i recently started going to therapy again and the school social worker that i talked to said that i am exhibiting sings of depression. when im at school i feel like im surrounded by imbeciles and fools yet somehow they all know what to do in life they all have the "hand book to life" i have been diagnosed with ADHD and ahsbergers ( not spelled correctly). i hate who i am and have thought that things would be better if i were to die or just go away i feel that almost every thing is my fault. my parents are also divorced and i live with my mom and my dad lives across the country im not sure who to hate and who to love and that's not just with my family its with every one. i joined this site in hopes of escaping reality because it sucks. i only have one friend and he is my best friend. there are many more things that are wrong with me and i hate all of them. i especially hate myself.

I know that this sounds like me just bitching but I would really like some feedback

good

Holy shit its L!

just keep going, kid. ouo find solice in your friend, and maybe search for more on the sita and the chatsite ouo mayhaps you can find solice in being social ouo

Thanks for the advice but iv tried being social and all it does is make even sadder because I get jealous of the things that other people have

Dont worry it gets better, u no what i do when i feel that way? i just watch xxx anime or any anime of your choice, or listen to music for a while. u can try that?

Yea that's what I do to escape reality but I want to learn how to deal with reality and not get pissed or depressed every day.

the only way to not hate yourself is to make yourself into someone that YOU can live with and love, because you're going to have to. You are in control of yourself, even if it does not feel like it. Take some time to grieve...then just move on, its all you can do.

If you want to learn how to deal with reality then try this.
Make it your own, listen people have their lives and do what they want. Yes they do interact with you and play a part in your life, but don't let their expectations or social rules control you for a second. We as humans have natural desires, for me it was music and science among other things. These things are natural and are meant to be chased after, so find what you truly enjoy doing, I'm not just talking about games and anime, but something in life that you enjoy no matter what is happening, and chase it, see where it leads you. Another thing, I don't know where you stand with God, but it never hurts to search for something out there. I believe (and this is just me, I don't want to impose anything on you) God has given us these natural desires and has built things in nature that really fulfill us, and if you're willing maybe he can be a part of it. Hope this helps

bury ur emocions, thats what i did, but i agree with >>10

Honestly,I couldn't agree more with you...I feel like reality sucks too...I'm the kind of person that loves sleeping because of the dreams she sees.I'd rather be anywhere but here(in this world) and reality is so cruel that I'm not surprised I've attempted suicide.However...Suicide won't fix anything,really.I have no idea about what happens when you die and I'm sure that if I died,my parents would be really sad about that.My father would not care much but my mum would be crushed...So I've learned how to walk in the rain and live with the pain.I've learned to carry on through the tears and I've became wiser and stronger,both physically and emotionally(mainly emotionally).To me,that's what life is all about...Hey...Since you have just one friend and I don't have many either,I could be your friend!!:) I can't be a REAL friend,since I guess we live really far away...But whenever you want,you can talk to me.If u like,u can send me Ur e-mail...I'll be happy to hear from u!!Stay strong!!!^_^

To number 12 you really don't want to be my friend you said you a Girl well I'm a perv so you really don't want to be my friend

I feel you man lifes a bitch

Thought this might be funny

I will be blunt.

You have a lot of pent up frustration and anger -not only at the people around you, but at yourself for not being able to fit in. You're clearly feeling that the world is against you and that nothing is going the way it should. It's almost like everything is your fault and that you have very few people to turn to.

Even those people you try to turn to, you keep at a slight distance -afraid that they, too, would be hurt by you somehow. You're probably know that you can't socialise because you have this jealous drive. Why can't you have what other have? Why can't you be what others are?

The solution lies within your problem. Many of the members above have generally advised you to keep a optimistic attitude and push through -"hang in there." I think it's naive to think that the situation will lighten up because you will it to.

Instead, you need to change your mentality. Tackle your own problem. Why don't I have what others have? Do you want it? Friendship? Grades? Possessions? Well, then you should tell yourself "I will make it mine." Take an active stance in life and reach out. If you want something, you get it.

Start with a single goal. Something that you so desperately want. Work out a plan on how you can get it. Work for it -that is your motivation in life. If you fall along the way, stand up, re-evaluate and attack again.

Locking yourself in a room is merely a temporary solution. Believing that you should hang on until things lighten up is ridiculous. Only you have the power to change how you think. Only you have the power to change your life. There will of course be obstacles, but it will only be impossible if you believe it to be.

Wow I'm really see through arnt I

>>17 you seem to know me so very well
Yes that is exactly how i feel

But i don't care to have more friends. And I have good grades but the one thing i am missing is happiness

>>13 You know...I reeeally don't mind if ur a perv.I am a perv too!!!>//////>17...Aren't you a bit over-optimistic??You don't always get what you want,you know...There are things that were,are and will always be out of our reach.In my POV,we are mere humans...We might be the most powerful/smarter mammals in this planet,BUT we will never be able to escape fate.All things happen for a reason and life can only be understood backwards,but it must be lived onwards...So for now,Ice,I believe you should hang on and be strong.For one day,something better comes along!!!That might take years to happen,but it will.Trust me,the things I'm saying are based on real-life events...

Arigato cecile

If you really want my number look for the chat room called ice and one of the people will be called ice later today

cecile I'm going to take a risk here and give you my email

It's mattmyers97@Gmail.com

CUT UR SELF, IT HELPS ALOT, im like u, my gf died of cancer, my second gf cheat on me, i caught her with my best friend in the bed..........u thinks that the world ends.......not true..........u just need to keep smiling and hiding ur arms

I've never been so disturbed in my life. That was unnecessary and stupid advice (You hear that, ice? "unnecessary and stupid")

I'm hiding that shit now.

cutting yourself is stupid. All it will get you is more pain and scars to show you weren't strong enough to escape that pain. Cutting is just a way to end your life quicker. Life only sucks cause you won't do anything to change it. Yes your parents may have divorced but don't hate them for it that will only cause u more stress to choose only one of them to love just make the best of life. Your life is only what you craft it to be

Please don't be hard on Dante he and other people who cut are not to be judged they are doing what's best for them. I know plenty of people who cut and I'm not one of them nor will i ever be

...

"doing what's best for them."...

Maybe you hate life and have so many problems because you think that way. Nothing will ever change for you if you keep company with such twisted and grotesque ideas.

But don't take my word for it. Just sit around and wait for one of em to die. Maybe then your opinion will change, and you'll, from then on, realize you have nothing to complain about.

Listen I know that my problems are nothing compared to maybe yours out almost anyone else's but we all have our own limits and if anyone i knew were going to commit suicide i would do every thing in my power to save them even go so far as to sacrifice myself.

Even if they hate me.

Can you say the same?

yup :)

>>29 What are you talking about?? That's not my point.

There are "steps" to suicide. Saying that cutting is "doing what's best for them" is like saying it;s alright for them to take that step. You may be there to stop someone's suicide, but it's not like you helped prevent the suicidal thoughts from occuring.

You do realize that being a bitch isn't really helping anyone

ice you realize that you indeed are only crafting your own bridge into the afterlife and calling magnolia a "bitch" is only making people not want to help you at all because you are saying something mean cause someone has a different opinion on things at this point you aren't really worth helping now are you if you joined this site to escape from life then you made a bad choice don't take this to heart but there is only one way to truly escape from life and that's to not be part of it

Your right however I don't think that is the right thing to say to some one who wants to die

And yea I'm worthless arnt I.

That's why I want to die.

And me calling magnolia a bitch was justified because she was disrespecting everyone who cuts and more importantly I saw it was thought she was being rude to me for my choice of words

Now don't get me wrong i'm not calling you worthless every life plays an important role in the world. But i realize that you would feel disrespected but the choice of calling someone a "bitch" is not needed just remember everyone has their individual ideas on what is right or not

True.

Dear magnolia

I'm sorry for calling you a bitch I was just a bit worked up and it was wrong for me to take out my fustration on you

~matthew jordan myers (aka ice)

lol I comment, leave for a few days, and this happens.

This all started because I said cutting was stupid and unnecessary and you shouldn't do this. It can lead to a warped addiction, and kill you. I don't think you're stupid, but people consider stupid actions all the time that can lead to lethal conclusions, so I told you in order for you not to wind up being that boy nobody talks to because he went to the E.R. last night for cutting. Or that guy who didn't get the job he wanted because of his scars. Or the person who's always asked why he never wears a T-shirt, even when it's above 70.

Calling me a bitch doesn't change anything, I still don't want you to become this person. If anything, having the energy to call names over the internet says that you aren't really there. At that breaking point, I mean. When you can put the gun to your head and pull it like my Uncle did.

I never said you don't have it bad, or I have it worse (read dammit).
In my philosophy, everyone has it bad, but it could always be worse. But everyone has their own version of bad and their own breaking point. And though you're not at war, stuck in prison, or homeless, I believe everyone has their definition of bad that applies to them and them only, so saying someone doesn't have it bad at all is like saying whatever negative happens to them doesn't matter. And that's just bullshit.

Anyway, I've been ranting, so I'll end it here.

Thank you Shirako for your defense.
Thanks ice for apologizing (though I take bitch as a compliment most the time ~.^). If anything, I am happy you can tell that I am a female, since a lot of people on the site can't for some reason...

Hey Ice, i actually must say that for the most part, you are actually a lot like me.
I have recently had to start talking with Councellers again, I have not been told i'm exhibiting signs of deppression, i'm not gonna lie about that. I have seen what my mum calls "The child doctor" to me, that title sounds really weird and mis-leading but he is actually called a Pediatrician who is supposed to tell me if i have ADHD or not because it actually runs in my family. When i saw him, he said he suspected i have ADHD and Aspergers as well. Everyone around me seems to know what they want to do with their life and i don't, I hate who i am, i have several times thought about death and i blame myself for everything. My mother and father were never married but they are seperated and I live with my mum and my dad lives somewhere else, not as far as across the country but far enough i'd have to catch a plane to see him. I'm always so conflicted about loving and hating people, i use to think i had friends but actually, i feel i only have one true friend and he is a good mate who stays true to me but i always worry that he judges me or something, aha but i can say at least, i could rely on him i suppose.
I try to escape everything through expressing my art or watching and reading anime and manga, no one seems to understand my art or my obsession with the anime manga world. I'm also quite perverted, so when i saw your post, you reminded me a lot of me. Though from other posts my guess is you are a guy, which would be one of the differences as i myself am female.

>>21 Also would you be okay with me emailing you? because seriously, i wish i could find you and just hug you right now and i honestly don't like physical contact with people.

>>42 thank you yes you can email me

You know what how about any one can email me and please do i tend to feel lonely a lot

Mattmyers97@gmail.com

You know what how about any one can email me and please do i tend to feel lonely a lot

Mattmyers97@gmail.com

I just wanted to let you know also, i sort of drew this for you.
http://dollars-bbs.org/art/src/1363872289946.jpg

I don't know what you look like or anything so i drew myself hugging the laptop, at my timezone i have to go to school now, so i hope to email you when i get home.
I really hope today you can smile, if even once, hope you have a good day or night where you are.

Thank you

I too have been diagnosed with adhd and aspergers. At one time they said I had ptsd and bipolar ( I was 9) So they put me on medication. Since it was a misdiagnosis this made things worse and only increased my agression, leading to me being kicked out of my school. Now however, they say it was a misdiagnosis and I have aspergers. Get this dude, to get diagnosed with aspergers, you have to have at least an above average or genius level IQ So it means your smart. That gave me a little pick me up. Bill gates, mike zuckerberg, steve jobs, and einstine all had aspergers. So it doesn't impaire your life in any way. I will email you. my email is anonoperative687@tormail.org

Hi ice. If you feel like it, email me at Kuronekodollars@gmail.com

Hi ice. If you feel like it, email me at Kuronekodollars@gmail.com

I will thank you

A kindred spirit. Oh blessed be the spirits. As a fellow aspie, I say hello. In many ways, we're in the same boat. My parents are divorced as well, I was diagnosed with both depression and social anxiety,and there have been times where I considered death to be the best solution to my so-called "existence problem". I also used to cut, and I can tell you that while it may dull the numbness for a while, it doesn't stop it. Plus, if anyone you know sees the scars, then you are in for a whole lot of emotional build-up and drainage. Chin-up, sir. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it is what you make it.

>>52 yes i have heard that there is a light at the end of the tunnel but i cant help but think that its the train. i keep thinking that if i turn back away from the light will thing get better will the stress go away? will people be able to accept that i am the cause of their problems? will people finally leave me alone and let me fade into the shadows? i don't know if i really want to disappear, maybe I'm just doing this for attention maybe not i cant really tell anymore. i try to read my own emotions but i cant i just feel empty inside.

i just want help.

I feel like everyone around me are idiots too, and yes I hate myself sometimes too. But, when you find someone that you respect, even just alittle bit, talk to them. If you like them after that conversation and vice versa then you have one person who you think is not an idiot and that sort of throws everything into a different perspective. Or atleast that's how it worked for me, sorry if it doesn't help.

i am an athiest and do not belive in a afterlife(relevent). i think that you only have one life, one chance. it does not matter how bad things get. the worst in life is a thousand times better than nothing. change your lifestyle. move away. go to another country if you have too, because your own life is more important than anything.

it can always...ALWAYS get better

there are idiots in the world so we can laugh at them

Gotta say i've got a pretty good idea how ya feel ice though i can't say i've got much in the way of advice on how to keep going or why to keep going because i've never found much of a reason myself. day after day i wonder what it is i'm waiting for, but i don't know maybe waiting is not the right thing to do anymore... but where do you start? can anyone answer that?

I hate this life too. MY life. To me, my life, and all of peoples' is just a game to god or fate. People, being the puppets and toys, and god or fate being the puppeteer and wanting to be entertained. I hate it. That includes love too. To me, love is just obessions's best friend. A game, to enjoy and be entertained. But you know? Life isnt always as bad as you think it is. Even if I hate life, I just have a small feeling inside of me, telling me to be patient, and soon you have the freedom and paradise of what you want. And I'll do it. Even if the result of it is bad. I mean, spend life, have fun, before you never had the chance again! And if I ever find a true love, I'll accept it. And since you hate reality (just like me) this place is perfect to be someone you want to be! Escape reality! So basically, I accept part of the reality and accept full of dreams. Live on, hang on, to reality, so that you can be here and be greeted by us!

Reality does suck.
All the people you think are idiots probably think you're an idiot too.
Stop putting yourself above them, stop caring about everyone else's problems, such as your parents, and focus on yours.

Life isn't going to get any better if you don't want it to.
Stop crying and accept the fact that life is hard.
You will always feel the way you do about other people and they will always feel the same way about you. The only thing that will change is the individual person, the feelings stay the same.

Stop hating life and make it something you can love or at the very least make it something you can stand.

If you keep that attitude, you might as well call it quits right now.

Don´t give up life, you will not know what your future change. Walk into the light instead of staying into the darkness. It may take a while to change but never give up. Reach to your goal or die trying.

Think of the good things that you have and the people around you how they would feel if something happend. Theres always a silver lining no matter how dull theres always something good there or to come. And dont worry your not alone.

How old are you anyway?
If you're at your teen age it's common. Take it easy, everyone have that sort of problem. Just make sure you don't bring it untill your adulthood.

well there is 1 main flaw in what you say ice, you have alot of friends who care enough to take the time and speak to you to comment on this post and i know how you feel mine are stuck in a hospital and my father hates me i have adhd,odd and severe bipolar pluse a brother with autism, skitso., mental retardation and a hell of alot of physical issues then to top it we can't afford his medication so i have been trained by the state to handle him your not alone and that feeling of death is the urge to give in proceed with life and forge a better future

I feel you.

Hello there, Ice-kun! I really hope u'll feel better and we are all here for you if u need us u just have to reply D:
Hope u'll feel better !! And don't forget we're all united and we're a family so take care and if u need us jsut ask! ^_^

thank you every one for the positive feed back i have decided to try and be active so i bought a ticket to go to a school dance. however there is one thing all of my friends who are going all have dates (this is the type of dance where your supposed to have a date) the dance is Saturday at 7pm to 10pm. i am afraid that i will be ignored the girl i asked to the dance said no so now i don't have a date. today is Thursday so I'm kinda freaking out right now. if anyone has any advice please i would be really grateful.

If you don't know the rules to life or the handbook to being a regular human, find someone who can teach it to you.

Just try and be as social as you can at the dance and make some friends, or just hang out with your best friend :) I'm sorry you feel this way.

>>67 Don't worry about having a date. You might try asking a friend of the opposite gender who doesn't have a date to go with you as a friend. I did this for our homecoming dance and had a great time. In fact, it was more fun than last year when I went with a date. Just hang out with your friends and try not to act like a third wheel (if they start making sexy eyes at each other get the fuck out of there before you get traumatized). This isn't normally a problem during faster songs, typically just slow ones. Move to the beat and feel the music, just try to have a good time.

OK so here is the update i decided to go with a friend of the opposite gender. she is a good friend of mine and she offered to go upon hearing that i don't have a date. however there's a problem, she has a boyfriend that doesn't want to go with her. i'm kind of confused about what this all means.