1 Name: Crisis !JjfHYEcdHQ : 2012-06-22 19:01 ID:bTDBGDdo [Del]
Don't comment if you've never had a very similar experience. This does contain sexual content as well, you've been warned. I'll try to make this short.
So I dated this girl for 2 years, and was absolutely head over heels for this girl (We did have sex quite often). But we were in high school and not totally mature yet, we didn't really think before we said things, or before we acted. She began to not trust me, and jealousy slowly killed the relationship. It wasn't a mutual break up. Hell, neither one of us wanted it to be over, but a relationship can't exist without trust. How it happened was she had slowly pulled me away from friends, and I was able to talk to only a couple of the many friends I had before. One day while we were fighting about me hanging out with friends, she asked me to choose between her, or my friend. I realized what she was really asking. This wasn't the first time we'd had a fight like this. The first time we did I thought, "Well, if she dislikes her that much, I won't be around her", and gave up a friend. Now having to choose again, I realized she was asking "Is it me, or your friends?" I didn't want to choose. I deeply deeply cared for this girl. I begged her not to make me choose, but she wouldn't give in, and I realized what my choices were. I could either satisfy her jealousy and stay with her and never again have any real friends of my own, or I could choose to live my own life and not the empty shell that it would be if I should choose her. I chose my friends. This devastated her, completely breaking her heart. It was incredibly hard for me too. This was the last thing I ever wanted to do, but no relationship can live like that. She loathed me, and i didn't blame her. We didn't talk for 3 years.
3 Years later, I'm hanging out with some friends at a hookah lounge, and I run into her. I apologize for how things ended, and said that I regretted not being able to be friends with her after what happened. I was ready to catch a storm of shit, but she just smiled and said she was too. We ended up getting a hookah, and catching up. Turns out she got into the same kind of relationship again, but this time, she was in my position, and she said she realized how I had felt once our relationship started to sink because of jealousy and apologized. She had really mellowed out and matured some. We both had. But it turns out she was dating one of my friends I had know since 1st or 2nd grade (I'm 19 now and have since graduated). Well I invite her an another one of my friends (who is also friends with her boyfriend) to stay the night so we can catch up some more and hang out. We end up sleeping in the same bed, while our friend sleeps on my couch, and we end up having sex. It turns out, we had never really gotten over each other, and still had feelings for one another.
It turns out that before we went home that night, her boyfriend tried to have sex with another girl. They almost did, but I believe it was a lack of protection was all that stopped them.
Now, understanding that I share blame in this, and it was morally wrong, but does the fact that he had every intention to cheat on her first make what we did any less bad? I'm not sure where to go from here. She's coming over to stay again, and I know what's going to happen, but I would like to try and pursue a relationship with her a second time. She's been through a lot, and I think she deserves a second chance, plus we never got over each other. But I don't what the right thing to do would be. Any help guys?
2 Name: Chrome !CgbeICNblQ : 2012-06-23 00:43 ID:GPstzcKB [Del]
It didn't work the first time so your chances of success a second time drop...they drop pretty low. Sooooo taking a second chance is pretty much asking for problems. The sad truth about things is that people never change, not completely anyway.
My advice to you, quit.
3 Name: Crisis !JjfHYEcdHQ : 2012-06-23 01:00 ID:bTDBGDdo [Del]
>>2 I'm not saying she's completely changed, just that she isn't super controlling anymore, which is why we broke up.
4 Name: Chrome !CgbeICNblQ : 2012-06-23 01:28 ID:GPstzcKB [Del]
>>3 She
seems like she isn't super controlling anymore.
I bet you after the whole 'repressed feelings for each other' stage wears off it will be back to the same thing as it was before.
5 Name: Crisis !JjfHYEcdHQ : 2012-06-23 02:35 ID:bTDBGDdo [Del]
>>4 Actually, that was based off from how she treats her current boyfriend, not me.
6 Name: Chrome !CgbeICNblQ : 2012-06-23 03:15 ID:31yRsQqw [Del]
Then take your chances, bro. I put my two cents in, do with it what you will.
7 Name: Kendar !Zn04oeqocY : 2012-06-23 09:11 ID:0b8FgadY [Del]
I know how you are feeling, i had kinda the same situation ( she never had a boyfriend after me ) so i was trying really hard to get her back ( we didnt had problems and we broke up cause she felt like it ) after 6 months i made it and we are back together now. My advice for you is simple, people cant change, she is the same girl you used to know. People will warn you that you are about to do a big mistake or she doesnt even worth it, BUT you are the one who knows if it worths or not, do what you want to do and don't ever regret it. That's all, best of luck
8 Name: Luxis : 2012-06-23 09:21 ID:BFU+Zyra [Del]
So..she still has a boyfriend?
9 Name: Crisis !JjfHYEcdHQ : 2012-06-23 09:45 ID:bTDBGDdo [Del]
>>6 Much appreciated. (That's not sarcasm, just in case it sounded like it)
>>8 Yes.
10 Name: Bea-Bea : 2012-06-23 10:56 ID:ayTMVuEd [Del]
I was in a similiar situation (until the moment of breaking up). I was the jealous girl and he was the one who chose his friends. But in my situation I was right, he was cheating on me and flirting with his female friends all the time. He barely visited me, he used to tell me he is studying but he was actually out on a party etc.
well... if you still love her and she feels something for you... her relationship will not last long, face it. you are a better match for her than that guy who is cheating on her...
you should also try to think about the reasons of her behavior from that time when you were together. maybe you gave her a reason to be jealous? most of us girls are jealous when we care deeply for someone...
life surely gave her a lesson already. years have passed and she has changed... you too... give it a try.
good luck!
11 Name: BarabiSama!!C8QPa1Mt : 2012-06-23 12:00 ID:JjtgsZ8Y [Del]
Feel free to disregard my advice since I haven't been in a situation very close to this, and the situations I have been in probably aren't going to be taken seriously considering my age. Still, I'd appreciate it if you could read through what I have to say.
First thing is first - you are not her current boyfriend. Even though she says this is how she is treated, and even though she says she has changed, there is no way you can know how she really treats her boyfriend or how he treats her. You are not a part of their relationship. There is too much room for bias in her statements to really be able to trust what she says about him and herself.
Second, if she is so easily willing to cheat on her current boyfriend with you, how do you know she isn't going to cheat on you once you get back together? The fact that her boyfriend was going to cheat at the same time doesn't change anything. You're in the wrong for (what it seems to me from what you wrote, at least) leading her on, but it was wrong for her to agree to it. Once you're quick to cheat, it's hard to stop. It's not a matter of her loving you more from what I can see, and if it is, does that mean the second she feels a flying fancy for someone else that she'll cheat? I know it's off topic a bit, but it's something you should also think about.
From my own experiences with a controlling boyfriend, I can tell you that people rarely change. We got back together twice after the first break up. For the first couple weeks both times, he seemed better, nicer. However, after that, he immediately flipped the switch and went back to how it used to be.
Sometimes, you just have to say no. Even if the sex is great, and even if you think you haven't gotten over each other, there are bigger things to think about if you're interested in something long term. I don't think you two are going to be able to have a healthy relationship in this situation. If you just want to date a bit shallow for a while to see how you can deal with each other, then that's fine, but going right into another more in-depth relationship after all that won't be good for either of you, in my opinion.
12 Name: Crisis !JjfHYEcdHQ : 2012-06-23 12:29 ID:bTDBGDdo [Del]
>>11 1. She never said anything about herself changing. And it'd be stupid to think she's completely changed, it just seems like she's grown up a little bit. And my view of their relationship comes from hanging out with them every night for the past week.
2. That's actually one of the things I've been really concerned about.
3.I am interested in something long-term, but if we end up trying again, then we're starting over from black 1. I'm not going to say we can pick up where we left off. If she shows to be controlling again, then I'll tell her. If she doesn't cut that shit out, we're done, period.
13 Name: Crisis !JjfHYEcdHQ : 2012-06-23 12:29 ID:bTDBGDdo [Del]
>>12 This is all if she dumps her boyfriend and we go out again of course.
14 Name: Mayu : 2012-06-23 13:47 ID:rdYHMR6C [Del]
>>12 you cant really get a good look at there relationship in just a weeks time. Like BarabiSama you can disregard my advice but my friend went through something like that he was inlove with this girl he found out she was cheating and they broke up he tried to kill himself and then they got back together and the had sex and they broke up. they always agrued infront of us and then like always they would go to her room and have sex. you should stay at a distance from her and dont get to close to her to get hurt ,and after some time after you see if she isnt going to cheat or do other stuff behind your back then go for it.
15 Name: Crisis !JjfHYEcdHQ : 2012-06-23 18:20 ID:bTDBGDdo [Del]
>>14 They've only been going out for a couple weeks. I'm seriously doubting dating her again.
16 Name: Karloz : 2012-06-23 19:02 ID:1uMZiLxT [Del]
DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA
17 Name: vampcake : 2012-06-23 19:43 ID:LlknrpQ7 [Del]
i say why not try again? maybe a second time is the charm? :) i hope it all works out :D
18 Name: Crisis !JjfHYEcdHQ : 2012-06-23 20:11 ID:bTDBGDdo [Del]
>>16 Actually, this isn't drama. Nobody is making a big fuss about anything, I just don't know what to do so I decided to get some third party opinions.
19 Name: Ryu Kente : 2012-06-24 01:42 ID:FZdESCKe [Del]
Honestly, if you love her go after her. If she loves you back it should work out. All relationships have troubles, but if she is the "one" things will work themselves out. Well, if you choose to take my advice is up to you, but if it was me i would give her a second chance.~
20 Name: Crisis !JjfHYEcdHQ : 2012-06-24 15:15 ID:bTDBGDdo [Del]
So we were at a party last night (I wasn't drinking. I had volunteered to be a designated driver). I spent the whole time spending time with her and trying to make sure she was alright since she was drunk. Her boyfriend, also drunk, tried to act holier-than-thou, yelling at everyone, and even yelled at her to shut the fuck up. It took everyone else at the party to keep me from beating the living shit out of this guy. But I doubt they'll be dating long. And due to uncontrollable feelings, I believe we'll date again.
