tl;tr I'm currently watching my grandmother, the women who has been the only constant and stable presence in my life die from lung cancer. It's clear to my mother and I that she probably won't live to see her next birthday. We can't afford to put her in an assisted living home at the moment, which means I have to take care of her while my mother is at work. My grandmother is forgetting how to do just about everything. She is unable to remember how to even eat by herself. Really she only knows how to breath at the moment, and it worries my mother to no end. We have to clean up after her a lot, mostly my mom takes care of it, but it seems I'm going to have to and I don't think I can. It makes me feel sick to my stomach, yet when she had an open wound I was the only one able to clean and bandage it. I feel useless since I can't help my grandma with some of these tasks. And only when I think about my inability to do these tasks is the only time I feel depressed.


I've already excepted that my grandmother is going to die soon, and I feel like she's already gone. It's like my grandmother is already dead and gone, but I know she's not and that I can't and shouldn't feel that way. tl;tr

My grandmother is dying, and I'm mentally unable to help take care of her. Even though I feel as if she's already gone and feel no emotion towards her dying. Can anyone give me adive on what I can do to make it easier for me to help out with my grandmother? Also I'm sorry if I seemed to rambleing and unorginised with this post, I'm not really aloud to sleep since I also have to watch her at night.

Personally, at the point you are at, I'd just be going through the motions and carrying on with my life. From what you've typed here, she's not your grandmother anymore, she's a shell. There doesn't appear to be anything you can do other than wait for her to pass away.

Also, take a night to sleep. Just once in a while, and set your alarm to wake you up every hour or two to check on her.

I agree with Umbra Serpens.Exactly what he/she said.

There's nothing you can do except continue to do the basic things that you currently can do. It's alright to feel as though she's already gone, because in a sense she is. The only thing functioning right now is her body at its most lifeless and struggling form. If you've accepted that she'll die soon, then there's nothing you can really do to stable your emotions, because in accepting death, you're acknowledging the passing of time, and that's the hardest part. Before you know it, the sadness will drift away just like she will. I'm assuming you've done your part with being a great grandchild-it shows at least, through the sentiment that can be seen through your post-so really, like Umbra said, go through the motions and carry on with life. I'm positive that your grandmother will leave the world with a nice thought of you, her daughter, and all her loved ones so really, there's no need to be down.

All I can say is to support her in that way she knows you care and that you want to do what ever you can.You sed that you felt no emotion on her and her death but by posting this thread this shows you do care.And if your too tired ask your mom if you can rest or something and let her take over.I once went through that moment your going through right now I felt the same but I did whatever I could to help.Stay strong!

I know exactly what your going through and you have to remeber (I don't mean to sound mean or harsh)but its not about you. You have already accepted her leaving but now all you can do is be there for her. I know its going to be hard but sometimes you have to put on a smile, fake or not, and just do as much as you can for her, the best you can for her and, be there for her until the very end. The one thing I truely regret in my lifetime is not being there when my grandma was dying because I hated seeing her in pain so I would avoid being around her but, I didn't realize what was really important until it was to late. I didn't realize that it wasn't about me, it was about her and I didn't realize that I needed to be there for her, that I needed to be there with her, and I didn't realize that soon I wasn't going to beable to see her anymore. Right now its about her not about you. You just need to be there for her and do the best you can make sure your doing all you can. Stay strong for her because she needs you to be strong, she needs you to be there. Just remeber that when your having a hard time or feeling really down that your doing it all for her because you love her and thats all you can do.

Thank you everyone for your advice and everything. I'll continue to do what I can for my grandmother while still trying to take care of myself and ease my mother's burden.

>>6 You aren't coming across as harsh or anything. I know it's not about me. I was just worried about if this caused/causes me to have a panic attack indused by stress or something else that would make my mother worry more, since I have a history of these attacks. I have been and plan to continue staying strong for my family, even after my grandmother passes.

>>7 I know you can do it ^^ we're all here for you ^^

Aye, I've dealt with the same thing. It's really very sad, but it'll be alright. I promise. And even if it's not, all of the Dollars are here to help you out. We'll all be here when you need us most.

@1 i know what ur going through my mom has a bad heart and at any moment she could pass

I had a guinea pig who was sort of like your granny. He died a few months ago. He was so old.. he broke his hip and was forced to lay on his side. Soon , as his cage got bad, he was being eaten alive by maggots. He slowly died from a build up of fecal matter, a possible infection of his maggot wound, and natural causes. I was depressed for while after he died. I cried then, and i'm not one who cries much.

Suffering a loss is just a part of life. After time you will deal with it and move on. All you gatta do is get trough that sad and painful time. That's how people get trough these kinds of losses.

If you're unable to help your grandmother in any way shape or form, I suggest helping the people around your grandmother during these though times. Support the people around your grandmother because it's an indirect way of contributing to the situation. I'm sure your mother/father/relatives are taking it very hard on themselves therefore you helping them is equivalent to you help your grandmother.

Everyone goes through these situations and what's important is how to cope with it effectively and pave the way for the mental recovery of someone who is taking this very hard. ex: Your parents, relatives of your grandmother.

So essentially, I'm redirecting your 'help' for your grandmother to the important people around her.

My best wishes to you and your family.