yeah, i know I've been a dick for the past few days, and I've been bumming everyone out. but the reason for it is that I'm trying to be more open. but as i have said, when i open up, people back away. people say its me being an attention whore, or drama queen, but the reality is i have really low self esteem. so even the slightest comments send me into a depression. thats why i dont believe in my self. i know you are probably thinking this is just me being dramatic but its not.
When i try to open up to people, i dont know how because i have never had friends that i can trust so i kind of let it all out in bursts, and then i say the wrong things and this happens.

I know i probably wont be saying anything to you guys for a while, or seeing you for that matter, but in the simplest words... im sorry.

Its not that its literally everything we talk about ends up pointing back to you. The whole perfect image thing and then the art, publishing, and shit thats not opening up at all! Your always talking about how you can't open up and low self esteem but your opening up to random people without them even provoking you to. I get it, you do kinda have it hard at home, and I get that your "depressed" or what ever but in all honesty lately you've just been rolling around in a pit of self pity. You PROMISED that you wouldn't act like that around Zyshi, you PROMISED and you totally broke that promise. Lately you've just been thinking about yourself about your feelings and how you feel. What about Zyshi and Ellis? Ellis has it TEN TIMES HARDER than you have it and shes not going around acting like that. Shes may not be all there but shes keeping together enough to were shes not telling everyone that shes going to go suicide. Shes not going around telling people shes becoming anti social or that shes lonely even though she has friends or that she has nothing to live for. Its getting old REAL old, your not even trying your literally just think about one person and one person only and thats YOURSELF, your not even trying.

>>4 God damn it I thought maybe if we were nice to him he'd stop bitching.
Not that I don't agree with you.

>>5 that NEVER works.

the reality is no one needs to be nice or mean. neither of them work... if you are soft on me, i stop trying, if you are mean to me, it puts me down even further. the best thing for me is figure out on my own. Palmtop, you're right, if i keep sitting here being sad, nothing but bad things will happen. i honestly do need to learn to suck it up.
iv never had real friends like i do now....so iv never learned to deal with it.
i need to build up some self confidence, im not asking for support, im not asking for pity on this one. but now that i know how people view me, i can work on that.
and palmtop kitten, you always tell me to go outside my comfort zone, so that's what im going to do now

>>5 I've tried that and he broke his PROMISE being strict and brutally honest hasn't worked with him either and neither does being nice so now I'm just going to say it how it is whether its mean no not.

>>7 Good cause me and Zyshi are both sick and tired of this self pity shit hole you've been squatting in. AND by the way, you owe Zyshi an apology

>>9 i know i do...

>>10 you better do it soon before you push her away again.

This is both interesting and frustrating.Yet so very predictable though. I truly wonder what will become of you,Мика.What will happen to you in the future?Will you be able to finally climb out of that pit of murderous self-pity of yours?

>>12 He will he just need a little help thats all. You kind of have to beat him out of it.

Dude you don't have to worry about what other say. As I always said fuck em' because you judge yourself don't let others do it for you. I have had plenty of friends before but I eventually get tired of them (because of their bullshit or other reasons). In truth I have only had 4 friends in my life that I can truly call "friends". Im not saying your perfect but if you do have some personal faults then you should just be honest with yourself and fix them; find someone to talk to about it if you need to. In the end you will become happier I promise you. So don't worry about what others say if you know your not what they say, if you do truly feel what they say is true then don't worry about them just care for yourself and fix it. Don't feel bad or regret your flaws, be happy that you found them out so that you can become a better; stronger person. The trick is to recognize what your flaws truly are, and to figure these out you must use your heart and mind to decide. Don't believe what anybody says just be honest with your self and be happy :)