I kinda gave up. I don't think I'm ever really going to do anything with my life. I'm 20 i don't date often. I like my job but i don't think it's going anywhere ( i work at Starbucks and i get the feeling its mostly burnouts. 7 months) i stopped going to school i stopped playing the guitar.the feelings of living hand to mouth with bills is bullshit and honestly i get depressed with every paycheck. Whether or not i even have friends i don't even know. I'm just tired. I always dreamed about seeing the world, but as i look at things realistically i come to the conclusion that there's no real difference between here and there....thanks for reading i really just needed to get things off my chest. Maybe things will change someday. I know myself and that is all. Thanks Again.

First things first, you are not going to get anywhere if you quit. The thing is, everything in this world revolves around money. The only legit way to get money is to work. The only way to get a legitimate job that pays well is to go to school. In your case, it seems like the only way you will get through more schooling is by getting rid of your depression. You should first try to either A find a passion to get your mind off of things(be it painting, playing an instument or so on) or B get some sort of help. The bottom line is, you want a change in life style and the only way to do that is to get more money. Then you start working at the smaller things like relationships and so on. Hope i helped in some way. Good luck. P.S. going to school may alow you to find some friends which will help you as well.

I feel the same way sometimes. Every day seems the same, being stuck in a loop, and no matter how hard I try it seems like every force in the universe is working against me. I feel like I am slowly making progress. I try and study whatever catches my interest. I'm slowly trying to get more active by working out, or at least stretching everyday. I'm looking at my life and trying to notice all the bad and negatives that hold me back and bring me down. I'm trying to filter them out my life. Noticing these things take time. Setting things straight seems to take longer. I'm slowly adjusting going at a comfortable pace for me. I'm taking vitamins, As silly as it sounds it is a good start. Also along with what I eat. When I take my vitamins I notice I stay up a little longer and feel better than when I don't have them. I'm spending less time wondering why I feel so crappy and have more time to focus on what I need to be doing. Its a small step but it is helping me. I am going to be trying to come back here. I would very much like to help if I can.

im in a similar boat as you are and your revelation is the crushing truth of reality. you want to know how adults become jaded, well your living it as are the majority of humans who have to work and pay bills for a living. the world is a boring cruel unfair world, a place where dreams go to die. unless you born rich or somehow become quite lucky in the way of talent/ability or some amazing and rare situation one is usualy destined to become just another nobody, a nothing in this spinning mudball we call a planet. sounds negative, this is true but its still the truth non the less, even if I wish it was not, lol

Yeah that's pretty negative lol. I like to think of it as every body is in their own place for a reason. Like they are the only person who can be that person, fill that space. I can't say I hate my space to fill, It has it's good and bad like any other. I have some very nice moments and also some very crappy ones. But I feel I am well not the only one to be able to go through the crappy moments, maybe just best suited for them. I believe It is up to the person who fills that space to make things the way they want or choose. Everyone fights everyday, Fighting through life. They have the strength needed to get through these obstacles whether they know it or not. I feel most the time people forget or give up. I know I need to remember this at times and I too forget. Well anyways just my thoughts on that

I've been there...sometimes I'm still there. But here is something you need to remember: you are 20, that's not really a lotof experience in life yet. Maybe you could try a new hobby, like drawing, or astronomy, or writing? What things do you like doing? What things do you do when you have free time? Tell us and maybe we can help you find some kind of general direction to try to go in life, or a least a place to start.
Sorry if i'm not very coherent, i don't have many experience giving advice

"I always dreamed about seeing the world, but as i look at things realistically i come to the conclusion that there's no real difference between here and there..." If you're implying that you were happy before your brush with realism then my advice to you is to think UN-realistically. If everyone thought realistically then most people wouldn't have dreams or goals. There's no logic in reason. I believe what you're looking for is a change in your lifestyle. Life can be repetitive if your stuck in a rut. Join a club, volunteer, get a new job and meet some new people It may seem like simple things but trust me, simple things can lead to big changes. Good or bad... (It might just might make you MORE tired physically and mentally as you claim you are) or it can enlighten you.

@anon isn't that just switching one thing for another though? @@Xenon. Interesting enough i do write

He pulled his car up slowly as the radio talk show host was signing off. " ...okay that's about it folks, to all my listeners out there it's about 10:30 am and... Ah my producer just handed a weather report and it seems that a rain storm is coming in so be careful on the roads with that have a good day and thanks for listening to K-PIL." he turned his car off and he notices the drizzle running down the wind shield. " wow they work fast " he thought to himself. He closed the car door and walked slowly up to the house. It was a modest home, a town house two stories high the windows a muddy color desperately needing a wash; the steps leading up to the door sullied with moss and vines running up the hand rails. As he put his key in the lock he heard an echo as he turned, a ring went throughout the house. He stood there for a second hesitant to enter hoping there wasn't a burglar or murderer just waiting beside the entrance with his arm stretched out and his finger taut on a pistol trigger, finally he felt the rain starting to rain down a bit harder and went inside.

There wasn't anybody there

He looked up and glanced at the stairs, solid oak , a deep brown shimmering with the little sun poking through the muddy windows , giving them a slight hue of red. The chair beside the entrance a sort of vomit green facing towards the living room where there resided the long sofa with a television looming above it hanging on the wall. A lamp standing atop the coffee table and a pile of what seemed to be papers, books, magazines and journals. He turned around closing the door ever so slightly not making any noise at all. He started walking towards the living room taking off small articles of clothing with every step. First his hat, then his tie with his jacket following soon after. He throw himself over the couch and landed face first into the arm rest his face snuggling against the soft material that if he was asked what it it was he would reply " it's a couch" his eyes slowly started getting heavier and he slowly drifted into sleep.

He awoke several hours later the sky a dark grey and the windows now clean because of the heavy rain cleaning the world out side his house. He reached for the remote and pressed power . Nothing came on, the power was undoubtedly out and there was no telling when exactly it would be up again. To keep himself occupied he started going the pile on the coffee table. It was full of old romance novels expired offers and old issues of cosmopolitan magazine. He wad annoyed at the amount of junk and in a fit of annoyance tossed it onto the floor. A book was hidden under; it's leather face black in wear and tear, it's pages yellow with age yet even though the words were still focused, still readable it was surprising really.

The electricity went out

It was still light out but grey from the sky; the once disgusting windows were now crystal clear from the showers. He could here laughter outside most likely from the neighbor hood kids; it never seemed to end the rain or the laughing both would ring through the empty house. He picked up the book and began to read. It was mediocre at best it was a detective novel about a private eye somewhere in Los Angeles. It had all the classic clichés: a drunk detective, a femme fatale, corrupt city officials, the murder of a supposedly innocent small town girl in the big city. It was about twenty pages in that a distant memory came flooding back to his head. As a child he would read; not goosebumps or other R.L Stine books that others would read but he was drawn to others for some reason. Robert Frost, J.D Salinger and Fitzgerald were among his favorites. But the strange thing was that he would only read in a certain place, every day he would walk into his restroom and turn on the shower and sit on the floor his back against the door; for some reason he felt at peace. nothing can touch him nothing would bother him he would just listen and read he stopped this during middle school perhaps he figured out other ways to rid his stress or perhaps he just forgot but what he was sure of was that it was something he missed among other things.

It was dark out by the time he finished. He stood up slowly and gradually walked out the door and unto the stoop. He sat on the steps his head resting on his knees as he was staring out the distance he noticed the buildings on his block. They all had candles on there windows. They all had a glowing effect filtering through caused by the rain the windows, their light reflecting off the many cars, puddles and trees. He looked up and water ran down his cheeks.

I wrote that in 2011?