more than you do because I have to stretch my one "talent" as far as it can go, and then some, to at least make up for everything else.

I've found in life that a lot of the natural born talented people tend to fall flat latter in life. They lack drive and determination to push themselves any further. While the "average" people know that they don't have natural talent and therefore they strive to push themselves even harder to become better. So my point is find something that you love to do and stick with it and with time you'll just be good at it at.

"DO NOT ASSUME I AM THE F*CKING TOILET CLEANING LEGEND. DO NOT ASSUME THAT IT WAS MY F*CKING GOD-GIVEN TALENT." xD this is so funny! ROFL

Dont try to find it because its just tiring and dont be so negative because you just making your feelings more worst and feel down and think you can't do anything.Thats what life is....and maybe you already have a talent that you just not notice it or maybe you are shy to show it to everyone thats why you think that you don't have any talent.

If anything, you seem to have a talent in writing. Just a thought. I really felt what you were saying. Did you even edit what you wrote? It feels like you poured your heart straight out, and what came out were silver words, easy on the eye, delectable to the soul.

You're drowning yourself, Butterfly. Your words are so well-spun because maybe, just perhaps, there is a part of you that has grown too comfortable with your situation. This is not to say that you like it per se, but rather that you've begun to indulge yourself in misery.
Think about it like this. Split your life into productive things and non-productive things. Productive things further your life by improving you personally or widening your capabilities or expanding your horizons. Non-productive things do very little of this or none. Non-productive things can be indulgent or destructive or complacent. If, in light of your personal values and goals, the fraction of non-productive things in your life is greater than productive, then your life is being wasted.Thoughts are the same way.

Many people have grown way too comfortable with their misery. They would rather moan and cry and lament about their situation than make an effort to change it. They would rather be non-productive than productive. Because it's scary, isn't it. What if you fail? What if you prove to yourself that you were just as average as you thought? People are afraid of that which they cannot be certain of, and so, many are afraid to seize their future.

You say, Butterfly, that you are waiting for your miracle. Your change.

We don't live in a fairytale universe. In this world, it's either climb up or be trampled down. Be useful or be cast aside. Chances are, there will be no miracle.

Sure, you can wait around for it. Maybe it'll even arrive, lucky bastard.

But if you are brave enough, you'll place your future in your own hands and do something. It is good to know the achievements of others, and to feel some sort of pressure in comparing yourself, but your self-comparison has far exceeded the boundaries of self-improvement and have dragged into self-indulgence instead.

Can you see it? Are you angry at me for accusing you of these things?

In reality, talent is a rare thing. How should you know that all those 'talented' people around you aren't working their hardest while you waste your time on the internet? And why should you care whether they are or not?

Be productive, Butterfly. You have the tools and the ability to be a lot more than who you are now. Make your own miracle before it can come to you. It doesn't matter if you're not the best. In the end, society wants someone who is useful. Society loves someone who is useful. Then you won't be a burden anymore, right?

If you want more practical advice, ask. There are forums all over the place and people everywhere. The world is literally your mollusc.

>>7: You are right. I am one such person and now I am finding that if I do not apply myself like others have been doing for years, I will fall way below their level, talent or not.