Warning, a person bad at english here, please don't be mad or comment my grammar or spelling mistakes, I just want help for my lunatic act!

So , to the point, I'm so sick and tired of this shit called life.
Part of it is because of my stupid ass mother.
Today, I know this doesn't sound too bad, but I'll explain later what the hell makes me pissed of about this.
See, when we were eating dinner we were having a great time and laughing, great huh? I said, "well, I thought that while you go out with the dog, I take a shower. Sounds good?"
"Yeah! Sure, do that!" She said happy.
So I did.
When I went out of the shower and she came home. I was listening to music, minding my own business. Nothing bad so far, right? Wait.
Out of nowhere she comes out from the bathroom and fucking yells at me!
"What the hell!!! How manny times do I have to tell you that you have to wipe the water up after you shower!! You're so damn lazy, you can't even take the fucking food away from the damn table!!! Do you know how damn frustrating this is!? I've been up ever sense 06:30 to day!!!"
Ha!She thinks she has it bad!? She always told me that school was great for her, for me... I get hit and bullied in school, I've been cutting myself and was really close to cut my veins (and she knows it), I've been having a hard time eating for a while now, I can't sleep at night, I go to bed at 22:00 and don't fall asleep until 02:15, then I dream nightmares that wakes up the old habit of cutting myself, the kids in school bullies me for being gay, and I feel bad for my close friend that feels the same way I do. No, not the gay-way, but cutting yourself and that stuff. This friend is kind enough to act like a cupel with, not because I love this friend, because I don't, but so that I shall not be afraid of being gay. Then the bullies comes and makes us kiss. It's awful. I feel like I have completely ruined my friends reputation. When they hit me, I feel like, it doesn't hurt, I feel the pain, but it feels good somehow. My friends is always there for me though, but it happens when their not around. They say it's bad that I let them come to me when I can fight back, but I want to feel the pain so bad so it kills me so this will be over with. They help me cover up my wounds before class and stuff, and I don't cut anymore, but the desire is still there.
If anyone knows a way to be stronger and feel better for myself, please, help. I don't want to act like a lunatic anymore. Once the pain felt so good that I got knocked out, so it stood absent in the school records, and mom got mad for thinking she got a child that she has to be disappointed in.
I don't want to feel bad anymore, I know I sound selfish, but please. Should I really end it all? It's not like anyone but my mom, sister and "gay friend" will actually care.

Dude just calm down. You're not the only one who has the biggest problem in the whole wide word. I feel your pain but come to think of it. You get to eat three times a day (I guess). You educate yourself in a school which you clearly don't spend your own money with it. You still have friends. Just, I don't know, think that there are many people who has bigger problems than you. Like the people in Africa (idk which part of it but I'm referring the ones that are poor). They obviously skip meals cause you know they're so poor they can't afford to feed themselves. Other people have to work like part-time job to go to school. Others are just sitting there, no friends to talk with.

What am I saying is, that's life, you can't just wish or expect it to be such a grandeur. No matter how brilliant other people are they still have problems. Problems are inevitable. Even I have my own problems especially with my mother. What am I doing when those things arrive? I just understand it. It's for my future. Mistakes are part of your life, I still consider it a thing that makes you who you are later on. Don't mind those filthy brats calling you some sort of stuffs. Just ignore them.

Here's the thing. If you can't beat them physically, then beat them mentally. When an argument starts, use some logical explanation which I gain from reading books and expanding my vocabulary (still I have a shitty grammar I guess).

And please, stop that cutting your wrist and craps thing. I think that's the gay part of it cause I think emo's are gay (no offense but only emo's do that). If you want to express yourself then listen to music, or put yourself into a hobby where you can put your passion in it but make if safe for yourself also.

And one thing, no one messes with silent people.

I don't vut my waists unless I really want to kill myself! I cut slightly on the back of my neck, back of my arm and my legs!

Easy there Ayase! That reply might not be what you looked for, but see it like this, he/she was kind enough to point out the good stuff in your life. You have friends, and it might be hard for you to eat but you have opportunity to eat if you feel like it- Your mom cares about you, and I'm sure that the shitholes that bullies you are coming to your funeral with the biggest knife twisting in their chests for taking it to far. You're a smart dude, you cut at places were no one looks, smart, but still bad.

I'm sure that you think that the physical pain eases the emotional one, it does doesn't it, but only for near seconds, it's not worth time nor effort from your oh so precious time.
Don't cut, it will make your life more awful than it already is, 'kay? I'm sure you're smart enough to figure out a way to hurt the bullies with or without violence.
You have your whole life ahead of you, don't make the "few people" as you call it, suffer from your actions of killing yourself.

Yeah, I know, but it still makes me mad!!
But, thank you "Sherlock" for telling me what an idiot I am... I really mean it, no joke! Ant thank you "Syo" for making me look in to "Sherlocks" comment. It helped...

*and*

Everyone has their own problems. Your mom has to deal with stuff, and obviously, you have problems of your own, too. This thread isn't about who has to deal with the most problems, guys, it's about making OP be a stronger person like they want to be.

Now, I understand it if you like pain. Believe it or not a lot of people like feeling pain for multiple reasons, but please don't do self harm or inflict it on yourself in anyway. It won't make you stronger.

Personally, when I was facing depression, I started biking outside at night during the summer. It felt so good, and I got so fit I felt better about myself mentally and physically. Things like exercising and eating healthy, while cliche, actually do work.

But if your looking for other ways you can always try and go to more social events. Take your friend and go out somewhere with lots of other people and try to make more friends.

I hope that helped :)

>>1 And also,if you do seem to have problems with your mom, and it does end up as a habitual issue, there is always the option of an intervention. Just for you to gather around with your family, and discuss everyone's problems. I'm sure that coming out to your mom in a calmer way will help her explain why she acts the way she does. (i do not mean to say you don't act calmly with your mother already, i would believe you if you said it's all her starting the screaming, not trying to upset.)
As to the cutting issue, i can understand that it may have felt it will help you, but your hurting yourself more by doing that. It doesn't help. I'll refer you back to >>7 as this is good advice to follow. There are better ways of expressing yourself and letting out your emotions, i personally listen to music i can relate to, or talk to my friends about what's wrong. I hope it all goes well for you my friend, stay strong and best of luck to you.

Hey I'm here for you dude my friend Ian fout used to cut him self but I helped him through it and il help you if you ever wanna talk I'm really sorry you had to go through that I'm not on a lot but I'll help you the best I can