So, what do you think of relationship or 'love'? Because I don't really know and I hope I wasn't being selfish or anything to my 'boyfriend'. Well, we have broke up since few months ago... but I'm just curious right now.

This is how our rel. is like:
-When I ask him to not being too close to my bestfriend (a girl, prettier than me, and... perfect) because I felt uncomfortable, is it wrong, or am I being selfish? Because he didn't hear me and well... That time I was really scared that he would leave me and like her more. (I'm quite a pessimist)

I'm afraid that I chained him by asking him for not doing this and that...

-His parents didn't allow him to have relationship until we graduate. So when we were in a relationship, we were doing it secretly. My bestfriend didn't even know that we are in a rel., no one knows... But what made me @_@ is that he said to me, not "don't tell anyone" but more like "don't tell ur bestfriend". I feel like he had somethings for my bestfriend, when he said like that. :/

-So at school, with no one knowing our rel., we acted like we were nothing to each other. And well, he can freely talk to any girl or anything, and it made me anxious. It's like I'm not accepted by him, and by keeping our rel. as secret, sometimes, I feel hurt... or lonely.

He is not a player or any sort of that, it's the opposite. When we are in rel., I sometimes wonder... 'Did he really love me? Did he even knows what 'love' means?'

Because I took a lot of effort for him, tried hard to make him happy, don't like when he is with my bestfriend, wanting him to have better grades, and all other things.

And he, didn't even seems to care if I talk to other boys, didn't try to think what I say, didn't understand why I don't want him to be close to my bestfriend, and often... Only think I'm selfish... and now I really wonder, am I really selfish, that time..? We even fight a lot in the end. And despite how much I love him, I'm the one who asked for a break up that time...

When we broke up, he didn't seems to care, the next day. I'm so depressed and what he do is just... Talk more with my bestfriend, laughing, ignore me, like I'm just a wall and nuisance for their relationship this whole time. I'm so hurted that time.

I want to know, opinions or anything... How is a right and proper relationship works? And do you think he love me at all? I'm not experienced for a rel., only that once... He was my first boyfriend, so I dunno anything at all, and he IS a childish person after all...

And now we are back like some sort of friend, and even now I still can't forget him. I want to stay away from him for a while so that I can forget him, but he ask me to still be friend. Well, not 'ask', but 'force' me... He don't understand that it is hard for me, it seems...

I just don't want to have a same mistake when I have another rel., that's why I want to know T^T.

Sorry if my writing's bad. *bows*

There weren't that many writing errors XD
Anyway,guys can be...well,they don't like showing emotions. Most of them,anyway. And it's possible that he did love you,and just never showed it. However,it's also a possibility that he was just a jerk, because guys can be like that,too. And maybe he thought he loved you,but didn't really love you as much as he thought he did...

And just let me say that breaking up with him was a strong thing to do. And no,you aren't selfish for wanting him to not be with your best friend. If my bff was one those "perfects" too, I wouldn't let my boyfriend anywhere NEAR her. Maybe that's just a strange thing to do,but it's sort of natural,if you're as cautious as I am.
Anywho,here's an idea:
Stay his friend. Maybe not his best friend,but still his friend. If he loves you,he'll try to get you back. If he doesn't, then he's not worth it. You are better without him. Try talking to your best friend,and hanging out with her if he makes you feel down.

As for a "right and proper relationship".....there's no such thing,really. Every relationship will have it's ups and downs. No person is perfect,so neither is a relationship. I'm not too experienced either....but I'm told I'm okay with advice, so I tried,at least. Every relationship will have fights,arguments,and hard times. However,at the end of day,you'll love eachother,....well,my opinion is that how the best relationship would be...

And finally,if you're heartbroken,then just keep this in mind:
Everyone needs to be go through hard times every now and then. If we're not,then how will we ever value the wonderful,precious things we're granted?

Sorry if I didn't help,but I tried owo
"The world isn't as bad as you think" ~$

>>2 I like what you said, wise words.
And for >>1
I really reconize myself in what you're writing, even though I'm a guy. One problem I've as a guy (I'm 18 but it shouldn't matter) is too keep a relation secret, in my country parents doesn't forbid relationships, but my girlfriend wanted to keep it secret incase it turned out bad, it causes a feeling of a prison for a guy.
You did not force this on him so you're not the one at fault, but it decreases the "love-feeling" with a feeling of not being free. At the same time, he cannot show his feelings towards you (maybe couldn't would be a better word) which is also hard, I'm quite sure you can reconize yourself a bit at the least.
ANY guy should be jealous tbh, I don't know a single person who is not. If he asked/forced you too be his friend I can only figure out two reasons for it that are likely:
1. He still have feelings for you and therefore needs you
2. Cause he doesn't want too turn out really bad.
Did you talk to him about all this? Communication is more important than anyone understands I think, if you did not talk before you brooke up, it's normal for the one getting dumped to be sad/mad/ignore the other partner a bit. He might try to make you jealous as well.
Guys are not mind-readers, we're abit after sometimes and we do not try to read everything, specifically if it's about a painful thing.
Childish doesn't for guarantee that he is inmature, even if they often goes hand in hand.
My only advice for you is too speak to him and hear him out, listen, don't interupt him and see what it leads too. He might need sometime to think about it as well.

Sorry for really long answer, I just wanted to help >.>1 your english is totally fine, I wish I could say the same about mine though.

Well, I don't have any experience, but, after reading the whole story, I have a conclusion.
He is an asshole. :D
you're better without him~

>>2 Thanks for the advice. I feel better,and it help, really. :D But you know, when I asked him not to get close, he said, "You can talk to her and I can't? It's not fair." I'm confused and then I tried to talk lessen to her too, if that what he wants, but he didn't really change, really. In the end I'm just making myself tired by that xD.

Now after few months of break up, I try saying that I start to like his cousin, that I'm quite close to. And no, he's not jealous at all... I said, "You don't care that I like other guy now?" he said, "Of course I care. I tried many times to make you talk with him, I want to help you." And that statement just make it worse, it's okay though. T^T

>>3 Yeah... I tried talk to him about this though, and he didn't understand, and even got irritated by it. Sometimes I want to communicate with him but well, our rel. is a secret so we rarely could stay together. That's why mostly we talked in chat, and chat didn't really help, he didn't know what my expression / emotion is at the time, and he often thought that I'm angry by my writing style, while the truth is I don't.

Your english is fine too xD And thanks for the long answer, really :3

>>4 owo" Well, many people say that he is, though xP

Just cause she's prettyier then you, doesn't mean she is better.

>>7 I know I shouldn't compare the appearance, but you know, I'm just concerned about it, I'm quite a pessimist...

And really, she is a nice person, funny, bright, positive, talented, popular, and innocent. That's why I felt that anxious feeling. Because I'm a shy, quiet, and passive-type of person. I can't help but being scared. :/

Thanks anyway. I should try thinking that I'm not lower than her.

>>2 I swear, that almost deserved inspirational music, it was that good.
This one case sounds annoyingly tricky. However, I don't think you were wrong to not want him to get closer to her. If my girl was getting to close to my best buddy, I'd probably want the same thing. Luckily, between my best friend and I, I'm the charming one, but that's not the point here >.>
Ultimately, you made the right choices. At least, that's what I think. If he hasn't tried to get you back, but rather set you up with someone else, he may have always intended for you to get with him and just not said anything. I'm probably giving him too much credit, but I never put it past someone to be underhandedly brilliant after the things I've seen XD It's more likely that he's just a jerk enough to not pay attention to his own girl, though...

>>9 I giggled at the "I'm the charming one" part. XD
Well, even now I still want to get back, but never show it. Thanks for saying it was the right choice. I think I should move on. Maybe I should laugh this off. At that time I was just blinded with love. It was because I'm happy that someone actually look at me and not my bestfriend. (Though the truth is he didn't) =w=

>>9 Really? YOU'VE JUST MADE MY DAY
>>10 Yes,good good. And it could mean he does care about you,but not love you,you know? But moving on would definitely be the best choice. He's a jerk for getting annoyed at you for trying to communicate with him. As for communication problems,well,what me and my....well ex boyfriend did was pass notes. So maybe that'll help? I dunno. But if you're over him,stay over him,because he really isn't worth spending time on,if he's going to act that way. Kay? ^^

omg Hanetsu, I cant imagine that u had to hide that u were in a relationship! That's just horrible!

I would be looking at the person every other second if I tried to hide a relationship.

>>11 Yeah, maybe he is. Even though he is a 'jerk' and depressing, I know that he isn't that bad of a person, so now I don't hate him either... But still, I think I'll do as you said, stay over him. xD Thanks

>>12>>13 Yeah, sometimes I feel like lying to the others, by hiding this. And I can't say to my bestfriend not too be close to him too, or else she would know our relationship... xD