Okay, now, before I get started, this isn't one of those "why the hell do women always go for the bad boy douche bags and not the nice guys" threads(though I guess one could interpret it that way). And in no way do I have any hang-ups about homosexual people in any way, shape, or form.

I have a bit of an issue regarding how women see me compared with the societal norm. Now, what does this entail.... well... they think I'm gay.

It's hard to explain, kind of, but nine times out of ten, the all-around amazing girl I'm talking with will openly ask me if I'm gay.

I don't quite get it. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not that I have any sort of trouble talking with women(hell, I find it easier than talking with other men), but something about the way I talk with them throws up the "He's Gay!" signal.

The way I treat women is largely considered to be a dead ideal; namely, I treat a woman as she is to be treated: like a lady. I adopt a polite tone(usually won't do inappropriate jokes until she cracks a few herself), I make sure to keep a healthy level of eye contact, I keep myself at a casual distance, and I remain respectful throughout the entire encounter.

Some would call these actions dated, ancient, or unnecessary, but I would call them chivalrous(among other actions I take to doing such as holding doors open and such). But, these days, I've come to the conclusion that chivalry isn't dead, it just makes you gay.

The way I dress shouldn't throw up any flags either, or the way I present myself in public. I'm what people would consider to be of the "normal" category. You know, lots of jeans and t-shirts.

What could I do to make myself a little less... well, for lack of a better word, flamboyant? This is sort of a pressing concern of mine, because I've had problems with this in the past. More than once I've grown interested in a girl, only to find out she thinks I'm of the opposite persuasion, and in no way shares the same feelings as I do.

Any suggestions?

I really think you should keep treating a lady like that but you should also trying to keep a deep voice like the other guys around you. maybe its your clothes? dont wear skinny jeans or pink. wow this really is an intresting problem...

I have kinda the same problem. In fact I had asked one of my friends why most of my female friends call me their "sassy gay friend".

H=Her
S=Sieg

H: Well you helped me get my confedence up about this, thanks for being my sassy gay friend

S: Really -_-

H: Yes :0 Get over it

S: Why do all my female friends call me that?

H: Well if your not then even though your streight your the best we've got.

S: Explain?

H Well, your not a dick, you listen, you answer, you're blunt a lot of the time I suspect most of your female friends don't have a lot of guy friends who do that or many at all. and your easy to talk to eh? It is what it is.

In short I am guessing if its anything like my situation its the fact that we are nice that causes it. *shrug* Just how she explained it to me.

>>3 Hahaha Sassy Gay Friend! I love that..
ANYWAYS BACK TO YOUR PROBLEM.
My friends and I always tease this guy saying he's gay (always in a joking manner)
My advice to you: Don't ever say anything gay. (i.e. up my butthole!) Don't hang around girls as much. And finally, don't wear really tight clothes. It's just not right.

You're hanging around women too much.

Wow. I can't say I know how you feel cuz I'm a girl and I don't have any friends who fit in this category but I say continue with being yourself. I don't get why other girls simply assume a guy is gay because he's not hitting on them, that's a sign of a coincided person right? Forget them, I know there are other girls out there like me who don't judge so keep going with how you are X3

I don't know if you should change your look though, it's up to you. Would you rather change for all the people who Judge you for being you, or wil you stay the same for that one person who will one day come along and understand what an amazing guy all the others passed up on ( their mistake) X3

In this day and age, it's impossible to be the nice guy. There aren't anymore gentleman anymore, you need to let go of the good moral. I'm not saying become an asshole to women. My female friend told me that if a guy likes someone, he needs guts. If you dress in a way that is a little to flashy for a man, try a different style. Of course clothes are easy to fix, try watching manly shows and sports. If you have guy friends, chill with them, play some MVC3, study the average guy of today(caution: anyone that looks or acts like a jock is not a good example) Jocks just naturally get women's attention, with their looks, body, and athletic abilities. If you want, try working out, it'll give you a boost. This is a note and no offense to any future women who read this post, but dude, they are just as perverted as us guys, it's true, trust me. Some girls enjoy a dirty joke every now and then(don't over-do it). Also if you have restrictions in your head where you tell yourself not to stare at women even if they know or not, get out of that habit. She wants you to look, deep down she wants you to just take a second of your time to stare at her(don't over-do it). Women love a compliment or two, try that(make it sound like your trying to hit on her)
EX:
"Rebecca you look good today" that's it, done, no more
If you like a girl, become assertive, and stay confident. A good way to stay confident in front of the girl you like is to boast and tell yourself that she totally wants you and that you are too good for her. Conceit and confidence are pretty much the same in most cases. Best of luck, hope I helped in some way shape or form. Please don't get the wrong impression of me, it's just, I've been in your shoes before.

dood, nawt gonna read that ^

but...

I think you're doing quite fine. The fact is that society nowadays is -corrupt- and happen to think that chivalry is being gay. No. Being gay is completely differnt. I feel you bro. I have....mistaken quite some people....for being other than straight. Maybe you should get a 'Im not gay' shirt. :A idk, i think this nail polish is getin to muh head

OH I KNOW. You should talk to Mael. he gets mistaken for being gay a lot. :w but by guys.

My best guy friend has the same issue. And if not that, people mistake us for dating. And actually, I would date him if he ever asked me to a date ;P Don't get down, you'll find a woman who'll respect your values and know you're not gay.

>>9 It doesn't help that he works at a gay bar.

Well, I think he does at least.

People these days. Mostly to Americans who are igorant. That sickens me. Just tell them to back off.

>>4 Glad It made your day haha, should make someone happy anyhow.

Maybe I am looking at this the wrong way though. All things considered I get away with more flirting with them then "their type" do. And honestly to me flirting has always been more fun than sex and such. Maybe I should just be happy where I am and only make a move if it feels right at the time.

Eh I'm rambling and its not even my thread XD. Sorry bout that.

>>12 Don't judge anyone as being ignorant because of their race. That's ignorance in it of itself.

Just cause your a nice guy doesn't mean you're gay...unless of course you like men, but that's not exactly what i'm getting from this thread. I personally don't think you're gay. You're just a nice guy is all, and i honestly wish more guys were like you.

Bro, nice guys get the worst from girls which is kinda ironic. Girls are always saying they want a nice guy but when they do know a gentlemen they don't like them. I should know I see it all the time.
But my advice is stay the way you are. Some ladies are missing out but that's fine. You'll eventually find that one lady who really appreciates your chivalrous acts. Don't worry there are still ladies out there looking for that. :)

I really think you should keep doing what you're doing. I don't think it's right for you to change just because of other people's misinterpreting (is that a word?). Plus. I really think you seem like a nice and cute guy and anyone would be lucky to be either your friend or girlfriend. Have more confidence in yourself!! You don't have to change as long as YOU are happy with yourself. Continue to be a nice guy 'cause I know there will (and most probably is) someone who walues it!!
Plus. If I knew you I would probably fall for you even if I thought you were gay. Maybe more then since I allways seem to fall for the wrong person -.-'
Anyway! Just keep being who you are 'cause you deserve to have someone like you for who you are!!!

It's simple, Feral, the majority of girls have their heads up their asses as to what they think they want in men. I've tried to talk many a girl out of relationships in the past, when they broke up with the guy they wondered what the hell they were thinking. You just need to find a girl who actually knows what she wants. Personally, I think you'd be a great boyfriend. Now, if you want to move out to VA...

I don't consider the way you act ideal :V "Chivalry" is nice every now and again, and it's important to be respectful, but I think you need to chill a little. From your first post, you sound respectful to the point where you're almost stuck up. Just... chill. I don't think I would be comfortable going out with a guy who can't take charge enough to make the first sex joke, either. Take the initiative and be a little more fun up front.

>>8 "I'm not gay" shirt... hmmm...

>>18 0.0 Uh... 0///0

>>19 I see. I don't mean to come off as snobbish, and perhaps I could have elaborated a little more on the "being comfortable around women" bit. Being a little more assertive, though... that might be the ticket. I'm a bit of a shy guy; introvert in almost every way. Think I'll give it a shot.

I don't get this at all.
People think I am gay but it's hardly a deterrent to women.
I doubt it has anything to do with them thinking you are gay.

Like Barabi said, chivalry is nice once in awhile but you can't be afraid to loosen up a bit.

Try this joke on all the bodacious babes:
"Ay girl, did you hear about that cat who ate a whole ball of yarn? She had mittens."

After you crack that bad boy give them a smirk and you're in it to win it.

>>21 Ok so just for funzies I tried that joke. A transcript of the conversation

M: Did you hear about the cat who ate a whole ball of yarn?
H: Uh no?
M: It had mittens
H: Huh... I was going to say it pooped a shitload of string... Plus once it tried to leave the letterbox you would end up with stains all over your carpet and furniture worst of all poop covered yarn would not be fun to untangle from the furniture as cats tend to zig zag through areas. I should stop now.

Me thinks it could use some work.

>>22 Obviously you do not posses the same swagger that I do...

I just loled through those comments, clearly that doesnt work. and i no where your coming from Feral except for the gay part that stopped around the time the rumor spread that i had sex with some chick when i was 10, soooooooooo i dont no that feeling but yeah being chivilrious does have a downside but you could always try spreading your own rumor like that

Im sort of like you. its easier to talk to guys for me (im a girl), but ppl always think im flirting with them cuz im much to casual with them. (pretty much opposite of yours). For your case, I think you should relax a bit and be more casual around girls. Being too polite is sometimes too much, but being too casual can be too much too, so just be inbetween.

one thing i can tell you is: who gives a fuck what others think of you, if your one ofe the only polite guys so be it! if you respect your lovers okay then! i understand how you feel im 15 in high school and have white hair and have 1 big braid in it, i also where white eye contacts and every girl i talk to says "are you gay?" and omg i feel the same damn way, exept i dont have my eyes on a girl right now, ive got mine on a cute guy~ <3 (im bi)

Just be yourself! Who gives a fuck about what others think. The right girl for you will be the one who accepts who you are. Cliche but true.

I have the same problem and I'm not even that polite. I think it's something about appearances, but I'm no expert.
Though, I also notice that many men now adays are all over woman from the moment they make eye contact. It could simply be that you're not acting enough like a "man". Pretty bad reason in my opinion though, but I have the same problem... I know that feel.

Don't girl usually suspect that perfect guys must be gay? Take it as a compliment XD
I'm not sure really though, I'm a girl and I have a few guy friends who dress in skinny jeans and stuff but I don't think they're gay 😜

My blue hair may not help me any.

Being a nice guy in our society is hard, but achieveable. I hang around girls a lot, and they like the fact that I listen to them and such. But no-one has ever even thought of calling me gay. From what I understand, I pull this conclusion: It's either your looks, or your persona. If it's your looks (i.e. Pink/tight clothes,...), go to a shop and buy other clothes. Clothes that don't really stand out are the way to go if you're having this problem. You'll have to bear with it until people stop calling you gay, then change back to your favorite attire. If it's your persona, then you can try to be a bit calmer, I would even go as far as to say you should have the "uninterested" feel about you. That means you shouldn't act all happy if you're around those guys/girls. Just talk in a calm, serene way, with a slight tinge of "i don't care" in your voice. That way they will understand that you're thinking about different things. Keep your voice calm, and, if possible, deep. Guess that's all I can say about this. Hope it helps anyone.

Join the club man, I sort of know how you feel. I respect women and they assume I'm bi.

bump cause I want Feral to respond.

listen man. I think it's awesome that your respectful to girls. Dont change yourself just because it seems gay to some people. It only reinforces the already powerful stereotypes that define our society. Just make it perfectly clear that you're straight, but not by changing. Just tell them. If they dont believe you, that's their problem.

Hmm... Since I'm a girl, I can't really understand what you're going through. BUT, I think you don't need to change a whole lot about yourself to let the girls know you're not gay. Just be yourself and act from what you do naturally. Yeah, I think it's nice that there are still guys like you around, I mean what I've seen in guys these days, they obviously don't know class. ^_~

"I'm a bit of a shy guy; introvert in almost every way. "
-All my confusion.

Anywho, Try being more social around other guys. Play some sports, talk about games, ext. Basically try coming off as more masculine.
Then again, that probably won't work, since you lift so damn much. Eh, I'm lost. I'm pretty introverted myself, but have never been asked by a girl if I'm gay.

*implying I've been asked by guys, which is a story for another time*
Too many awkward feels there....

the mascelenity thing doesn't work i tryed it just made people think im wird and i felt weid, just be yourself those gils seem to be weid and its rude to ask someone if there gay so abruptly.

u might hav to kno that boys and girls r different they talk different if ask me usually i'll say that it pretty weird for boys to come and talks with girls probally you talk about something that they think ur gay.

I believe that is called being metrosexual xD i have a friend just like you that has embraced it, but i think its simply how you carry yourself. And possibly how you speak, since being around women too much can influence how you speak sometimes. That all the advice i can really offer about this, sorry ^^"

>>39 Time stamps buddy, time stamps. This thread is older than old and Feral hardly even comes around here anymore. I'll pass on your advice for him though. In the future look at how old a thread is before you post on it if it has to do with something specific.

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How has this not been deleted yet? I think I've solved this problem, so if this can be saged and deleted from the face of existence I would greatly appreciate it.