Why are you doing it?

Cuz I'm just so tired of caring. Because I just wanna die sometimes. Cuz I feel like no one cares even though I know that's not true.

So you're basically doing it for no reason.

No. I'm doing it because I feel like worthless a piece of shit that won't achieve anything in life. Because I've been bullied almost my whole life just cuz I'm different. Because my mother makes me feel worthless. Because my brother won't talk to me and I don't know why. Because my grandfather is dying. Because no one really cares and I'm alone.

Your friend definitely cares about you. It's fine to be depressed once in a while, but don't let it control your life.

Remember that there are still good things in the world. What do you like to do? What do you find joy in? Find time to do that, make it. Nothing is more important than your ability to be happy. And remember that you're NEVER ALONE! You always have us, the Dollars, on your side.

If anyone can find my Dopamine Reward System post and copy/paste it here, it'll be greatly appreciated.

I'd also like to direct you to the Butterfly Project Mission on Missions Board. I also suggest you look that up on Youtube.

Okay, first off cutting is hard to get away from, since it relieves a lot of the tension. I thought I was over it at one point, but then I relapsed. One of the major things I suggest doing is writing. Just write whatever comes to mind, and in doing that you should find out what's troubling you so much. It won't be a quick fix, but it will be a lasting resolution to your problems. Just hanging out with friends help keep your depression under a little bit of control. It might not work, but you could try skating, since that helped me out a lot as well.

Butterfly Project: http://dollars-bbs.org/missions/res/1330569495.html

>>9 This.


Really, find something you love doing, and do that. I love cooking and baking. When I'm super depressed, and don't feel like cooking or baking I'll start making cookies anyways, even though I feel like I don't want to. Soon enough I'm smiling and having fun. Depression can be caused by many things such as a poor eating habit, insomnia, hormonal imbalances, not enough exercise etc. I'd say trying eating healthier, maybe start working out a little, try to make sure you get enough sleep, and maybe go see your doctor. I also say try the Butterfly Project. :) That also helped me a lot. Depression is hard to deal with and cutting is addicting. I thought I was done cutting. But then, I got super down, and started again. You wonderful Dollars helped me out a lot :) it's been almost a year sense last time I cut. That is an amazingly long time for me. I think 3 months was the longest before that.

I just want to say that your friend obviously does care about you. Even if he doesn't seem to have anything useful to say, he obviously wants to try and comfort you.

>>8 Got it.

There's a process in your brain called the Dopamine reward system. If you didn't know, Dopamine is the main of the four hormones in the brain that I call "happy hormones" and it is the only one that's only purpose is to make you happy.

There are several things that cause a release in Dopamine. This is how the Dopamine reward system starts. When you do something that releases dopamine, your mood improves. Things that cause this are exercise, chocolate, looking at someone with a proportional face (basically someone that's hot), or smiling. I'm sure there's more, but those are the only things that I've been told.

When I say exercise, I don't mean actually lifting weights or running. While this does also help, it could be anything. Go play tag with a friend. Go take a jog with your dog. While your active, it counts. This also helps because it improves your body shape, which makes you feel better about yourself. It also just leaves you too exhausted to give a fuck by the end of the day.

Eating chocolate releases dopamine, but I don't have much else to say about it. I guess that's why girls like chocolate when they're depressed.

Looking at someone that's hot helps when you make eye contact. Why this works? Your brain must be rewarding you for catching the attention of a hot person. This is why people stare at hot people.

Smiling helps a lot. It's also the easiest to do when you can't do the others. The more you smile, the more dopamine released, the happier you are, and the cycle goes on.

I haven't heard this with the Dopamine reward system, but it's proven that people with pets live longer happier lives. You feel accomplished. It helps to feel unconditionally loved by your pet. I've seen people cheer up at the cite of a cute cat or dog or whatever. Cute animals helps.

My advice? Get a dog and run with it twice a day. IT's good for the dog and you. Get one from the shelter. These dogs will love you unconditionally because you literally just saved them from a hell hole. Then you're active and you have the cute pet for double dopamine. When you're at school or something, then you just smile. It feels weird at first to smile when your not happy, but it helps pretty quickly. Try to smile, laugh, or listen to a good joke. If you have a hard time smiling for no reason, then try to find a good joke to make you laugh.

Did a lot of what people suggested still ended up cutting myself. with a fork ,by the way.

>>13
There will be no quick fix to your cutting, but trying and dealing with your problems is the sure way to get over it. Writing will help if you don't really know what is troubling you, but it toook me years to find out everything that was troubling me.

For a temporary fix, now and then, hang out with friends more. That helps ease some of the stress, but it won't fix anything. Also being around people usually makes you second think about cutting in front of them.

Everyone says to find something you love doing, and that I think is hard in itself. I didn't know skating would be that outlet for me, but I was lucky I found it. It can be anything, from music to sports. If you find something that can make you smile from being in any state, be it anger or sadness, stick with it.

>>13 I was going to give a legitimate response, but then I read this and it confirms the worst of my suspicions.

Listen, there are much more constructive ways of drawing attention to yourself. Adopting what you apparently perceive as "what sad people do" is rather silly of you, and I encourage you to look at yourself from an outside perspective to ask whether or not you're being rational.

This is all assuming you actually do cut yourself. Nobody who commits self-harm because they're really damaged psychologically would just offhandedly mention how they did it. Nobody asked, nobody actually cares what methods you used, and saying so is really just a bait to get people to comment on it. Which succeeded, considering I'm doing just that, though probably not in the way you imagined.

You're centering your personal issues on the fact that you cut yourself, which is not something a depressed person would do. Self-harm is a means to an end - something they do for complex reasons that can't fully be described with "because I wanna die sometimes" or "because I feel bad." Never is it their primary problem - it much deeper than that.

By all means, take this message either as real advice, or take the low road I expect from your sort of thought process and attempt to prove just how fucked up you are. But remember that doing the latter does literally nothing to helping your case, and only proves my point.

People here will help you regardless of if you're harming yourself or not, if it's just advice you want. The entire personal board was created to discuss personal problems, so I don't see why you'd try to spruce yours up to turn heads.

(continued from >>15, if you're still reading)

Trust me when I say I've known people in similar situations as >>5. Terrible situations can magnify your own problems, to the point that they no longer really make sense.

How do you know you're worthless, and what your life holds in store for you? Are you a fucking oracle? The only thing stopping you from doing something with your life is yourself, and the notion that you can't. Everyone can. Does everyone need to to be worth a damn? Not really, actually. What does it even mean, to be worthless, knowing so many people happily get by without doing much at all? What does it mean that you think you won't achieve anything in life when people have started off much worse and achieved greater? What's stopping you from being the greatest god damned person ever, something stupid like fate? Please.

There's a word for people that bully others for being different: cowards. People that are inherently apprehensive towards things they aren't used to, and thus attack it with the most primal instinct they have. People who don't bother to give enough thought to their actions to consider their meaning. So similarly, you should give them just as little thought as they give you - that is, none at all. The worst thing you could do is react to it, because logically speaking, you're literally making something terrible out of nothing special. The comments they make at you are worth the same amount as bathroom wall writing. Do you cry about bathroom wall writing? Has anyone cut themselves because someone drew a penis on the side of the urinal? Why would you feel bad about what some asshole said without thinking?

Does your mother think you're worthless or is she just mad at you about things sometimes? You aren't the first person to feel pressure from their parents' expectations, especially after failing them. I spent basically all of highschool betraying expectations left and right until I entered college. Your mom has no leverage over whether or not you're worth something, no matter how bad it makes you feel. If you don't remember that then you have pretty shitty logic - usually one would try to justify things, not make them worse for no reason.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. When I said I knew someone in your situation before, I meant all of my cousins when my grandfather died. It shook some of them hard, because we were all young. One of them went through your situation, turning to being unnecessarily dark in an attempt to assuage her sad feelings. That's not really something you can help, but it's not something you should make worse either. What will cutting yourself have anything to do with your grandpa? I don't think he'd appreciate being responsible for you being harmed in any way, especially if you're making it so yourself.

And you aren't alone. You just feel alone. No one is ever truly alone, especially if they're on this website talking to people about their problems. Irrational as it is, people here really give a shit if someone comes to them with a problem - trust me on this. It's an insult to their altruistic nature if you still claim to be alone in your problems after they've tried to help you out.

There's no 'sprucing' involved. I never 'spruce'.

>>17 "with a fork ,by the way."

If just a fork was used then you just want attention, since it is really difficult to cause a serious cut with a fork.

I stuck with razors and knifes.

>>19 You're missing the point.

This is not a fucking contest.

>>20
I'm not saying it is a contest. Just using a fork doesn't give the same sensation. I offered advice already for the matter at hand. But it doesn't seem all that bad after seeing that he used a fork. One can only get a big scratch from that, not a cut.