I guessi should start off by saying this isn't my first time putting something up on here, I did a message a long while back about my life and how crappy it was and how my mom was always sick and I worried about her...well I guess now I shouldn't say I worry anymore because in late march she passed away after three months of horrific cancer which went from her lymphatic system to her lungs (both), liver, and bones. Now I am only 17 and I have been through my mom having breast cancer previously as well as 25 surgeries which I helped her through has a sort of nurse but ever since she died I have been depressed. Ive suffered ptsd like symptoms since them having minor flashbacks about the day of her death because im the one who found her. I could just really use some help with the moving on phase? I don't really know how to describe it, I just could use something to help me get out of this rut because since she died I have had to move in with my grandparents, leave my hometown and highschool as I enter my last year as a senior, and I feel completely alone because my mom was really all I had. So, can anyone help out or offer some words of wisdom?

I haven't lost anyone that closely blood related but I did lose one of my cats. Now that doesn't sound like a very terrible loss but it really was; it hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't move for days. It's been about two years since that day and yes I've moved on. After all of the depression, I started to question why he had to die; we've adopted two more kittens and if he was still alive we wouldn't have saved them. So in my search of answering the question of why he had to die, I thought that maybe I was doing the wrong things in life; before his death I was trying to be popular, get a boyfriend, and was neglecting my studies; I also wasn't a very nice person and had hurt a lot of people so I swore on his grave that I wouldn't let his death be a waste and vowed to be a nicer person striving for success in life. Since then I have made a very close friend through an act of kindness; she showed me anime and here I am now.
I felt his presence around though, and I know that he is watching me; I'm sure that your Mom is watching over you as well.
That's my story and I know that it must be hard for you but please, take your time because only time heals wounds, take it as a sign, use it to look ahead and really consider what you want to do with your life so that everything that your Mom taught you won't be a waste. Everyone moves on differently, and I can't tell you to do the same things that I have, but DON'T GIVE UP!! The Dollars are here for you if you need our help!
My condolences and I wish you the best.

Recently, I've had a couple years of nothing but straight death in my family. My Opa (German for grandfather) was the first to go. His death was especially hard because I hadn't had anyone as close to me as him die before. Before his death, he went through a stage of...delusion. He thought that the nurses were trying to kill him and he was pleading with my Oma (German for grandmother) to get help. It was very hard to watch. He hugged me, crying because he, a Chief Master Sergeant, was afraid. He thought I was in danger and afraid. I was there for his last birthday. Eventually, his situation got so bad that he couldn't see and he couldn't really tell what was going on at all. My father finally decided to let the doctors let him go so he wouldn't suffer any more.

My Oma died not too long after of cancer, I believe. The stress of my Opa's passing was just too much. They brought her home so she would be more comfortable. She passed right in our living room and I didn't even know because I was in the back. My dad didn't come and get me because he was afraid to leave her. He was scared she might go without him, which I completely understand.

Next was my Grandmother on my mother's side. She died after a brain surgery. Her funeral was held the day before my birthday.

Next was a cat that I had only had for a year whose death could have easily been avoided had it not been for a careless vet.

Then a dog whom I've known literally my entire life. Then another beloved dog who belonged to my step-father that I had adopted into my heart.

Even after all of this, I've held my head up, waiting for that glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. I found a nickel collection that my Opa and I started three and a half years ago. I found a music box my Oma gave me from Germany. I found some old Christmas presents my grandmother never got to give to me. My cat had a beautiful kitten with my other cat whom I kept and is just like him. And my two dogs are buried out back and I talk to them every chance I get.

I'm sure your mother wouldn't have wanted you to be depressed. Whatever your religion, your mother is always with you in one way or another. Be it in spirit or in memory. Accept your past and embrace what lies ahead. I'm not saying to just toss your mother aside, of course not. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a parent in such a way. I know it will still hurt for a while... It's not going to be easy. But if you just keep your head up... If you just remind yourself of everything I said... I hope your pain will be lessened... I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope I helped at least a little.... -Lots of Love and Luck from Lawli-

Frankly I'm rather tired and can't be bother explaining all my losses so I'll just get right to the point. I know how hard it is losing someone close to you to disease or other means, and I know it's not easy to get over. This is my advice:
Don't ever let death slow you down. It hurts, but it hurts for a reason. It's a barrier we have to overcome, and eventually you will.
But don't rush it. Take time to grieve and then, when you're ready, move on. Take advantage of moving in with your grandparents, and take advantage of change. And whenever you need help, remember, there are people who care about you. Be it your grandparents or your friends or even us Dollars, someone will always be there to stick by you.
The one statement I always found to be true in my life is that which does not kill you makes you stronger. It will get better if you want it to. And we all hope it gets better for you, so I'm sure it will.

My mother died of lung cancer when I was 13. At first I thought I was fine, that I managed to get over it fairly quickly, but it turned out I was just suppressing everything, and one year later, when it finally hit me, things got so bad I tried killing myself. I remember I felt so alone and everything seemed drained of meaning. Last year, a similar thing happened to a friend. Her mother was very ill for a very long time and then died. My friend tried to be strong through it all, so she didn't let herself feel anything and is even now suffering the consequences. So, my advice to you is no matter what you do don't try to suppress your sadness, it has to be dealt with, sooner or later, and sooner is much healthier. I know you probably feel horrible, but as long as you accept it, though it might take some time, it WILL pass. Talking also helps a lot, not only about your feelings(although that's important, too) but also about the person you've lost, about all the good memories you have of her. And books- they have a way of teasing out emotions we would rather keep in, in a way that makes them easier to deal with than facing them head on. Just keep in mind you won't feel this way forever- there will always be some sadness, yes, but some day there won't be any pain and you will be able to think of your mother and smile, I promise.

I can't empathise with you luckily as no one close to me has passed away yet. However I would agree with S.E. that talking helps particularily with someone you're very familiar with and is good at listening.