Looking in from the outside, my family must seem perfect. I'm an A-B highschool student. My brother is the typical lazy college student. My dad has a pretty good job and my mom subs for the school. But nothing is perfect.

To my mother, everything my brother does is wrong, and she's trying to convince me of that too. They fight all the time and I'm always caught in the middle. I see both sides and can't take either. My dad just sits there and does nothing to stop it.

I feel like I'm being torn apart. Talking over my feelings with them isn't really an option. My dad knows exactly what's wrong but expects us to fix it on our own. My mom will keep pushing me until she has the answer she wants. I've tried time and time again with my brother and he just can't see how much it hurts. I just end up shutting down around them.

Something needs to give, but I don't know what.

What exactly are you trying to achieve with this thread?

Is it a thread for advice on what to do regarding this issue, or are you just venting?

Do you want to know if anybody else has this problem, etc. Please be specific ._.

I need some advice. I'm at a loss of what to do with my family any more.

It really sounds like an average family to me, man. Give it a few years; wait until you have moved out of the house as well. I promise you with no kids in the house things will change drastically.

>>4 No, this is my mom constantly screaming at everyone. She'll put on a good face for the world and then turn on us as soon as we get home. She has tried on numerous occasions to use me against my brother. Right now I'm just a prize to be won by either side in this damn fight. That is not normal.

I... Well, I'm in about the exact same situation as you, with the exception of your dad not being involved. So I'll try to give you a few helpful suggestions.

The advice here that I'm suggesting to you might not work: it's different for every case. But first and foremost: keep cool and do not lose your temper. Be the rational person in the family, even if it's really hard at times. Try to do anything that will distract you from the situation if you sense that you are about to explode or something. You don't seem like the person to, but just in case. Also, don't keep your feelings bottled up (which, I know you aren't seeing as how you posted this, but again, just in case.)

- Get your dad involved. Now. Whether he is reluctant to or he doesn't seem to care, in the grand scheme of things this could escalate to something much, much worse. Your dad may most likely be able to help the situation go on a better path. He needs to see that this is really important for everyone, and that it's affecting everyone. The arguments may be seriously affecting your, your brother's and her mental health. Make your dad understand that it is important and that it can cause some irreparable damages.

- Your mom is going over the limit. Understand this: she has no right to involve another person if that person does not want to be involved, that person meaning you. You're doing a good job keeping neutral. Hopefully your mom will see that she cannot get you to answer her "yes" every time. Don't agree to what she says if you know that it will cause further harm or if you don't agree. Be the mature one.

Well, I'll try to give some more advice tomorrow, because right now it's about midnight where I'm at and I need sleep. Just some questions: what are you mom and your brother like?

>>6 I suppose they're natural opposites. My mom is a control freak who must have everything to her liking. She volunteers for everything and then complains about it. She got a job subbing for the schools when we don't need the money (my dad gets retirement from the army plus a pay check for his current job). She stretches herself too thin and she knows it.

My brother is an underachiever. I know he has a brain in there somewhere but he doesn't always use it. He doesn't really care about much and often it seems like he isn't getting anything done. I know he does do some work around the house, but often it just isn't noticed. Everything about him makes my mom hate him; from him being lazy to him being atheist and he doesn't do anything to change her mind.

>>7 Oh gosh, I totally get you. I'm in the same situation, not in the middle of it though, just watching from the borders...My mom is a control freak too, she likes to micromanage and then get angry about being stressed because we make her stressed.....wut.

There was a time when the two didn't get along, they fought a lot. -obviously- But you know what? I figured, everything is a phase.

So, my two dollahs to you are:

1. Inform your mother that you are NOT your brother, you have your own ambitions you strive to achieve. Take her advice on college, and learning, and educational, life lessons and stuff, don't cut her words off completely. Just make sure you are able to tell her what you feel. If she doesn't listen, then leave her be. Sometimes it takes repetition to learn something. Anyways, maybe setting some conversation limits with her? Things like no interruption, no raised voices. If those are crossed, a warning by a mediator (ure dad?), if crossed again then the conversation is over. Things like that.

Also, those conversation limits might help with your mom and brother's relationship as well. Or you could just wait it out. At some point in time, one of them will have to sacrifice something. Your job right now is to keep to your studies, keep your grades up (youre doin a fantabulous job btw) and look at the good things in life. Things such as your mom volunteering when you don't need the money. She obviously wants to DO something, so either let her sub or introduce her to a new hobby. That or she wants to be closer to you >_> *shudder*

Being grateful and keeping a good attitude helps lots. Eat those happy foods that make you happy. Not the fatty ones, the healthy happy ones like fruits. :D They actually do help you be happier.

Yeah. thats all i can think of right now. Hope your family gets a grip of the true meaning of relationships, all families should have it. Maybe you just need to take your family to the next level? Or....maybe you all need to undergo a family challenge that would reunite each other? Oh wait, I'm just randomly typing. Wutevs. see you laturrr o/

I used to be on the your brother's end a lot of the time, now my younger brother is more on that end and I'm just doing my work. But anyway, whenever they try to get you involved in their arguments, just tell them that it really isn't your business, and just separate yourself from the entire situation. Do exactly what your dad does; sit on the couch and read a book, watch TV, video games, whatever it is, just make sure the point gets through that you really don't want to be involved in it.

Also, like in >>8 encourage family activities; go paint-balling, if not that, maybe all read the same book? My entire family took turns reading books like the Hunger Games, Divergent, Harry Potter, etc, and then we talked about it with whoever finished the book first; kinda like a family book club. Also, it's summer, go on a car trip or something somewhere and that'll force your mother and brother to bond.

Good Luck!

No offense, but your mother obviously doesn't agree with your brother and is trying to turn u against him (but u knew that). Anyways, the only advice I can give u is to be strong and dont take a side. They'll have to stop eventually.