First off, a little history. I'm eighteen now, and back in November I got out of a three year-and-then-some relationship that was pretty serious. We were even engaged. In the end we realized it wasn't healthy. She was taking me away from some of my best friends and I was being borderline controlling. Not to mention the fact that we were both still immature.

So, fast forward. I'm crushing on a friend of mine I met relatively recently, I've known her for a few months. SHe's seventeen and in what appears to me as a parallel of that relationship. She's engaged and from what I've seen he's controlling her and taking her away from us, her friends. In addition she's not even the same person as she would be by herself. And seeing this. Seeing just how miserable she seemed even though she claimed to be absolutely madly in love upset me.

Add on to that the fact that her fiancee is the type of guy who runs his mouth but won't back it up, is entirely immature, and overly jealous. When she hugged me the last time I saw he, he stared at me like I was hitting on her. And the kicker of it all? He's a fugitive as it stands.


I guess what I'm saying here is if I get the chance, should I sit down and try to talk some sense into her? Disregarding the crush altogether she still is very important to me. Aside from that, I don't want to see her make the mistakes I almost did, if that makes sense. So, I'm kinda torn whether as to ride it out or do what I can to help.

As an additional question, have any of you had a situation where you see so much of your old self in someone that it upsets you?

AHAHAHHAA. Okay, excuse my inconveniant lafter, it's completely irrelevant.

The thing is, Pandymint, your crush is so called 'in love'. I wouldn't talk her out of anything. But I WOULD tell her what I believe. So in fact, do TELL her that okay? Tell her how YOU feel. Don't tell her that she's doing something wrong. Tell her how you believe that you've been in her situation.
You want to try to tell her what you feel without straying her or swaying her from anything. I know it's hard to, but still.

My thoughts are that she's 17. She's too young to be engaged. You shouldn't be messing with her nontheless. She's engaged. Unless you want to commit adultery and have an affair with her. Of course her boyfriend/fiance would give you looks, i'm sure he's got a possessive personality, as do you. So of course you two would clash along the way. It's like conducting a science experiment. You want to have as little contamination as possible. Don't contaminate her thoughts or sway her belief in her love with her fiance. Let her live her life, give her experience. Then she will come out stronger, confident, and know that all you've told her about were words of experience.

Be gentle with your words. Don't tell her: You're going to get hurt. Tell her: I feel like you could get hurt.

Key words: I, FEEL, COULD.

Dont tell her she will, tell her the possibilities. Anyways, some of my advice mite be a little wayward rite now, imma watchin Avatar! /o/ yay blue alien people! :D have fun, keep your relationship mature and friendly, not touchy-touchy. Keep her in mind. anyhoo, howdy doo

Tell her as gently as possible what you think might happen. Explain that you have experience with it and just don't want her to get hurt. Avoid acting high and mighty or making her think you're jealous. Teenage girls can be very stubborn about "love". Trust me, I've tried to talk enough friends out of enough relationships to know. Just try to tell her you think it isn't healthy.

Tell her you've been there, done that, and that it's not good.

If she won't listen, then she's immature, and something'll happen to open her eyes sooner or later, and she'll deserve what happens.

Even if you tell her, do you think it will change anything? She's "in love." Which means that she's one of those people. They refuse to acknowledge the bad in those kind of situations.

You accuse this guy of being controlling and "taking her away from her friends."
Isn't what you're doing shockingly similar?

You stated how you had an unhealthy relationship in the past. You stated how you were controlling.
What was that last part?

You're both still too immature.

In my personal opinion you should get over the whole thing. It'll be better for both of you in the long run.

Since I'm never in a relationship before, my advice may not work really well but:
Simply talk to her about the similarities of your experience and what she's going through. Then tell her the outcome of your relationship.
After, DO NOT ask her to break up or give any advice concerning it. Just tell her to be careful in her relationship.

And for your other question, I do had seen a person who I saw me in past. I didn't feel upset but I do feel sympathy. So I tried to change her because the "her" now isn't accepted in society.

Bumping to update.

Well, I finally did get to talk to her a little on Saturday. I just happened to run into her when I ran to the store. In the end I found out they they are on their third 'break' in a week. He told her "I want to break up." and she went to give him the engagement ring back but he broke down crying and said "I don't wanna break up." He's moving out, thankfully, from her house. Everyone is rather certain that he's cheating on her, and she said he told her there were rumors that she was lying to him and cheating on him and so on and so forth.

In any case I told her what I felt and about my experiences and she took it without getting angry, which made me feel better.

Then the other day I went to my friend's house down the road and she was there for the time being. She was normal, we were even playing LittleBigPlanet. THen when we went out for a smoke break she got a call and she changed just that fast, hugged us all and said she was going to go walk down the road. For some reason she's still with him and he was mad at her, or something.

She doesn't seem too bothered with/interested in the relationship with all that's going on so I'm just gonna sit back and provide an ear if she needs to talk to someone. I have faith she'll see and get away from him.


And, to those of you pointing out my controlling in my past relationship, you're right. It would be bad, and it is rather hypocritical. But if I had never been like that, I wouldn't have known what kind of guy he really is. I'd like to think after my experiences in that relationship, and trust me there were a lot of them, I've matured significantly and know how to handle a relationship now.

And thanks for taking the time to read.

>>7 ...he's the one who broke up with her. Why would she give the ring back? :| Pawn that bitch.