Before i even learned how to read and write i was abused, my moms ex boyfriend beat me everyday, i stayed up i was punished i cried it made it worse, i was made to balance marbles on the back of my palms and if they fell and made a noise i would get a beating. My mind was my safe place it filled with evil thoughts, thoughts of revenge. For 12 years i was beaten down and broken everyone i reached out to whether it be family/friends/school turned their back on me they all knew and did nothing. By some miracle he was arrested and sent to prison but the pain was still there,i was in middle school i thought i was free but i wasnt over those 12 years i became paranoid,self concious, i made friends at least thats what normal people thought but all they did was pick on me call me names i hated them i hated everyone my anger building up i closed myself up i put a fake smile i bottled my emotions, by high school i trusted no one i made up my mind i was going to self destruct i shut everyone out i either slept or i was at school i couldnt concentrate i kept thinking about hurting those who have hurt me. Then i found someone who was like me also hurt and broken i made friends with him and we went out it was nice i was happy truly happy all my thoughts were about him not bad just my future with him.... in the end he also hurt me he cheated on me and i found out he lied

about everything... about himself about him being in pain, right when he got attention i was abandonned i was hurt i dropped out of high school and i just slept everyday i only got up to drink/eat/shower/bathroom nothing mattered life was meaningless to me, pain is all i know, after 2-3 months of just sleeping(some days casual tv watching nothing that caught my interest)i kept tihnking of how pathetic i am i let myself be hurt too many times i became cold i kept thinking ot myself to make a change but what is there to change for? my heart was broken anyone i let close hurts me..... i started watching anime

elfin lied was the first anime i watched it captured the pain and misery i have inside me i started watching more animes, code geass ,deathnote,deadman wonderland, they all had a message there, when i watched anime i didnt think of my life i shut it out i was happy, i watched durarara i got curious i found this site and this thread i just want to put my life out there, advice and comments are welcome, please no trolls i really dont need that right now

You know what I've learned? Life goes on.
No one gives a shit about your problems because everyone has problems of their own.
So my advice to you, would be to let it all go.
Stop caring about what happened.
I know it's really hard to do that...but it's not impossible and apathy feels better than most things.

How can i let it go if its always in my mind, i know its possible and i want to move on but my mind is filled with those thoughts,hatred,pain,anger. Life goes on but mine feels the same

Can I be your friend? My skype is gra.gary. if u have a skype we can IM and even call each other. I talk to buds in china and australia all the time, so if you're ever looking for a shoulder or someone to lend an ear, I certainly can.

Let me know if that's something ur okay with.

Also, being apathetic can just be seen as another form of denial, not caring about ur problems is not the same thing as accepting them. You did the right thing. Seeking help is always the first step. Being apathetic will only turn your own emotions against you and turn you cynical. That's not how you're supposed to live and enjoy life.

ghostmuzeek is my skype, i tried looking you up but 3 people showed up

I am going to bed thanks everyone for the support

muzeek you had a tough life and i think i can connect to you i'm going to completely honest with you i haven't been abused by my father but i was always neglected through my whole life nobody ever truly cared for me and everyone just acted as im of no importance you had it worse than me and i don't want to see a person fall into the abyss i would like to be there for you i want to be your friend i don't want you to suffer and unlike that guy that lied to you im telling the truth

(Im Squit, nice to meet you)
Muzeek. Did you try took that name from the sound of the word Music? okay, i go now.

Your dad, exboyfriend dad. I hate him. I wouldn't forget, and i would be full of hate. Yeah, have evil thoughts, smashing his head, stabbing him in his sleep, cut his throat, poison his food, electrocute him.. It is okay. I think it is at least. But...
You have to go to school AND get out of your house to feel better. Staying home will make your life suck. Really. Thats were HE was, and staying in the dunk of smelling ignorance will not help you.
Find a job(nothing illegal) and go out. I invite you to dinner if you want. Just go out, the world is not full of evil people, even though it feels like it. There is just so much stupidity that makes us suffer. Makes you suffer, i am quite fine with stupidity, got used to it and can "defend" myself.

People have sad stories, i love hearing sad stories. Most of all, because the people living nightmares can see the world different, and are so wonderfully different.

But act normal. Your normal. You probably not forget, but make your new life be so nice that those memories are just but shadows. And when you see those shadow, say: "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU." and find peace after releasing the anger, control that you can take their life, or sanity that your not that crazy.

Me being me: I hope everything turns well. I wish you a good life. In my life, i try for others to be happy but it is really hard to, i haven't had so many hardships and am very hard to come by. But, when you have your life(yes, everyone gets a life!), give a hand to those who were like you.
Wish you the best.

>>9 thank you i would like that
>>10 Yeah Muzeek from music i always felt it was a unique name.
Also thank you for the advice, i want to move on and i will try i just need people for support.

Sounds kinda like my life, except my dad had a reason for beating me most of the time. If it was just leaving a pencil out that was enough for me to get beat, but at least it was a reason. There was only one time which he spent the whole night beating me for no reason. That is the only time I will not excuse his behavior.

Though on a lighter note I learned how to lie and decieve others, and my teachers, so I wouldn't get in trouble. I did some crazy shit in high school that could have got me expelled, but from getting beat I learned to lie really well. I don't know if it was from my upbringing, but I am content with being alone for the rest of my life.

What I found to be the best was to skate. I know it isn't for everyone, but there is that one thing that could bring a smile to your face regardless of the situation. Writing also helps, since for me I can organize my thoughts a lot better and make more sense of my problems. I don't know if it was a good thing, at the time, but I hung out with simiar suicidal and messed up people. I only still know one of them now, who is my best friend. Though I heard another is in jail and was addicted to drugs.

I don't really know what else I can really put down to help. Maybe that you don't needto trust others to hang out with them. What matters is if you are enjoying yourself.

BUBBLES! I know this may seem childish but whenever I'm mad, I sometimes like to blow bubbles. If I can't make bubbles, I think of it. Other times I just listen to music. I don't know how you feel Muzeek, since i've never been i your situation. Except for the fact that I've been bullied for most of my life, but it's not close to your situation I guess. I'm 15, and a boy. I'm not sure if it's genetics or what but it seems I don't care for what people have to say, good or bad. It depends on the situation. If it doesn't seem important to me, I forget that same day. That sometimes bothers me because I sometimes forget important stuff when I don't want to. I hope it isn't short term memory loss, which i doubt since i remember some of the shows i used to watch as a kid. As for advice, i suppose you should find a hobby that makes you forget about your problems. But make sure it's not a bad thing, like drugs. I don't want you too destroy your body while trying forget your problem or problems momentarily. I'll find more advice soon. As for me right now, I need to get some sleep. I have to go to school tomorrow. Good night, or good morning, or good afternoon, or good evening, whatever time of day it is when you read this.

Greetings from Germany!
I hope you can read what I wrote, because the bad google translator helped me. :D Yes my English at school is really bad. Probably the translator messed up the grammar.

I think you should make something out of you. :)
Your past is truly awful. My clique at school consists of only people who have a shit past, except me. I'm actually the only one that has no problems. Since charged me nothing, I can listen to their problems and help them.
I think you should turn it to good. It sounds cheesy, but these experiences that you've done in life, I have not, so I can’t learn from it. You can use your experience in the future, life experience. A friend of mine told me once that she said what her mother did to her; she later would do better on her own daughter. And then I realized that she has a good soul, she was raped almost, but still has a will to live.
Trying to find out your strengths, if you think you have no strength, then develop yourself further.

I hope that in your life you can still make a lot of positive experiences.

You have friends in the dollars. You can call on us whenever you need something. We might not have the same lifestyle you had, but you can trust us. I'm not here much, but I'll make sure to do my part when I can.

What the guy/gal above me said.

I'm new here and now that I'm scrolling through all the threads, I've realized how different each dollar is. Each person has problems of there own and many people have been abused too, so you're not alone. Many people around the world are suffering the same problems.
I'm quite young and don't really know much. I've never been bullied and I've never been abused so I can't really relate to how you're feeling. But if I was in your position, I guess I'd have feelings of hatred and pain too. To be honest, I'd probably go crazy...but you know life goes on. All I can say is go out and live your life, find things that will make you forget your pain (nothing illegal). Find something that makes you happy and try to make the best of things. Forgive and forget. It's super hard but one day you'll be okay, just stay strong! And if you ever need a shoulder to cry one, the dollars are always here ^^

>>16 guy

Bump