I really don't have much time since I'm typing this on a school computer, and my computer at home has parental restrictions. Sometimes it blocks really stupid things; including this site. Really pisses me off. Anyway, I'm going through a really fudged up time in my life right now. my Mother is dating while still married to my Step-Father. She's totally in love with the asshole, and is absolutely abandoning me. she was having an affair for a little while, but she has no idea that I actually know about that. She told me a little before Christmas of 2012 that she had been dating another man for about 6 months, and my STEP FATHER had known the whole time. Everything around me is getting worse. I hate my mother with a horrible painful passion, I'm suicidal, I cut my arms, I've tried to run away but change my mind before anybody can figure out that I'm not just going on a walk, We're having a bunch of financial shit, and my mother and step father are just changing. I feel so alone. BTW I take several medicines for severe depression and anxiety. Yeah, I'm another one of those crazies, looking for advice ( Major insecurity problems according to my multiple therapists ). Yesterday, my mother and I got into one of our daily fights. LITERALLY! We have fights DAILY! She was gonna leave for a 'walk' in the middle of the fight when she had just said she couldn't deal with me, couldn't stand to be at that house, couldn't put up with me, etc. She tried to leave, and I thought that if she left, she would never come back.....
I was genuinely terrified. But the thing is, she's been getting physical lately. She's started grabbing my face, cornering me, yelling and screaming and swearing at the top of her lungs until her face is red, with her face barely inches from mine. I scared of her. She's started smoking, drinking, and staying out for 2 days sometimes. She'll leave one night and not come back for the whole next day. And this boyfriend of her's....Ugh. I hate him. He's a horrible horrible person. He's one of those people that looks kind and innocent and perfect, but if you knew him, you'd hate him too. My mother went to a concert once and came back with 2 busted knee's and a broken hand with multiple broken fingers. Anyway, last night after she left, I was sobbing because she had called my step father while he was at work. He has anger problems...And my mom does too. They get physical, if ya know what I mean. My mother told him right in front of me that she was gonna call the police. She said so many things and didn't tell ANY of the truth. I NEVER got to tell my side of the story. While I was waiting for him to get home, sobbing and crying because i was scared of what my step father was gonna do, and what my mother was gonna do too. I got my moms scissors and repeated something I've been doing for a while now. I cut my arm. This time though, I didn't stop at 3 or 4 or even 5. I did it over and over until my arm was bleeding and wouldn't stop. I don't know how, but I've managed to hide ALL of my cut marks, and I was able to do it again last night. My mother made me seem like the monster...
She said we needed to have an emergency meeting with our therapist. Well he's really a family councilor that owns the counseling place I go to every Wednesday for MY therapist. The family counselor is actually MY therapists boss. He owns the whole place. I told my mother and step father after she threatened me with a family meeting, which she knows I'm TERRIFIED of, (Small room, people staring at each other, talking,staring, enclosed space, etc) "You know what mom, we DO. We need to have a meeting with him, because there are a lot of things I need t talk to him about."
I'm running out of time. My point is, I'm scared. I feel like killing myself, my arm hurts, and I'm scared of what my mother and step father are going to do to me.

How old are you? I don't say that as any kind of implication mind, I'm just thinking about the kinds of options you might have.

Also try to remember that in every place there's someone out there willing to help. What you're into is bad, and I see no way that this can be solved with just the three of you, so you have to let someone know, even if it ends up just being someone who'll listen. This is imperative, since very few of us here would be likely to give you anything substantial. I'll be around to listen, and I'll do what I can if it can be done.

I'm kind of confused about a few details (you don't have to answer the next few questions if you don't want to). 1. So the boyfriend your current step dad or both are abusive? 2. What is your step dad's response to the affair (if he even knows)? 3. Who broke your mom's fingers, arm, and knees? The boyfriend or your step dad? 4. What is your personal therapist suggested? Your family counselor? Anyways, on to my advice based on what i know and understand. Option 1. IF your step father is a decent person and will back you(which is what i am kind of unclear about), go to him and explain the situation. He will be able to deal with the mom and the boyfriend and keep you safe (considering he is a decent person). Option 2. You can go to your personal therapist. I can assume you have hid the cuts from your personal therapist as well and I assume you have also kept the fact that your mom has turned to abuse as well. Tell your therapist EVERYTHING. He/she may be able to help you and get you out of that environment or at least give you advice or other options. Option 3. This option is bold and may or may not be the best option. I presume you have also hid a lot from your family counselor. Confess everything to him/her during a family meeting in front of everyone. Tell him/her about the affair in front of your step dad. Tell him/her about the abuse from your mother. Tell him/her about the cuts on your arm. It would revile just who your mom really is to your step dad and to the councilor. Both of them may be able to help you. In order for someone to help you, you need to tell them everything. I can tell you this, running away is not the best option for you right now (unless you have someplace to go like a reliable friends house who's parents will back you up) I personally would go with the second option because it gives you the chance to sort it out one on one with a professional before you confront your family and this person will be able to back you and plan it out. Option one may just start a huge fight between your mom and your step dad and your mom will blame you. Option 3 will make your mom look really bad and embarrass her which may not be the best because it will just make you even more of a target and it will start a fight between your mom and your dad.

Hey whatever you do. don't do anything stupid. Do you have a friend to talk to or go talk to the therapist. Killing yourself is never an option. No matter what happen in our live. There's always a way out.

My step father knew about the 'affair' for the whole six months. I suppose my definition of affair is a little strange, but basically she's dating this other man while still married. My step father knows now, i know now, and i'm pretty sure the family therapist knows too. MY therapist knows I scratch myself, and sometimes I use scissors. She doesn't know about the other night when my arm was actually bleeding badly. I know that if she were to find out, she'd tell my parents. My mother thinks that suicide and and cutting is just a form of manipulation. She doesn't know how suicidal I am or that I'm cutting. If she did, I know 100% that it would make things so much worse if she found out.
I have this friend who's stuck by my side throughout it all, but she's at my old middle school. We're grades apart, so we go to different schools. She's in 8th grade. I try to visit weekly, because there's this other girl there. I'll just call her V. I'm worried V know's about my suicidal thoughts and attitude and all that. that's why she always runs to me when I visit.

Hey there, what you're going through right now is too much. I cannot imagine how painful it is. But please do not hurt yourself anymore. Those wounds, make sure you clean them, okay? It might get infected or something if you don't. I've never been in that kind of situation so I cannot give advises to you. But I am worried about you..

Don't you have any other relatives like a close aunt or something that can help you?

Please don't make any suicidal attempts anymore..Your Dollars Family is worried..T_T

Axel.
Stahp.

I've felt your pain, I have scars from me cutting I've passed out from cutting I woke up in the hospital with my sister holding my hand she was crying . I was in the four wall room in the mental part of the hospital iwas there for what it felt like three days.......I was only in there for 10 hours sitting there waiting for them to say " It's okay to go home now."
i hate seeing my sister. but one thing I know it's hard now but somedays it will get better. Don't worry I've thought of killing myself but I thought of the people I'm going to leave behind.

" I bare this necklace and thses scars to remind me that I was and am a cutter . Nothing can change that."

>>8 That last quote...stop saying that. Aside from the fact that all your posts have a great feeling of minimal sincerity if you were ever actually involved with cutting or anyone that cut before (other than a fashion statement) you would know that that statement is a steaming pile of bullshit (vulgar language acknowledged). However, this post isn't about you, so back on topic.

>>5 I understand the problems that come when some of the people you trust most are out of reach, which makes it that much harder to convince yourself to bring the subject up with others. Personally, I think you need to look around the area where your therapist is involved. You say that if the therapist were to find out she would tell your parents, but is there anyone there that would understand if you told them that you didn't want your parents to know? Cutting can be a form of manipulation, however the fact that you're doing it and don't want people to know means something else, and suicide is out of the question. You have friends that care far too much about you, us included, and while it may be hell to get to somewhere better, it IS coming.

I feel bad for you . You should have a chat with your mom

>>9 We had that therapy meeting today, my mother and my step father and I. It went horribly, as imagined. I ended up crying for most of the time, then on the way home. There's no way in hell, even if I'm sobbing, that my mother would let me stay home. So here i am, at school, on the computer. I feel like shit....
My mother and I had another fight last night, and I ended up cutting again. The scabs from the last time started bleeding, and I'm just hiding my arm from every body. I look weird. The friend I talk to here at the high school hasn't been in school all week. She's not here today again, and I feel so alone. My heart hurts, my stomach hurts because of my anxiety. I was wondering, do you guys know anything, just in a random question, do you guys know anything I could do instead of cutting? Something that might help me stop, even if it's just for a moment? Something I could eat or say or do? Or somewhere to go? Keep in mind I'm not 16, so I have a curfew. 7:45. Anything, please. I wanna stop this, but I feel like it's the only thing that i can do....

>>11 A friend of mine who quit cutting and I used to talk a lot about this. Sometimes it's hard to find a substitute while things are still bringing you down. I personally would never self-inflict, so much as build up aggression that was released outwardly in some other way. Hurting myself never made me feel better, I had to change something else, leave my mark or feel that I'd accomplished something. This rarely to never involved me harming anyone else so much as hurling myself off of buildings and doing forest sprints, no specific intent on hurting myself, just adrenaline and the constant possibility of harm was enough. The point was no matter if I got hurt or not, I gained something of it, which made me feel less terrible about it.

Of course that can be dangerous too, so I've used other methods. Sometimes walking away can do much more than anything else can, but it's all about how you do it. I usually do it like this:
1. Don't think about where you're going, just go.
2. Don't think about the situation, don't think about anything until it can sit peacefully in your mind.
3. If you can, go early, and use as much opportunity you can get to not care about what time it is.

Cutting is a difficult habit to quit, especially since you can't really replace it with nail-biting or simply deciding "I won't do this." However, the main goal is that no matter what you decide to try to do, you're trying, and that in itself is something you should feel good about.

Please don't kill yourself. I know that this might be hard, but you need to get protection. If something happens you can ask that guy for security if you're scared. I used to cut myself too. But I've stopped now, because I got friends and a "wife" to stop me. Don't cut, because that will take your life one day, and then you won't experience love. You need to get.. again.. Protection. This is bad bad bad situation, and you won't like this, but I think you need to change family to a better one, or go to the police. Sorry, but I don't see another way out of this, seem to be, hell. DON'T FUCKING KILL YOUR SELF!! Please... That will proof you weak. I could give you my nr, but... I don't want to risk it. You seem like a cute person, don't waist your time. 'kay?

Dont kill yourself,please you know the world can show you dark times,sometimes good ones.im in no position to say this but dont hurt youself bacuse of this,its painful,its dark but dont ever get yourself into a suicidal state.You can get through this.Just try and Stay clam.we ll be here, think about those who are close to you even then you mom.think about what happen to them. You wont like people close to you suffering because youll suicide.even if dont have someone close to you we re here we re the dollars. we ll be here for you. here somethings i want you to it may make your life a bit brighter
If you re scared just go somewhere, dosnt matter where
if you re anxious try listening to music it ll help
Go to a place where you think people can help
i've been in those times not as bad as you but
when i got over it, the world seemed a large place with various kinds of people
'The world isnt as bad as you think it is'
thats who we are dont give up just yet
i hope when you open your computer next time and see this,the world would seem a little more brighter to you
hope this helped
*kaito out*

please dont hurt yourself i understand what your going through but only some parts of it just stay strong tell someone aside from us we cant really do anything for you we cant help you or anything unless you know someone on here why not tell your stepdad for one thing or if you real dad is alive why not contact him and tell him everything and try to bge with him or a cousin near by something like that. anyway just to let you know as you can see a lot of us here care so dont hurt yourselfe anymore okay?

Person,
There's not much I can say that hasn't already been said. But as a way to help you stop cutting, you can do what I do...

Rubber bands
They do not allow you to have the same "release" as cutting may allow, but... It lets the same hormones that come out when cutting appear.

Just have a rubber band around your arm, and snap it when you feel like cutting. Snap it as much as you can, but please... do not cut.

Suicide is not an answer it is only another problem.If you kill yourself you will only make the people who truly love and care for you hurt as bad as you are. I suggest you get help from another person who understands and can truly help you. But cutting yourself will not help, the problem is in your family not your cuts. By harming yourself self you make yourself as bad as your parents.

Hey, hurtinf yourself won't help in anyway! I know how you feel really, and typing at school is what I've been doing.....But try to stay tall on this. Ands tell your mother how you feel even if you feel like your losing her...Don't you still got people that care for you..I know this.

I can't say that I know what you're going through or that I know anything that's going on in your life but please, please don't kill yourself. You should also call the police if she does any major damage to you so you can show them proof. If you already have some proof then that's perfect. I refuse to hear that this is happening to you because I know that you're a good person and deserve the best in life. But please stop cutting yourself. No matter how it makes you feel, cutting isn't going to help. Try the Butterfly Project. That might help. I know that some random person online isn't going to help as much as someone in person. If I were next to you right now, I would comfort you the best I can and give a few hugs here and there and try my best. But please don't resort to killing yourself. It may seem bad right now but trust me. When you get older, this is all going to fade away. When you get better, I'm sure a lot of things will get better and so killing yourself right now is cutting off the happiness you may get in the future. If you're depressed then smile. Smile as much as you can and as long as you can. Smiling makes you feel better eventually if you smile a lot. Keep your head up and try your best to keep it up there. Listen to more music if you can, have the time of your life when you can! Don't let anyone hold you back. If you're stuck in a cage in your life then I'm sure eventually you'll be freed. Don't let this all get to you because thinking of suicide is judging life. You've only seen one side of life so why not see the other? Get to know the world from the sky to the ocean because what you're going through right now is making you stronger so if your mother tells you that you're weak and makes you feel like it then remember, you're stronger than her in every way. I really hope things get better for you.

I'm going to keep this short, I hate writing long messages nowadays. DON'T kill yourself. It gets better, believe me. Why? Because I've attempted suicide before and survived each time. I've self harmed. Eventually the authorities found out and I was put under psychiatric care with a legal flag against my name so if I didn't turn up where I was supposed to be my parents, the school, everyone was called.
This was hell. But if there's one thing I've learnt from the experience, psychiatric here does help. If it gets worse, call childline. I hate to suggest this too but running away is always a better option than suicide, so long as you have a plan. Don't though, the authorities can help.

Even if you ignore all others, here me out.
I've stood where you stand and all I have to say about it is that all strong minds get this feeling, but true strength is to resist.
you're meant for better things, so hang in there.
You're not alone in this.
However, those who don't have you're best intrest in heart you should ignore.
listen to the ones you connect to, like the people on this site who are only here to help as far as I've seen.
so blow off some steam, hang out with an understanding friend(but avoid this subject), and focus on the good things in life.
It's the best way to get pass this.