I hate my own personality, always this happy, joyful, lively person who is actually easily hurt and a coward, who retreat back to her shell like a snail the minutes the other person is unhappy with her, no matter if that person is actually making sense or not. I hate how I am always unaware and I hate how I always annoy people...
Everyday checking on facebook, I wonder how some people can get more than 99 likes just for one picture of themselves. Not like I want to become as popular and "friendfull" with them, my own little group of friends are enough. But it is weird, very weird, that when I'm chatting with that group of friends I always end up being the forgotten one. So I learned to "grab", making them realizing me all the time, making them chat with me, and stuff...At least, that group of friends I tried to hold close...But what did I gain? They still seem so distant away...That I still have this emptiness in my heart. That I still feel lonely. and I hate loneliness. It's my biggest fear.
To fill that emptiness, I tried to grow close with other people, but it seems like I am just a burden to them. Am I too sensitive? Maybe. But I'm scared that I will annoy them, every time asking someone for help, I wonder if I ask too many questions, are they getting impatient, are they just trying to be nice? The problem is, even though I wonder about these questions, I always end up realizing it late. So I annoyed this person, I wondered if he was annoyed so I started to ask my questions more hesitantly, but still I ended up being cursed. Then I thought "OH FUCK I SHOULD STOP ASKING EARLIER!" Then I made the same mistake again.
Or, it's like I never know it when someone's serious. They cursed me, I thought they are joking cause I don't know that I have angered them....And you know what happened next.
And because of that, I lost some friends.
I am a person who grows easily happy the minute someone wants to become my friends, yet I have a difficulty trying to make that friend last long. Let's say I have this friend, we usually walk together every day and chat a lot of times, but when it comes to forming groups she will eventually forget about me and choose somebody else, when she chat with other people she shows her true happiness. Then I always end up being the one left out, forgotten.

Plus, I'm easily hurt. The minute someone is pissed by me I immediately hide into my shell. I once tried to explain how I'm kind of "weakhearted", but I only got the reply "way too dramatic." Is that really so?
I hate disappointing my parents, unable to entertain my friends. A conversation starts by me never last long, or not really noticed by people. Then one time, when I'm trying to start a discussion, I only got this reply "What you said don't spark a discussion. Start it with someone else."
That minute, I immediately hid into my shell.
And I don't know how to break that shell.
And I'm still this ignorant girl who laughs and gets happy all the time. Maybe now I'm depressed, but something will happen and what im typing right now will eventually be thrown into the deep place in my heart, ready to be carried out once I'm hurt or once I feel I'm being left out again.
Every time seeing other people laughing with their friends make me feel lonely. Every time sensing that I disappoint my parents or displease my friends make me hide.
Plus...I always have this feeling that my "overhappy" personality annoys people, and it did I can see. Entering a group of friends only to be forgotten, and it is always difficult to actually hold one close.
Psh, I hope I don't care about it all.
I hope I can be a colder person, someone who doesn't care.
Or more...I hope I am just an empty doll without human feelings.

First, if you learn to not care as much about annoying others, it seems to make them not be annoyed. Look up "approval-seeking."

Second, You are not alone. Most people feel rear at the idea of striking up conversations. Most people just want others to like them. Once again, look up how to overcome the fear or work your way up to it then.

Third, just trying to remove emotions does not work well. It helps pretend so you take less of a hit on your ego and don't have to admit that you can fix your problems, but it doesn't really work and is the easy way out.

Fourth, as of this moment you have approximately 0272161 friends aside from any in real life.

So, if you can't just strike up conversations to fix your problems, then use baby steps. Also, look up how, be patient as well. I've spent a year tuning up my behavior, though my goals are a bit lofty, and I still am bad at starting conversations and at making friends. It takes time, but works and is rewarding.

I know how you feel. I know what it's like to feel like a burden on others. But we also seems to be two polar oppisites. I have been described as melancholy, sad, and even depressed by the people i barely know. Trust me, it's not a better option than your over happy personality. You have to except that's who you are. As for your fear of being thrown aside, have some trust in your friends. As long as they dont come out and say "im not your friend, leave" then you dont have to leave. Trust that they will except you for who you are until they say they wont. It's pointless to be scared of the unknown. You dont have to be the one starting the conversations. As long as you are their with them and they aren't saying "you cant be with us" you are part of their group. I hope i was helpful in some way. I wish you the best of luck. 2A

i used to have a similar situation,don´t worry about others soo much,live your life,i can tell you that i wasted soo much time worrying and chasing others that(in my case) when some of them left,i asked myself what i was gonna do then without them,just live your life,do your thing and go higher for your own future and eventually people will come that won't forget you,you worry a bit too much,but that's ok,just don't kill yourself over it,ok?,and try to be a bit more brave,doesn't mean you have to rule over everyone,but just enough for them to see that you care and they'll respect that,if you're gonna talk about things like that with them,don't overdo it,very important to use the right words(learned the hard way),if it helps for about anything,you have a friend right here : )

hi there im neko-chan and i want to share something with u...i have been in a really similar situation and when i read this i was pretty shock cuz something like this happened to me and trust me i was very sad and lonely but i never gave up on trying to find a place were i could belong...and u know what? i found it and thats by trying hard and not giving up and also by working hard(on my emotions) let me tell u something u need to believe in yourself and dont give up on finding the place that u feel like u want to belong,ok? btw u dont need to worry on finding how long it would take the place were u want to belong cuz i can tell that u are a very sweet girl and i know no wait i believe that u can find a awayyyy... better and happy place with lots and lots of friends :D oh and btw if u dont mind can i be your friend? pretty plz with lots and lots of sugar on top!!! btw if u are asking why does she want to be my friend? then thats easy to answer the answer is simple because i want to,i want to know u better and also cuz we had almost the same pain...:)(one more thing,the piture that i send to u is a hug from a far away person)

I know how you feel...but you know...I made the mistake of growing cold when people get overly attached to me. I made the mistake of disposing off my feelings so...you shouldn't wish for that. You seriously shouldn't.
Let me tell you a bit about what it's like to be like this.
You don't feel ANYTHING...sounds great right? well it's not
because then you're even MORE ignorant of everything around you.
At first it'll feel good to hurt others just the way they hurt you but then through time this develops into a kind of bad personality.
Now when someone wants to be my friend, I ignore them or glare at them. why? because I think that they're going to hurt me. I basically made an even bigger shell to hide into.
Yes, I DO have friends but y'know none of them knows the real me. And yes I am still ignored sometimes but not often because my "new" personality made me be mean or angry or pissed off whenever I'm alone...which grabs attention...which also makes me lose those friends at the same time

I DO laugh of course.
In fact I have become really emotionless..I couldn't even cry when my grandma (close to me) died...I just stood there and said
"bye bye" and then ate ice cream and laughed at an anime...
I know it is REALLY rude...but I couldn't help it
The only thing I CAN feel is PAIN
which I cause to myself to make myself cry for a refreshment and to FEEL SOMETHING
Take My Advice: DO NOT WISH ON BEING A DOLL WITHOUT FEELING OR AN EMOTIONLESS PERSON. IT'S DANGEROUS TO YOUR LIFE. PEOPLE WILL LITERALLY HATE YOU.

why I have friends now?
I make up different personalities that suit the person I'm friends with and live a live...ahh but don't do that either...that's bad too...
I mean I lost my real personality because of that...or the key to my real personality at least...
Now I'm figuring a way to get back to being the optimistic person I once was....

Ok then! Let's get to finding that precious key then!

Oh right! hope this helped...instead of make you more depressed....I usually end up doing that..*sigh*
I should just die tomorrow..on the day I was born...how ironic