I apologize in advance for all of the oncoming spelling/grammer/puntuation errors.

I had one friend within a few hundred miles of me untill a few days ago. He randomly told me he never wants to talk to me again. The reason why? Somebody started a dumb, childish rumour that the two of us were dating. My friend has never seemed to care about what people think, and then when all of a sudden his social group starts asking him if we were dating, he cares. He's very stubborn and headstrong, and when he says something he generally means it. Which means my sole friend and confident outside of the internet is gone.

I was never very popular at school, because im harsh and dont sugar coat things. I wear boys clothes and recently got a haircut similar to a buzz. The fact that i look different and act different has been the caus eof a lot of bullying... And it doesnt help that i try to keep the few people who try to be nice to me at arms length, because im terrified of being emotionally hurt. Well, look at how good letting people in gets me. Every single time, i get stabbed in the back.

My friends online arent much support, either. The majority of them are more depressed and worse off than i am. I spend the majority of my free time talking many of them out of running away, comitting suicide, or doing drugs. And when im not doing that, im STILL doing that. Ocassionally one of them asks how im doing, and i always lie and say that im fine because i would feel guilty about complaining about my life to someone who has it so much worse than i do.

My home life has never been a breeze, either. My father is manic depressive and schizophrenic, and has never been on medication for either. He's pretty abusive, but has streched of time when he's a good father. Lately those streches have been shorter and short lasting. He yells constantly, about grades, or the way i look, or my grades, or who he thinks my friends are. He has had me pinned up by my throat against the wall.
The thing is, i cant do anything about it. We depend on him to do so much that me, my brother, and my mother just dont have the physical ability to do.

Speaking of my mother, she never does anything. She thinks that if she imitates an ostrich, sticking her head in the ground, everything will resolve itsself. Shes gone at work half the time, and when shes home she is nearly always doing something work related. All of our income comes from my mother, and my father sits around on the internet, buying the stupidest, most useless things in existance. He has never even tried to look for a job.

My grades suck. My parents pick all of my classes for me, so im in two math classes. Im failing both of them. I just cannot keep up. It makes no sense, whatsoever, and theres too much overlap in the classes. Things i shouldve learned from one i need for another. Its just so hard... Ive never been the best studier or memorizer, and the majority of grade percenatge is from homework. Which i have no time to do, since i basically have to run the household. Do all of the chores, cook every meal, and supervize my parents while shopping so they dont just buy frozen pizza and candy. I mean, really? They're both in their fifties. They should know that things like that arent healthy.

My little brother is a blackmailing psyco. He's an attention whore and a liar. If i do anything he doesnt like, he can make things up on the spot to get me in trouble. And my parents believe hm everytime, because he has straight A's.

And, me. I genetically inherited manic depression and schizophrenia from my father. I have two seperate voices in my head, and i see things nearly constantly. I have never taken medication and i dont want to deal with side effects, and im afraid that if i talk to a councilor about it they'll lock me up in an asylum.



That turned out more than a rant than a plea for assistance... But if anyone wants to sling ideas my way, for any of that, i would be really thankful.

Typoed the title... Sorry, guys.

Okay, well this may be a bit of a short post, (I summarize too much). But:

I know how you feel when you said your only friend left you because of that ridiculous rumor, but you have to get over it, try to find someone like you, or broaden your own ideas on things, being harsh is fine, but if you're like that ALL THE TIME, stuff may not go well, is there anyone in your school that does anything similar to you? Perhaps you can go up to them and try the good old mirroring:
Example:
Person A - I'm so excited.
Person B (the mirrorer) - What are you excited about?
Person A - I am _____.
It's pretty easy once you get the hang of it, and if you find out you have something in common with this person A, you can become close friends fast, because after a while if you find someone with interests like yours, they may not even care at all about what you look like and wear. (Sadly I'm a hypocrite and can't do this, but you can!).

For the grades:
I hate to say this (again, hypocritical), but you have to study and do as much as you can to get good grades. School is a tough path but in the end if you get good grades it'll benefit you and can get you into a good college (and get a good job too, if you work hard enough.) You can ask your teachers about the schoolwork and perhaps even try getting a tutor (if you have enough money).

The home:
Are your parents having some mental problems or anything? Other than your dad's depression and schizophrenia. Like, your mother, is she senile or anything? Because that could be the cause of why they may not want to buy healthy foods. How old is your brother? (Give me an estimate though, please.) If he's a brat then you should tell who you can, other family members, hopefully if you give enough evidence you can win at least one member over to your side. I think you should get a family councilor and see if he/she can do anything, they don't send people to asylums without solid evidence that you could be insane (which you aren't, it's only schizophrenia and taking medication is fine, dangerously negative side effects don't /always/ hit a patient, plus there's a low chance anyway.)

Conclusion:
If above confused you (which it may have, I'm horrible at explaining things.) then to put it simply: I think you should look for some friends, anywhere, find new interests, get your dad off his butt and do something productive, get a family councilor, /try/ the medication (you don't have to if you're too scared. I get like that when I have to take pills.), convince family members about your brother (he'll straighten out in a few years, it usually happens, but it may be a little while.), study and talk about the schoolwork with teachers, and try mirroring. Your appearance doesn't matter as long as people see the inside of you, as in, the actual you. Not their view of you. I just tried to help as much as I could, but you're welcome to chat with me and ask for any more advice I could give.