I have this problem that started around 5 years ago. I lost it all. All of my friends and all of the trust. I was one of those kids that ran around completely confident in everything she did. I was amazing, even if it sounds like that's bragging ;P
Anyways, something horrible happened and I died.
I locked myself up in my head because I was just so afraid that someone would hurt me again.

It's been 5 years, like I said, and I want to be that person I was again. Now, it's become a habit for me to be quiet and to let people walk all over me basically. I freeze up when I try to be who I was, my "true self". My body shakes and I feel so unstable, I feel lost.

If any of you can help... Please do. It's not something that can be solved overnight, but, I have to try.

OMIGAHHHH GURRR :O

Actually I went through that exact thing, sad, but it happens. Life is like that. I can't tell you how to be who you believed you 'truly' were those 5 years back, but I can tell you this. I was just like you, confident, loud, and proud to be. But then you throw in this rotten incidence, and you seem to falter, amirite? It always happens. I held worst grudges than I ever could, holding on to every single word, and finding the bad in every single thing.

Truth is, you can never be who you were. You can only be you. The REAL you acted the way it did when that certain 'horrible' thing occured. The REAL you ended up being the you that you are right now. Does that make sense? Every person turns out different. It's like that one story/fable/analogy of the carrot, egg, and the coffee bean.

You put each of them in a pot of boiling water. The carrot comes out soft and beaten, the egg comes out the same but hardened in the inside, but the bean remains the same and instead changes the water. Who are you? Each one went through the same circumstance, but each one came out differently. The carrot was hurt in the inside and outside, the egg was the same on the outside but was never truly the same in the inside, and the bean was the same but changed the occuring event.

There really is no 'returning' to your 'true self'. You ARE your true self. The things you CAN do? Improve. I know it feels kind of impossible to 'improve', but it isn't. It's building your self confidence over again, so you can be stronger than ever.

I've felt that over the years, holding stupid grudges tended to make me believe in things that i wished happened, but really didn't happen that way. It made me exaggerate my pains, and amplified my depression and anger towards others. Don't hold on to anything, if you are. Let it go. How? Apologize? I think so. If you're feeling like the situation you are in (at any time) is about to get worst and out of hand and to a place where you do not want it to go, apologize. It takes humility and wisdom in doing so. Yeah, it may hurt your pride, but it won't hurt as much as it would if you let it go further.

Connecting with your innerself? I....have no idea what that means, but maybe I've been doing it for the past few years. Go outside, take a break. Think about yourself. Don't go into the busy street or sit in your crowded neighborhood. Find a place with nature, creation. Find a place where the birds rest, and the trees grow. I find it quite stimulating and comforting to just sit there, and talk. About what? Beats me. Talk about whatever you feel like.

I have a feeling I'm lost. I should stop listening to this song....awkwardness. Well, if I'm giving you the wrong advice, I'm sorry. It's just....so catchy.

Kaori, thank you so much. Actually, it made a lot of sense and you didn't lose me. Do you know where I should start? You said you'd been through it yourself...
Oh, what song? I love music :]

lawl. moosic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EfhAFA2yFE

actually, I stopped with the crap and grudge holding and hate before I started highschool. I decided that after 4 years of holding a grudge, getting into fights and such, I'd just start over. I wrote an apology letter to the person who hurt me, even though I really felt (and maybe it really was) it was her fault, I still wrote one, telling her that I was ALSO in the wrong. You don't have to take accountability for everything, just inform the person that hurt you that you're sorry, the way you felt, and that you'd like to start over and such. I know it sounds so cliche and crap, but hey...

it certainly helped. She told me she was sorry too, and it most definitely made me feel ten hundred times better. Taking responsibility for your actions and starting off with humility, it's not just helping you improve yourself, but learning how to be not only a great, but efficient leader. 8D hope u git somewhur with all dat.

>>4 Is that song just repeating the same thing over and over for an hour?

So...I've been there myself, and this is a piece of wisdom I've learned from the years I've been on this mud ball...
Who you were, was a stone on the path to who you are, which is just another stone to who you will be. You will keep changing, reinventing and renewing who and what you are.
You can't be the person you were before, but you can become someone who is similar, but tempered with wisdom, I know the damage a bad incident can have, and the way it can stretch out seemingly in all directions but never give up or give in.
You can find your happiness and joy again, just you might have to fight tooth and nail for it.

^

JOIN THE DARKNESS! ALL YOU'RE PROBLEMS WILL BE FIXED!