I know it's already summertime and this is the time to kick back and be lazy, but for the first time in a long while, I actually got in touch with one of my irl friends this summer, she and I have been friends for 4 years but this is the first time this school year I've opened up to her that I was suicidal and depressed, for 5 years actually. Since I've gotten more in depth of that, 2 days ago actually, she has gotten a bit more determined, dedicated, and loyal to me; she told me she'd do anything for me, she didn't like seeing me like this, that she was scared I was going to finally break and actually commit something tragic. At first I was happy, happy that someone has finally acknowledged me, she has been like a little sister to me all year and it just made me glad to have her around. Then, last night she mentioned this guy she has had a crush on and has been sort of semi-dating for awhile now (which I find utterly stupid... I mean shouldn't they be dating rather than just plain flirting all the time and not calling it a relationship?), I suddenly got depressed again after 2 weeks of actually being quite happy... I never liked the guy because he took her away from me, I feel like he's the only one that actually makes her truly happy. Am I selfish that I want him out of her life...?

Yes, that is a selfish ideal. Be grateful that she's helping you, and try to help her back anyway you can. Invite her places to have fun. Show her that you care for her just as much as she cares for you. Don't try to change her personal life to fit your preference when she's already doing so much for you.

>>2 This.

>>2 That is way to freaking harsh

>>1 Sweetie, it's a phase most close friends go threw. I kinda got the same way when my bff got her boyfriend and moved in with him. She suddenly didn't have as much time for me and I felt like she needed him more then me. It's not true. She loves you just as much! Sure, they're going to go threw a month maybe two of being all lovey dovey. But after that it'll calm down. And she'll always be there for you. It's kinda like when you get a new pet. You don't love any of your pet any less then you did before, but you do spend a bit more time with the new one for a few weeks. But sooner then you think, they fit in with all your other pets and everyone is happy again.

>>4 You're a fucking idiot.

>>2 Was not harsh. It was reality.

OP,

"I never liked the guy because he took her away from me, I feel like he's the only one that actually makes her truly happy."

So, you feel like he is the only one who makes her happy, yet you still want him out of the picture so you can be with her?

You don't care about her at all.
Yes, you are selfish.

>>5 in a way your right but still it was harsh. chromes right though no matter how terribly mean he was at putting it. you should be happy that shes happy i have the same situation with my ex-girlfriend she dumped me for some guy just because unlike me he was in her religion. you can imagine how pissed i was. still im happy for her she found someone that makes her happy and as long as shes happy it doesnt matter if im single. thats how it should be, shit happens best thing you can do is move on

>>4 This is not at all bad advice.

>>2>>5 Okay, so I've got a hunch that because I'm not a super-regular member here you're pretty much gonna dismiss/argue with what I'm gonna say. I've accepted that, after a good couple months here at the BBS. So go ahead and bite my head off for this.

You guys can be really cruel for no goddamned reason.

It's not called the "realism board for only realistic people", it's the personal board, so just try to be a little more pleasant. Just a little bit.

I'm not trying to say you can't be realistic. Realism is good when the person needs to be shocked back to their senses, but for this person, that doesn't really seem to be the case... A little bit of sensitivity is required sometimes.

Yeah, she did ask if she was being selfish, but it seemed to be like more of a rhetorical question, not necessarily a yes-or-no question. I mean... This person just said outright that they are suicidal, the least you could do is not say "yeah, you're a totally bad person bro" all casual and shit.

...And that's what I think.

/endrant

If this guy treats her good than you should be happy for her. I had once helped a girl through a very bad time in her life. She was hurting her self and in the verge of killing herself. I helped her, encouraged her to keep on living, and was always there for her. I fell in love with her eventually because she was such a beautiful person. Then she told me about a guy she meet and fell in love with him; and they were even getting ready to marry. I felt so much joy in my heart that she found someone to make her as happy as she is; I had no regrets.
Though you may not be happy you can still be happy for her and happy about the time you spent with her; don't ever think it was all invain. She helped you though tough times so now it's your responsibility to she that she is also happy. OR it's now the time to tell her how you feel; maby the last chance you get. Ether way it's going to be a happy ending. Don't get down about things because it's pointless your only doing bad to yourself. Your a better and stronger person to be defeated so easily you should know that yourself.

>>8 I agree. Ive never had a situation like that before where a friends or someone close to me told me how depressed they were and rika dont worry youll find happyness with some one someday soon.

>>7 I don't agree with that. Being a happy little muffin about everything and going, "Oh, that's not bad at all!" "Oh, you're a great person!" won't help anybody ot anything. It will just boost their egos and make them think they're great people even if they're not. "You should maybe kind of do [insert something here], but I just don't know I kind of think maybe you should do it." Beating around the bush when you give advice won't help.

Also, I don't believe in stopping a suicidal person. If they're so weak that they can't handle reality, go ahead - jump. It doesn't change my life. I'm here to help tell people the truth and what the best course of action, in my opinion, is in the situations they present.

Being blunt doesn't always work, and I acknowledge that. However, I don't know these people offline and can't judge that. People post things here so everybody can give their input and say all their different suggestions. Mine doesn't have to be taken into consideration at all. It's one of however many are given here, and I have every right to say it as I like.

>>10 or*

>>10 Pretty much all of this.

Thank you everyone for your inputs. I've been reading through the conversations and even though some of them were very blunt, yes, I can be selfish, but to answer some, thanks for saying I'm selfish, guess I have to give myself a self-reflection again. But I do care for my friend, I want her to be happy, but these kinds of thoughts lead me to have my own selfish ideals, I'm human aren't I?

>>13 Yes you are.
We are all selfish.
I wasn't passing judgement, just answering your question.

You should probably just let it go though...if not for her than for yourself.

I should work on that then.
Thanks for being honest.

I feel the same for the girl i am in love with, we are not that much of a boyfriend/girlfriend, we are way more than that since we have been through a LOT of shitty situations, still i was always by her side... there are many people that i think they want to take her away from me, i am scared but i know that she think the same about me, it's not a world for 2 people, we are not meant to belong to 1 person only. we must meet new people in order to realise how great that one person by our side is. If you have a problem about realizing it and you love anime or mangas then feel free to take a look at one anime called "Nana", its exactly what are you explaining. Sorry for the kinda late responce and i will be glad if we made you feel better.
Cheer up and best of luck

you shoulden't be depressed that your friend is happy. She thinks she has found someone, and even if you disagree it is her life. And didn't she say she would so anything for you?? She must be happy with you too if she wasn't then why would she stay with you? A boyfriend cant really replace a best friend either. So stop being depressed. Your not going to gang anything from being this way. I hope you make the right decision. Good luck.