>>4 Such a good statement to get back on topic and answer the OP's statement to, Great Jerb! No, seriously, piliing a complaint on a complaint isn't aiding anything. If you want to be proactive than be helpful in spite of them.
Now, OP... I don't believe even half of your statement. You are young, and I'm more inclined to believe that you're attempting to give a fantasy to impress us or otherwise think of you, but your presentation was very flawed.
For that matter,
>>3 and
>>2 are actually being gentle, because even without the language issues this pot is almost entirely incoherent. None of us have a clue what you've done or your situation or how you feel because it's so blocked up by romantic bullshit.
If you want us to help, speak clear, plain English, and tell us what's happening. Otherwise no one is going to care.