Happiness wasn't meant for me...I hate my life and I didn't want to hate myself,but I ended up like that,anyway.My mother moved far away because of her job and now I live with my father,who is nuts.Seriously,he needs to go see a psychologist or something!!!He has a very serious problem with his nerves.But I have a serious problem,too...I am bipolar and I have depression.But I can't help it...What would YOU do if your life sucked like mine does?Yes,you heard me:my life sucks.HARD...Every day I hear these cheerful people say that they love everything and that if I want my life to change,I should be grateful for some things...But how can I be grateful when THERE'S NOTHING to be grateful for?My life isn't satisfying at all.I'm ugly as hell,unpopular,a complete idiot and so lazy that I can't wake up in the morning to go to school.As a result,I'm almost staying in the same grade next year.Also,I never study or do my homework so my grades suck,too.About my "friends"?Haha...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!I don't feel like talking about these bitches at all,OK?!They are the main reason I ended up with depression!I don't have any chances of finding a good job when I grow up and I'm pretty sure I'll never get a boyfriend either...Who would want to be MY boyfriend?I'm so ugly that even my eyes widen when I look myself in the mirror.Also I'm broken and so many dreams of mine have been turned into mush,that I don't feel like dreaming anymore.I wasn't always like this...I was once a happy girl,full of energy.But you see,life tends to make people like me hurt and scared to move on.That's what it does...It takes sensitive people and torture them,until there's nothing left of them...The end...However,I can't rip out my heart so that I won't have feelings.I'll always be able to feel.That's why I'll always be in pain: because nothing good ever comes my way.It feels like I'm cursed or something!!!I've tried everything.I prayed and tried but nothing happened..I don't know what else to do.I'm stuck.AGAIN.And I HATE feeling stuck!God I swear I hate this feeling SOOOO much!I'd rather die than live my whole life filled with this feeling!!HELP!!Is anyone out there who feels the same way?Anyone??I'm looking for some comfort here and someone to talk to...If you are feeling the same way,or if you have been through this,please help!I don't want to live this way anymore...I mean it!This site is my last hope!!!

Listen... I don't like to talk about it but I was in depression for about a year and ended about two or three months ago. I'm all to familiar with the feeling of being alone and having a horrible sense of worthlessness. I'm sorry that I don't have any suggestions, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

Thank you!:') At least you were able to move on with your life...That gives me hopes,you know...I hope that someday I'll get through this,too.Somehow this week seems like FOREVER!:(

"What would YOU do if your life sucked like mine does?"

Be very careful with that line. Because if you and half the other people on this site have a whose-life-is-worse contest, yours wouldn't be very high on the charts.

You're alive. You're healthy. Your parents aren't perfect but neither are ours. You're not perfect but nobody is. Ugliness is something you can grow out of and flower past. If you can't, it's still not a big deal; you just have to accept it and move on. There are plenty of ugly people in the world who have fine spouses. There are plenty of jobs and classes for people who didn't initially do well in school (not doing well in school isn't as big of a deal as you may think, although you should still try your best to pass and focus on classes that you enjoy).

If you feel like you're not doing anything because of not doing well in school, then give your mind a break. Do your homework, but keep your head somewhere else. Find something interesting you want to learn about (herbal remedies, criminal profiling, architecture, art, [insertcountryhere] mythology, et cetera. Find some thing online or find a book about it. Learning things, even outside of school, can be really rewarding.

Just try to motivate yourself, and always remember that there are plenty of people worse off than yourself.

yours won't be*

Really? Get over yourself. The majority of this shit you complain about is your own fucking fault. "I'm lazy", start working a little harder. "My dad is nuts", my father threatened to break my jaw before (just one of our many disagreements), so suck it up sweetheart. "I never study or do my homework, so my grades suck", then fucking do those things for Christ's sake. "Friends" Honey, I'm going to stop you there. If they're such assholes, don't be friends with them, and get better ones. Either way, at least they're still alive. I've watched childhood friends grow up and die. Stop pitching a pity-fest until you resolve to change something about your life.

>>6 Well,I have to agree with you on many things...I decided that I'll stop being friends with these assholes..However,it's not easy for me to find new friends.Oh well,I guess it can't be helped.I won't have any friends...It's still better from having friends that hurt you all the time...And also,you are right,I'm going to work hard so that I'll do better at school.But I'll have to disagree with you about my father...Once,he had locked me out of my family's house,just because I didn't go to get him something to eat!!I had to go and sleep at my grandmother's!(she lives in the same town as me,but her house is still far away from mine,especially if you have to go there on foot at 10:35...Also,my father had broken my nose once,while we were arguing about something.That was the last time I ever spoke badly to him...I'm too scared to shout at him now,or even talk to him when he's drunk...
Actually,I want to thank >>6 and >>4 too,because they helped me realize my life doesn't suck as much as I thought...But I wouldn't call it normal,either...

Believe it or not, my friends draw a bunch of stuff like this.

>>8 What do you mean??Do they draw anime?My "friends" draw anime,too!!^_^Well,no all of them but most of them anyway!!

>>7 My father and I had fights that would shake up our whole family. But now that you've resolved to change some things, I'll wish you luck. If you want to find better friends, try to get more involved in activities you in enjoy. For example if you like knitting, find a knitting group or club in your area. You'll then be surrounded by people who have at least one common interest with you. If you share even one interest, chances are that you'll share multiple interests, which will give you a foundation to build a real friendship.

Thank you,Crisis...^_^

I'm in a similar situation and feel the same way(minus the bipolar). I'm not going to say my life is the worst here because I would be beaten down pretty quick(I've seen my fair share of pretty bad things on this site), but i know it can be hard. My biological mom and dad left me with my grandparents when i was a baby. Then when i was in 4th grade my grandfather(who had served as my father pretty much) was diagnosed with a fatal disease that caused memory loss and lose of functions like walking, talking, and swallowing. He died in 6th grade(I've been in and out of depression sense 5th grade). My relationship with family and friends has been rocky at best.
Anyways, back to your problems. You're not alone. I'm not the best looking person either but i have a handful of friends who aren't complete asses. Good people are out there. You just have to be willing to look and take a few chances. Life will never get easier but that doesn't mean it has to be miserable. Find the handful of good people around you, find a hobby(you could join a club to help find those good people), and push through it. If you always look down, you will never be able to reach the top. Keep your head held high and hang in there. Hard work will pay off eventually.

Thanks a lot for your support...I am really sorry for your grandfather,dxb...I want to move on!I'm TRYING to move on!However,I just feel as if nothing good ever happens to me and I cry really easily...Today,something horrible happened at school...My day was so horrible that I cut my wrist.Right now,I'm lying in my bed.The cut hurts a lot,as it is bleeding,but I feel better inside,if you know what I mean.I was a fool for thinking that I could move on...I really can't. I'm broken inside,but I won't kill myself because I've got a mother that loves me and I'm sure she'll be very sad if she finds out that I committed suicide.I want to live normally,but I can't I feel stupid,worthless,but most of all,helpless.Today,two girls at my school told me I'm pretty.But I didn't reply...I'm sure they were lying and they say really nasty stuff behind my back...Everyone lies...Everyone hides things...Everyone puts on fake smiles.I don't want to live in this cruel,unfair world.Nobody asked me if I wanted to go through this...But I went,anyway!And I'm still going through the same...I feel trapped in this world.I don't want to be here anymore!I don't want my own father to be home because we argue all the time, but I don't want to stay at school,either.I don't belong ANYWHERE!!Seriously,the world would be better off without me!

If you're lost, use a map.

/sage

>>14 =_=
Shush, Day. You're only making yourself look stupid.

>>14 Sheesh...-.- She obviously means lost in her life,idiot!!Hey,Dark Angel...I'm sorry to say this,but you need to get help...Immediately!The fact that you cut your wrists and you want to kill yourself,means that you're suffering from major depression.You NEED help!I'm just saying this because I care about you,OK?You must call someone and talk to him/her about your problem.Well,the best thing you could do would be to see a therapist,but I understand that your father is a complete asshole,so he won't pay for that...But whatever you do,don't just stay there doing nothing!I think your whole life is being destroyed because of depression!!It can KILL you and your life IS important,believe it or not!!!:-(

So I have a good life currently and it is pretty cool. Soo, I used to have many things that bothered me and made me depressed but I feel much better now. I'll try to help you out... My number is 956 364 9417. That is my alternate number so if you wanna text me you can. If you need someone to text to. :)
I'll give you my other number if we get to know each other.

So... The problem is your dad. He is making you feel bad and is kind of provoking this issue. Any other problem is consequence of how he makes you feel.
To be happy, you have to be stable. But to be stable is hard, so there's a couple of ways to work with.
Become independent.. Make your food, wash your clothes, find a job. I swear, this is the one it helped me get out.
Avoid problems. If you have something that bothers you, before it becomes a conflict, say "sorry" and walk away or in cases just don't reply. Do something else and you'll feel better. Remember that the world is big and there is enough space for him to screw over.
Understand your emotions. Know that they will affect your daily life and work in your problems. It's okey to be pissed when someone doesn't listen, but don't react to your emotions. Actions beat emotions so do as you need and the emotions will move in that direction.
Find confidence. Dress well, get the haircut you wanted, change clothes daily, use a perfume, think your the coolest and prettiest person. You'll be found more likable when you feel confident and it will help you when someone is rude to you. Dont be overconfident or cocky.
Ask people for help. Girls and classmates who you see are empathetic. Ask them for a hug. To talk about your emotions. I personally like asking for video games(cause I'm a guy) and manga, as well as hanging out with people I like, or asking to visit them.
Last, know life throws ups and downs, so prepare for the downs when you are up, and fight for your stability when your down.

Hope you do well. :) I'm sure your great, just find yourself. Don't be too much close minded and accept some things, but don't suck it up either. Life is wonderful, as you are, just have to figure things out. Cheers,
My nickname is Freedy, take care angel...

Thanks a lot,Freedy.Hey,I can't text you because we might not live in the same country...However,would you like us to talk via Facebook?Is Freedy your fb nickname,too?

Oh wow, same country? Not U.S.? Okey, okey... Ahm, my email is tokio.world@hotmail.com its just that I wanna avoid the chance that I get pranks to whatever I put online... So send me an email, and we contact each other. :) see you soon, ;)

You have no idea how much I can relate.. My parents are really strict and ever since I was young( about 7) Ive been dreaming about killing my self. Its like why am I even alive but yeah if you ever need me message me on skype (iris.ongkingco)

>>19 Alright!However...I would never pull a prank to something you put online!You helped me a lot to get through this,seriously!I feel better now and I cannot thank you enough!:) If it weren't for you and the Dollars,I might be dead now...Thanks again!
and >>20 Thank you for your wanting to help.:) I'll message you.

>>20 ahm, you might wish to die, but it's not a good dream to want to die. My friend, life is sad sometimes, find the place where your life is better. :) I smile to you. One dream I offer you, to make your own, make people smile.
I hope your happy...

Angel, I hope to say hi soon..

I know how you feel... I was left alone most of my life so I had to learn to depend on myself. My mom and dad was always away on business so I had to take care of myself. Recently my dad has been home a lot so I get to spend time with him. I don't like my father at all in fact I don't even consider him a father. he is very mean and no matter what I do to try and make him proud he just telling me everything thats wrong with me and tells me that I should have never been born. I'm constantly being bullied by him. We are always getting into fights so now I live with my mother I go to school come home do the housework make dinner and go to bed my mom is never home so I am usually alone. my father will call the house and leave messages about what a failure I am. I do understand you and I hope you do a lot better.

>>13 It's ok to hurt or long for something you don't have some times. A friend said once "I don't think someone should be considered strong if the person never cries, I think someone is more "strong" if they know when it's okay just to let it out." It's good you have a reason to live(your mom). Take that and make that your strength, your motivation. No one "wants" to live in this cruel world, but the good people like you, I and the dollars have to if we have any hope of making it better. I agree with many people here by saying you need help. I know it can be hard to seek help but trust me, it will be worth it. They can help you over come these feelings. They can help you move on. You don't have to be alone in this world. You simply have to look for the people willing to help. You need to stop cutting because that just leads to health problems, scars, and more pain. Just remember, the world isn't as bad as you may think. I wish you well in life and hope you turn your life around and make the best of it.

I can't say I have household issues as bad as you do, but I do know where you're coming from. I know how I feels to be judged and persecuted all the time, at home, and outside. At home, I live with a brother with severe autism, a mother with severe depression, an ADD high father, and me, ADD teen. My brother lives like a two-year old king (although being ten years of age). He can barely go to the bathroom by himself, and is one hundred percent dependent on my mother. My mother, who's time is eaten up by my brother and her career, is always stressed, depressed, and is on the verge of walking out the door forever. She depends on me to keep the emotional climate of the house in top form, a job that I have a lot of trouble doing. I have my own emotional problems, and it weighs heavily on me when I see my mother, a shell of her former self. Dead tired eyes, a constant, sagging frown, and overwhelming depression. This due to a constant barrage of ADD, autism, and work induced problems.

My father is away most o the time, working in the oilfields of Alberta, as he cannot stay home without constantly fighting with me and my mother. When he is home, he is an asshole to everybody In the house. Oh, he's all chipper and happy the first couple of days, and then he reverts to old habits of treating my mother and I with utter disrespect, trying to deal with my brother, who he has absolutely no clue how to work with, and just generally creating stress in the home. He persecutes me severely for the smallest things, whether that be cracking my knuckles, leaving a book out, just to flex his power as father "figure". Emphasis on the "figure". As well, his behaviour affects my mother severely, sinking her down into the depths of depression and emotional anguish.
And then he leaves to go on a job, leaving his family in shambles. Mom then takes out her grief on me, making my ADD behaviours worse and all hell breaks loose. My mother threatens to surrender me to child services, divorce my father ( we hadn't the funds to in the first place) and declare bankruptcy. Did I mention that my dad has a gambling problem? I can never live up to either of my parents expectations.

My brother is completely dependent on my mother, always comes first for everything, although Being younger than me and hits me and my mother as an outlet for his anger.

So yeah, my home life in a nutshell. All of us have family issues, some more severe in certain areas, some in others. You just have to get through the tough times, find ways to cope or make your life better. Trial and error. Just remember, all of us here are friends, you never have to feel alone. We can help, let us.

In closing, heres A little quote that might be good to remember. Write it down, stick in your wallet, whatever.

"Smile! The world isn't as bad as you think"

Flamemaster1

Thank you all,guys!!I feel better now.And,Yo,I think I managed to send you an e-mail...I only had gmail,not hotmail,but I created an account anyway.It wasn't really easy to send you a mail,but I think I managed to do it.However,I only think I managed to do it...I'm not sure...:p Did you get it?

I had an assembly at my school for people just like you.

i feel the same way, bout myself

i feel the same way, bout myself