>>1 Whether you believe what I'm about to say or not, it's up to you.
I think that at some point in life, everyone goes though tough moments like you mentioned, more or less the same or even harder. I have also gone through a tough period in my life since the last year in summer, when I found out that my parents were forcing me to go to two universities at the same time, something that in my country is considered insane. But they wouldn't listen no matter how many reasons or other solutions I provided them with, so I immediately fell in the deepest depression I've even been in. They also didn't care even at this point. I lost many friends because I was constantly complaining and I was upsetting them with my mood, I lost a lot of weight due to the fact that I couldn't eat anymore (I always felt like puking whenever I put any food in my mouth), I felt sick at all times (I almost fainted a few times at school) and then I started believing that my life wasn't worth shit. I despised everyone and everything, including myself for being so weak in front of my parents, and I even thought of killing myself. But I lacked the guts to do so. Again, another thing to get depressed over. I was alone and hated by everyone, friends and family along. Each day I spent praying to God that a miracle would happen or if I could just die faster. And cried and screamed in my room at a daily basis.
But one day, the miracle happened. I was at the beginning of the second term at one of the universities and I saw a piece of paper where there were posted all the grades and exams taken or not of all the students enrolled there. It was full of "0"s everywhere. None of those worthless kids had any exams passed including some of my group. So then it hit me: I would always be the goody-two-shoes in anything, I always backed down in arguments, I went to two damn universities, I did all my homework, I studied almost each day, I went and passed all my exams for what?? So that some low lives could mock even the only university they attended (or not)? I believe not.
And that was the moment I finally realised that I deserved more for all the hard work I had done and that my prayers were heard. And most of all, that everything in this shitty life has a reason, even great depressions.
So you see, there are other people going through hard times, because this is how we make our lives. I don't believe in fate or destiny, but I strongly believe that everything we do, say or think has a purpose that we will later discover. I managed to pass this period through the help of God, but everyone has the right to face these times as well as they can so they can help themselves, because sometimes we are alone. Yes, it's true.
But never despair.
Good things are about to come because after the rain comes a rainbow.
Have more faith. Hang on just a little bit more. This is what I've been telling myself for the past months and even though I didn't quite believe in those words myself, here I am now, again able to smile and make the best of each day and finally feel that I deserve more because this is how special people should be treated.
BE OK.
