I need some advice on something. I'm not very good at dealing with people, so your opinion would be much appreciated :/

It's about my mum. We went on a holiday to the Philippines a couple of years ago, to visit my relatives. I don't speak Filipino, so I had no way of knowing what anyone was saying, but my Mum was brought up there, so she knew how to speak the language.

Anyway, ever since we've returned home, she's been acting really ... strange. The first thing I noticed was that she was becoming a lot more religious. She would pray by herself for hours on end in her room, and would flip out if anyone disturbed her. She often asked me to join her, but I'm not the religious type ... and I'm sure my refusals affected her view of me, and she often reminds me that I'm going to hell. ANYWAY, I'm sure the trip to her home country made her this way, since they're very religious over there, but there were other signs of her "strangeness".

Another thing I noticed, was that she was becoming very, VERY anti-social. She's only been out a few times in the two years since the holiday, and by "been out", I mean stuff like dining out, or parties. Whenever she gets invited to go somewhere, she always turns it down, saying she has to work, which is a lie, because I awake on the day to find her sleeping in bed, hardly working at all. She's also developed a strong hate towards the human race, including my friends and family. It's not a rare thing if I hear her bagging out my friends, which drives me nuts. She's also become REEEEALLY stereotypical, saying things like, "White people are lazy." or, "Australians all deserve the cyclones because they're not compassionate." I used to ignore all these types of things, but it got to the point where I was so pissed, I started arguing back. I know, big mistake when it comes to parents, but I just find it really infuriating how, by insulting Australians, she is actually insulting me as well.

Also, I noticed her becoming overly paranoid. She always comes up with these conspiracy theories, and she has this unjustified grudge against the police, and tries to convince me they're following her, when clearly, they are not. Whenever the car engine stalls, she tells me it's because someone's been tampering with the car. We take the car to the mechanics, and they say that the car’s battery as run out, with no evidence of interference, at all. Whenever the Salvation Army knocks on our door, asking for donations, she immediately thinks that it's personal, and that they're out to get her. "Why are they only knocking on our door?" she says, as she watches them through the blinds, as they proceed to knock on our neighbour's door. I mean really.

I feel like we have nothing in common any more, and that we have no relations to each other what so ever. She's just been drifting off into her own little world, and it's really concerning me. I mean I love her and everything, but the insults, the paranoia, the i'm-going-to-shove-my-religion-down-your-throat, it's making her become unbearable. I hate talking to her, and that scares me. I've tried telling her that no one is out to get her, and that she's being racist when she calls Australians unproductive, and defend my friends when she lashes horrible comments about them behind their backs, but she just isn't getting it. And whenever I do try to convince her otherwise, I lose my cool and it turns into a heated argument. I just don't know what to do anymore ...

Quite a horrible situation. Do you know which religion it is that she is affected with? What does it mean to her? Why does she feel an urge for it? You'll need to know that to have any sort of repairing your relationship with her.

According to what you've written she shows many signs of being deeply involved in this religion. Very deep. Paranoia is one the major signs.
Unfourtently I do not know what you can do. It is extremely hard to have someone see their own faults within religion. The harder you'll try to drag her out of that space the harder she will believe in it. That's the usual reaction I'm afraid.
I'd actully advise you to seek help from the school etc, talking to a wellfare officer might help, if your school has one that is.

Some people snap out of it after some time, others do not. Does she has any friend that can snap some sense into her? Can you live with your father or relatives house prehaps?

Her strangeness is not a disease and can therefore not be cured. Her thoughts is what is needed to be changed, or, at least known. Unless you can get her to spell them out there is little hope for change.

Allow me to say it even though you already know it.
You're not doing anything wrong. Defending your friends etc are good. Fight on! Try not to be affected to much by what she says.
I dislike speaking to my father or being near him so I can sort of understand the hell you're going through.
Sorry I can't be of more help, if this was of any help at all.

maybe someone from the Philippines told her about some negative thoughts about australians?

my mom's a filipina, but she's ain't like your mom.. because my mom doesn't want to be a filipina.. she's not proud of it.. @_@ i wonder why, but i know most of filipino people are friendly and nice..

but about your problem, you can ask her about her religion, i'm sure she'll be happy and would take time explaining things about it..and you'll get a clue from asking her . .

i hope your relationship will be fixed soon..

How old is your mom? It could be the feeling of "impeding doom" like she fears going to hell or something. Maybe...

>>2 and >>3: She's Christian, or to be more precise, Catholic. I'm Christian too, I got dragged into at a young age, but I wouldn't say I'm a practicing Catholic. I mean, I'm fine with Christianity and everything, and I think I would actually be interested in it, if it wasn't forced upon me. To put it simply, she's just making the religion look terrible, and not everyone appreciates it when someone tells them they're going to hell, just because they don't believe in God.

>>2 I would go and seek help, but honestly, I think I'm too scared to acknowledge that my mum has a serious problem :T Like at first, I thought she was just a tad bit insane, but now it's just escalated like crazy. I know her well, and she's the person who exaggerates things, and is the type to make mountains out of hills, so I'm really unsure if it actually is a mental issue, or if she's just being a big drama queen.

No, I don't believe she has anyone that could snap her out of it. My Dad's tried a few times, but he doesn't hold much authority or respect with her. And my family all live together, so I don't have any relatives to stay with, and besides, moving out to live with my other family would be out of the question.

No no, you were a great help! It really got me thinking! I think I might talk to my Dad a little bit more seriously about it, and see what he thinks, because at the moments we're just making stray jokes about it. :/

>>4 She's 50, so I suppose that could have some influence on her behaviour. But I don't know, I have this feeling where I think even if she was, say, 10 years younger, it would be the same situation.

Well, I think it may be just returning back to the culture from where she came. I honestly think that's one of the issues that needs to be addressed.

My mom is 100% Philipina, but born in the states. The rest of her family, however, had to come here from the Philippines. My mom, and this may just be because of how she was brought up, but she is extremely paranoid, to the point where she thinks people are looking in our window, wonders why people are knocking on our door, and extremely stereotypical. And this seems like vaguely normal behavior among Philipinos, since this is how most of her family is.

I hope this helps a little bit! Oh, and what part of the Philippines is your mom from? Or what language does her family speak? My mom's mom, I know for sure, was from Manila, and my grandma's family speaks Tagalog, while my grandpa's family speaks Ilicano.

>>6 The behaviour you described sounds exactly like my mum's. I have no idea what her family is like, I've only seen them twice in the space of several years, and I don't how to speak their language, so I can't really get to know them that well. Maybe they are like that, I have no clue.

She's from an island called Guintarcan (I have no idea what part of the Philippines it's in). She speaks Tagalog, her whole island does.

And thanks, it does help! :)

>>5 If you do want to snap her out of it, you should try learning what the true heart of Jesus is like, and expressing it to her. It's worth a shot. This may also help with you relationship. I would understand if it's hard, though, with her reminding you that you're going to hell frequently, and, to boot, pretty much shoving it down your throat :| Despite all odds, if you show her His love, that may just be enough to snap her out of it.

This is only a hunch, but it sounds like she's involved with something else other than Catholicism... I honestly can't say much about the cultural part.

I hope this helps some, and I wish you well with your situation. I'll pray on it, if it means anything to you.

>>8 I've actually tried that. Like, when ever she asked me to pray with her, I'd do it. And we went to church and everything, and she seemed to be a lot more bearable than usual. So she brought up the "omg-everyone-is-following-me" thing again, and I tried to convince her otherwise, but she just got all pissy and moody so I didn't bother trying again :/

She definitely wouldn't be involved in anything apart from Catholicism, she's devoted to it. Being involved in anything else is a massive sin in her culture, so I highly doubt that.

NAW thank you so much, I appreciate it! :D

I'm a Filipino. But I'm not religious. I think I have an idea...the older people (which is our parents) are brought up under the strict and conservative influence of the Catholic church (I know much because my own mom and other elder people here act like what you've mentioned). Although we, the present generation aren't like that anymore. Anyways, I don't know what to do about it either. Sometimes, my own mom rants that calamities happen because the people from that place aren't being religious enough. I just ignore her though. That's the way they were raised. But, of course, you can still talk sense to your mom. But do not argue with her. Use right timing to express your own views.

>>7 Hm. Well the Tagalog side of my mom's family is a slight bit more paranoid than the other side of her family... Maybe its just that island kind of makes people more paranoid. Like it's more likely to have something bad happen to them or something. I don't know though...I agree with Yuuko on the religion aspect, because I'm Catholic myself, I'm just not an extremely dedicated Catholic.

Like I said, I think she just kind of had time to re-adjust to the way her family is and everything. The Filipinos I know that are from the Philipines are extremely religious, so just have a talk with her, if/when you can, about the difference between your religious views. Maybe this will clear her mind and kinda bring her back. Good luck!!

Wow, it surprises me how common this is. Judging from all your feed back, I'd have to say it's a cultural/religious thing, so I suppose there's not much I can really do about that :T

It's been about 2-3 years since we last went to the Philippines, and she's STILL acting up, so I doubt there's any chance of "bringing her back". I'll try to restrain my temper and reduce any arguments I have with her, but I don't think that's going to change either. What can I say, I love to argue :P

Thanks everyone for giving me advice and opinions and what not, it's really helped me, and it's comforting to know I'm not the only one dealing with a similar problem.

I'm Australian myself so naturally I now hate your mum (no offense and I mean it) okay I can suggest that she might have a mental disease not trying to insult her here but you said she was becoming more anti-social oh actually what you said would have a lot to do with stress so to give you any advice on the subject I would have to have a lot more information. Basically, if your mum has been having trouble in her life then this is the root of why your mum's been acting like she is.