This will be about me. me blabbering my inner voice. i just want to express and ley this out. for some this kinds of worries are probably nothing..
i never had any serious problem.. and i didn't think this one is
but lately it started haunting me. things i mull about for more or less 10 years. I guess i have failed at some stage of my life in the developmental milestones.

I find myself being able to hangout with different people. But i know for a fact that that's not so close to what you call "close friends" and sometimes at the end of the day when i don't get to talk with them much i wonder if they were even my "friends". I do want to think of them and treat them as mine but i'm not really that talkative that i'd talk with them every time.

every time there's things like "think or list 5 persons" i find it challenging. this one person.. at first we seem alike.. but we are so different in so many ways. she likes to stand out a lot. i like to be behind the scenes. she talks her heart out. i worry to much about every word that will come out of my mouth whether to protect myself, or to avoid hurting others, i just shut if i don't have anything nice to say. she's active. i'm passive. she has her passion. and sadly i have not found mine. compared to her i'm more covert. i realized i'm not so sociable like her. am i too shy? or am i just too afraid of rejection?

i found out long ago my father cheated and had another family, my mother is agonizing. I never felt any hatred towards my father at all. I want my mother to be free of pain and be happy. I would actually support them if they decided to get separated if it's for their own good.
a lot of people i know in the same situation, i never once heard of anyone in the same page as me.. is something wrong with me?

My worst enemy of all is boredom. I get depressed at times because of this. i forgot the term but there's a thing when you suddenly feel depressed over nothing. but sometimes i get to thinking, why am i alone? i feel alone. why am i even here..
i have a life yet not alive.
"what's the point?"
sometimes i do think of the unthinkable
but i still stick to my senses hoping that someday
my life will begin..

guyz. if you have found your golden friends treasure them.
if you have found your passion, keep it burning.
it will color your life.


~B.C.

There is nothing wrong with you. All your feelings are normal and understandable.