Dollars BBS | Personal

feed-icon

Main

News

Animation

Art

Comics

Films

Food

Games

Literature

Music

Personal

Sports

Technology

Random

I Don't Feel Alive (5)

1 Name: Shade !8NBuQ4l6uQ : 2013-07-02 01:40 ID:AMs6dIWD [Del]

Just as the title says. I don't feel alive. I feel like a machine that performs the same routine day in and day out. I look at my parents, and they seem quite happy just living day to day, even though they do the same things every single day of the week. I don't find life very interesting. It's boring and uneventful. I live out in the countryside, where nothing ever happens and you can't do anything unless you have some form of transportation. I don't even live in a town. I'm practically isolated from the world. During the school year, I get up at the crack of dawn, I eat breakfast, get dressed, catch the bus, sit through the same 4 classes, leave on the bus several hours later, get home, and then just sit in one spot for what's left of the day. On weekends, I go to my dads. He picks me up at 7pm on Friday nights or early saturday mornings, then I get to his place, and do what I always do. Go into my room, shut the door, and sit on my computer of play games all day. Then I leave on a Sunday night, and repeat the week over again. During the summer, I just sit around all day. A machine that performs the same day to day routines with very little deviation or excitement. The only time that I honestly ever feel alive, is when i'm playing a game with a great story or watching anime. I long for those sorts of lives, where everything is interesting and constantly changing. But my life is just stagnant.

2 Name: Ashleigh-Jade : 2013-07-02 02:30 ID:rlM6KSDk [Del]

Stagnancy...
I think everyone has a stage in their life when they feel stagnant. My life is pretty repetitive too. It would seem to me that it makes more of an impact on a person's mentality if they are somewhat emotionally unbalanced or detached like myself.
Life has never really seemed interesting to me, but it's just something I've learned to ignore. I sort of cling on to the hope that eventually, one day I'll stumble across something that will make my life less boring and less stagnant.
I can't honestly say I know anyone with a constantly interesting life. Everyone around me simply runs through phases of happy and stressed.
I think it's important for everyone to remember to hope. By the sounds of it, you're young, so you've got plenty of time ahead of you to find something out there that really means something to you, whether it be an object, a person or an activity.

3 Name: Shade !8NBuQ4l6uQ : 2013-07-02 03:09 ID:AMs6dIWD [Del]

I'm 17, heading into my senior year of High School this Autumn. My grades are at least a D Average, and at most a C Average. My grade point average is 1.65. I tried to completely change my life, just for a year. I wanted to go on a full-year study abroad trip to Japan. I felt that perhaps, going to Japan, one of the countries i'm most interested in, could make my life more interesting, fill that gap in this emotionless shell I call a body. I started planning for the trip last September, even found the program I wanted to use to get there. I talked with my Guidance Counselor twice and sent tons of emails to the representative from AFS-USA. Then, in February, the rep asked me what my grade point average was. I didn't even know what that was. So the next day I went to my guidance counselor and asked about it. She told me it was a 1.65... I needed at least a 3.0 to go to Japan for an entire year. So my plans were crushed.

I've been this way for years, though I didn't notice until last year. I've practically become disinterested with everything. I've tried finding things that mean something to me... but there practically is nothing. Video games mean a lot to me, so do anime, but i'm no artist, perhaps a writer sure, but not that good. I may be good with computers, but I suck at working with code or modeling programs. I thought about being an astronomer because I love looking up at the stars at night, but I gave up on that soon after I rediscovered that forgotten passion because there was no way I could afford to go to a fancy college, let alone even get into one due to my GPA. As of late, Voice Acting has been my passion, even took one of Crispin Freemans classes just a week ago. I love doing it, and I wouldn't mind having it for a career, but the problem is, in my current mental state, I can't even get up out of this chair, let alone move to a city. I don't have any physical items that are precious to me. I love my family to death, and my friends are alright, but I often feel I don't belong with them. I wish I had someone precious in my life, but i've been alone for years, with no end to that loneliness in sight.

It might help to mention, that i'm an Introvert. It means i'm inward thinking, more self-concious. I can determine my problems, and think of ways to fix some of them, but not everything, especially those that might require help from others. Speaking of which, its really hard for me to ask for help. I prefer to do things on my own.

I came here first, hoping someone might be able to tell me how to get through this. I've been dealing with it for many years, and as I said, only as of last year did I become aware of it. Would it be wise to try seeing a Psychologist or Psychotherapist?

4 Name: Ashleigh-Jade : 2013-07-02 03:40 ID:rlM6KSDk [Del]

Perhaps seeing a psychologist would be a good route to go down, I don't know much about how they work but they're supposed to be good people.
I'm 17 as well, so I don't exactly have a whole ton of worldly experience. Taking that VA class was probably also a good step in the right direction, if you can convince yourself to keep at it (maybe not the best time to say this, but I'm way jealous you went to one of his classes). While not an introvert myself, I have trouble connecting with people. I'm terrified of sharing the things I'm actually feeling on the inside with my friends, with anyone really, because I don't know how they'd react and I'm scared of actually being alone. I had my mentor-assigned careers guidance session last week, and I burst into tears because she pushed me about what I wanted to do with my life and why I had decided to go on an exchange. I literally can't deal with it when people pay that sort of attention to me, and I haven't yet figured out a plausible reason as to why. She just thinks I was crying because I was stressed, but I don't think I'm actually capable of feeling stress.
If my brain didn't pretty much subconsciously process information from my classes I probably would have failed my exchange application as well.
I'm sorry if this seems all over the place, it really sort of is, I'm not all that good at giving advice and putting my thoughts in order.
Just... hold on to that VA ambition. Even when you can't bring yourself to do anything, hold onto that thought that you like doing that, that you can do it. Talking things through with someone, even just to get it off your chest and not to get their own opinion on it (and I do know how hard it is to ask for help, I literally never do, not even in class, because I always feel like I'm supposed to know everything or it embarasses me because no-one else seems to have the same problems as me).
Does talking with strangers help? I know that I've spent quite a while ranting about all the stuff I don't understand about myself and the way people see me on my anonymous twitter, and even if no-one reads them it sometimes feels good just to know that I've tried to share what I'm feeling.

5 Name: S.E. : 2013-07-02 05:21 ID:TUcPO7i7 [Del]

>>1 I used to have the same problem. Well,sometimes I still do but on a somewhat larger scale. As I see it, all of humanity has been repeating the same pattern over and over again ever since the dawn of civilization. Sure, a lot has changed, but the things that matter the most- what we want, how we act- are basically the same, and no one except me seems to be troubled by that.
So,long story short,I've reached the conclusion that it's not what you do that's important, but how you do it. I don't think there is one person in the world whose life can't be seen as repetitive and suffocatingly dull from a certain perspective. And equally, something that seems boring on the surface can be anything but, depending on how you experience it.
The point is, don't think that there is nothing you can do to make your daily life more interesting just because it's not very eventful. But if you're really not satisfied, you have to do something- you can't just sit around and wait for things to change, or something exciting to happen. After all, there are no guarantees it ever will, so I think it's wrong to do nothing and count on things to sort themselves out.
Since I don't know you personally, I can't tell you exactly what to do, but I'm certain that if you try you can find things that interest you, hobbies you could take up, things you could have fun learning, different ways to express yourself, a new perspective...
The important thing is to remember that things are just things, they are not good or bad, interesting or boring, in themselves. It's how we perceive them makes them so, and perception can always be subject to change.