I am aware that perhaps this doesn't warrant its own thread, and I do apologise if that is indeed the case, but people, I need some advice.

Okay, so I'm 17 years old. I have 2 more years of obligatory school ahead of me. And I have close to no social life, one or two not-so-close friends, who I rarely if ever see outside of school. Which is kinda my problem. I want a better social life, but no matter how hard I try, nobody's willing to spend more time with me than they have to.

This isn't for lack of trying. Honestly, I've tried so fucking hard to befriend more people. I do my best to talk with pretty much anyone I meet, I'm always smiling, I always show interest in whatever someone's talking about and sometimes I even actively go into the interests of casual acquaintances, just so next time we have something to talk about.

But then, when I ask someone if they want to come over, or if they want to go do something sometime, or fucking anything, the answer is always no. Seriously, how the hell do you go about doing something like this?

...okay, so maybe that's going too far. Let's try this, then.

Whenever I try to engage someone in conversation, they'll feign interest for a bit, then they'll just brush me off when they see someone else they know? I don't understand it, what's the deal? This isn't just a few people. This is almost everybody I come into contact with. Everybody else either just doesn't talk to me or gets absorbed into a group conversation that I end up getting cut out of. Seriously, what's the deal? I don't understand what my problem is.

Any suggestions or advice here would be appreciated.

Well, you have two options.

Option #1: Go into further detail regarding how you converse, who is it with, what are you wearing and how do you look, where are you at, and how long it usually lasts. Do you know the other person enough to know his/her interests? Do you try bringing it up in conversation?
Answer these questions and maybe we can begin to get somewhere.

Option #2: We skip all of that and you can have a practice 1-on-1 conversation with one of us in the chat. This isn't ideal though, because it's completely taking out everything physical. You're unconscious mannerisms or the way you look may play a factor into things and that would be overlooked in an online discussion.

I usually be myself. I don't try too hard anymore. What i hate the most is the person who strives to be someone they're not. Like, are faking happiness when they're actually mad. I don't like to associate myself with them. One of the reasons people tend to stray from you is probably because you just try too hard. And not everything necessarily depends on looks, as long as you're sanitary -brushed teeth, hair, clean clothes, etc.- I'm sure you'll get a few close friends if you let others initiate the conversation. Well, not all the time.

LOL "And not everything necessarily depends on looks"

>>4 No.

If you want real, honest, close friends, they should be people who don't give a fuck about how you look or like your looks as they are (so long as you're sanitary). If you have to change how you dress to get a person to be your friend, they're not a real friend and never will be, and they're not the people you should be striving to be friends with.

It's just desperate and pathetic to start changing yourself for private relations :L

Jesus Christ people. No ever said she had to change herself. She's wondering why people treat her different. For the remaining three years of my friends life, who was her only friend? Me. Why? Because she was obese.

She wants to know why people won't befriend her. She's not asking what kind of friends she needs. The world isn't sugar and gum drops! If you're ugly, less people befriend you! If you're fat, less people befriend you!

Is it right?

NO!

But is the world fair?

NO!

>>1 I don't know what you look like OP. What you wear or how you put on make up. But appearances always plays a factor into befriending new people. It's called making a good first impression. When you go to an interview, do you arrive in slacks and flip flops? First impressions count.
Now don't go stupid on me; I'm not saying you should look professional all the time or that Barbie up there is wrong. You should find friends who care about who you are. But sometimes you gotta draw the moth to a flame first before catching it in your jar. Clear?

Now once again, like I said in >>2. More info is needed.

>>7 Well... first of all, I'm not a girl. Shocking, I know.

Anyway, to answer the questions in >>2, they're usually people I've done something with before, like classwork or people I've had like, a short conversation with before as part of a group or something.

This is at school pretty much all of the time, and a good amount of the time it's with a group of people I've been around for some 3 years now. I'm friendly with them, but I want to become a part of their world, so to speak. I was good friend with one of them which is why they're used to me, but I've always really just been that guy who never used to talk and just follows them around everywhere. I've been trying to be a lot friendlier with them this year.

I'm not the most attractive guy on the planet. I'm alright, I guess. South Asian, Indian-looking. Not fat thin, but not overly so. Curly, incredibly thick shoulder length hair that I usually keep tied. I'm usually wearing a regular school uniform; a white shirt and grey pants. I'd show you a picture, but I can't seem to find one in my school uniform, which admittedly does make me look bigger than I am (broad shoulders.).

I converse by pretty much asking questions. The usual, you know, (so, how are you? Hows school, had any SAC's this week? Seen any good movies lately?). I refrain from talking about myself too much because whenever I do I get blank looks. If they say something funny, I'll laugh, and I generally agree with most things that they say. I'm as enthusiastic as possible and I basically do my best to keep them talking.

Also, I should probably note that if I start to get too comfortable around someone, I start swearing. A lot.

And I don't necessarily agree with you about the looks thing. A guy I know is fat as all-get-out and he has a girlfriend and his own little group.

>>3 I've tried being myself. Doesn't seem to work.

>>5 This is all probably true with people you already know. But an initial attraction is assumedly based on looks. Or personality, I suppose. I don't have either.

>>8 SACs, huh? I think I know where you live, lol. (Hopefully that doesn't sound too creepy.)

I only have today until I have to study for exams, so I'll only be able to give my two cents, despite the possibility for more detail on this and whatnot.

Anyways, I digress.

From what you've been saying so far, what I can guess is that you've been trying too hard to make friends, and while your enthusiasm might be appreciated, it can rub people the wrong way. If they're not eager to be engaged in conversation, don't try to involve them more than they really have to. Relax. It might sound clichéd, but the less you try with this kind of thing, the better it usually gets. People will talk to you when they want to, really.

Also, don't be disheartened if things don't go perfectly; some people are just awkward in conversation, and some people are just too busy. I mean, you have SACs. The number of social outings you'd get is limited, and most people would find studying more important right now.

Anyways, don't try too hard, something about studying... I was about to say something else but I can't really remember it that well. Hrm... hopefully that helped. ^_^"

>>8 You poor thing. I don't know what's wrong. If you had long curly hair here everyone would befriend you just to touch it.

Some are the exception, but I still say that most relationships start from first impressions that can be based 50% on appearance and 50% on personality.

Can you tell us about yourself? Like, what you usually talk about that seems to bore others. After reading this: "Also, I should probably note that if I start to get too comfortable around someone, I start swearing. A lot." I think you're the most interesting guy on the planet! Pretty funny. XD

>>9 Australia, yes. :)

I guess you have a point about people being too busy, but really, if they can talk with other people why not me?
And these people aren't awkward, they're actually very social creatures. I actually get along pretty well with awkward people, but I don't hang around with the ones that I know too much because, well, they won't talk.

>>10 Yes, I apologise about not telling absolutely everything, but if I did it would take a lot longer to explain, and not everyone particularly enjoys reading annoyingly big blocks of text.

But I think I forgot to mention something that probably is pretty important. Here goes.

For about 3 years I was hanging out with this guy who was somewhat of a character. He was pale, had long, dark hair, never spoke to people, and was somewhat of a misanthrope. He wasn't really a bad guy, he just had a very bleak outlook on life.

Anyway, suffice to say, I was attracted to him because I thought he was pretty damn interesting. Before I knew him, just getting him to speak to you was a feat worthy of recognition, and so when I actually managed to do it, I wasn't going to just stop there. We actually had quite a lot in common, and back in year 8 he was actually a pretty nice guy once you broke through his shell.

But then after I'd known him for a while, he started to get worse. The few people I'd managed to get him to talk to either left the school or made other friends and fell out with us, and soon it was just me and him, which might've been alright except that whenever I'd talk to other people he'd kinda just scuttle away, and, feeling bad for "leaving him," I'd just follow. He also turned into a much angrier person, starting to hate fucking everything and everyone around him.
People started to associate me with him. People would come up to me just to ask "hey, why doesn't that guy ever talk," or, "is he part of some Satanic cult," or "is he the fucking anti-christ," questions I'd usually just brush off with a shrug.

But then I suppose that I just grew out of him. Beginning sometime last year I started to wonder why I had no friends, and the only answer I could think of was that it was because of him. Seriously, with all the time that we spent together, he never wanted to come over, or go out and do something, or anything. I got the feeling that he felt I was just there to entertain him, and perhaps vice versa.
So I started talking to him less, in favour of trying to meet other people. I saw him less and less, and I rarely spoke to him unless I'd felt rejected by other people and needed someone to complain to. This combined with his steadily increasing misanthropy and paranoia kept putting me off talking to him.

The one day when I was in a bad mood and didn't feel like being around "people," he started telling me about Jewish conspiracies and how he thought that Black people were stalking him, and that was the last time I ever spoke to him. The next term he stopped coming to school. I have no fucking idea what happened to him.

So yeah, there's that. I don't necessarily blame him for anything, but when people I don't know see me, I think that they might associate me with him. A fresh start is perhaps needed, but that's not going to happen, so it's just something that I have to deal with. What say you, Magnolia?

...oh, and if by some off change anybody's interested, that guy actually used to post on these boards. He would do so under the name "Luciferus Hellsing."

An Aussie? I'll be your friend :P

Anyway my question is what stereotype group would you say these people you're trying to befriend fit into?
From the sounds of it they are quite the social popular kind.
A trick for gaining friends i learned over changing schools a lot in primary school was go to the 'outcasts'. They're are always interesting and usually accepting. Plus the only expectation they place on you is to be a little queer yourself (which is quite fun). No expectations on appearance or who you may have talked to in the past.

Also you're old friend reminds me of most of my friends out look on life.