I need help, i try to live on, but its hard with out any pattern of thought, somthing to wait for or to belive in. I don't have spell check so please, bair with me.

The story starts two months ago on the 9th. Im 15 and my true love, witch i dated for 4 years had just broke up on me, the very day I loved her the most and tell her my deapest fealing, andmy darkest of secrets. Later on i baired with it, her dating a girl using, cheating bi' ass hole, not ever 2 days later. We stayed close friends, more or less.

Well just a few days ago i was talking with her mom , Her family is like another family for me, about normal stuff, how i feal, how life's going on...Ect. She told me as usaul just let her go on she'll come back, but then she said somthing i wish i didn't hear. i know it's nothing, but she told me, "Just let have some fun, befor..." Now i can only think of her, an inocent girl, at a tempramintal age of 15, in a unstable highschool, not strait on morals, just doing somthing she will regret and being hurt by people over taking her or abusing her.

And today somthing scary just hapend, i was think i shod just "Clean my self up and get back up on my feat." and i thought this scary thought, "*I could get better and make her jelouse by m-" then i grabed the closest sharp think, a broken plastic fork with just the stem and a proken top, and stabed myself with is and cut dont my arm with it for that thought.

Im scaired, i need help. Please tell me what i should do, a set for my to live on or belive in, or what i should do for this pain. Just please give me help.

P.S. sorry for the long stream

I understand what that feels like, I'm fifteen too. It totally sucks when someone you love does that to you but, you have to keep going. I know this probably isn't the first time you've heard this but, there are better fish in the sea. Its true, you have your whole life ahead of you. Highschool is such a small portion of our lives and it goes by so fast that its easy to get caught up in things, especially in Highschool. Trying to fit in and whatever but, you need to decide now what your priorities are. Life is a lot harder to deal with when alone or unsure of yourself. Find an output, something that helps you with the everyday. My output is helping people find happiness or drawing. Your output could be anything, drawing, music,a sport, even simply going for a walk and having time to think to yourself. Life is never ever going to be easy. Theres always going to be road bumps along the way. I may not know you but, I do know that when the world has PUNCHED, POUNDED, and, KICKED you to the ground that you have the strength to keep going. Everyone has that strength, that will, that drive, to keep living.

If you ever need someone to talk to I'll be there.

well, she is my true love, cant get better of a person, no such thing. we are both broken in difrent places where the other is strong, we had the best love, same morrals. she didnt do that to me, she wants to try new things, but im afraid of what she might do. im scaird for her. but im also scaird of me hurting myself. please understand its not her, its that im saird of her getting hurt.

roght what palmtop kitten said

I think you should let her because in all honesty(I don't mean to be rude or harsh)its not your descision to make. Just, if she does end up getting hurt, be there to catch her when she falls. Thats all you can do just make sure your there to be her output.

and >>4 I'm sorry but what??? "roght" ???

He Ment Thought or Rough. But thanks, ill try to do that, but i need a new thought paddern, somthing to look up to, or belive in. somthing for me to live eachday besides just breathing

Please just help me with this one thing.What do i do or should look for in life to live for, what should i think or try being or doing, somthing to do in my life. A goul, an emotion, how i should feal, how, why. just help me with this.

Well I'm going to need to know more a little bit more about you then. ex: My names Kat, I'm a sophmore in highschool, I love to draw, I play tennis, I love animals, and making people smile is somehing I live for. Now your turn.

Well i can type it here or you can reach me on face book. if so look me up on Facebook.com Name: Zachary Maddux Picture: ^

i can't currently cause i'm not even supposed to be on the computer right now hehe .. ^^ but my parents aren't home and can't track what I'm doing on the Dollar's site but on fb they can

ok ok ok, well when you can, id like to be friends. But Im a 15 yearold, fun loving, fast, acrobatic, freerunner, with a deep asperation to my inner fealing and have a more matture thought on every praspective. my mind lives a thousend years a minet. im exstrely smart, people say im comical, and im always nice. unless you got on my bad side for to long. My True love is to help people, to be in love, and to change the world, teach people in the word of all that is rieches, and awesome. And thats pretty much about my outer looks.

And for any of you dollars, you can allways friend and find me on facebook.

Your different from most guys, from what I can tell. I'd like to be friends too ^^ Well in all honesty I'm christian BASED i believe in god but I'm not some crazy christian trying to force my religion on you or anything, but through believing in god I realized whats more important in life. I realized that I need o be completely selfless, to ALWAYS put others before myself. By putting others before myself i can see how it effects people and the world around me. How being kind and giving even to those mean maliscous people always has good outcomes. I can tell you've had it rough, but if something you love to do is helping people then instead of trying to figure out yourself learn to understand others. Help others find out who they are, help them realize whats important in life. Believe in them and believe in yourself.I want you to find some at your school who you do't know, who just has it completely f***** up and try to understand and emphasize with them and then you'll understand where I'm coming from.

Well, i know everyone, and everyone knows me, i do, and most of thoughs people are my friends. my group is the outcast, the anime lovers, the hurt, the weird. I live to help people, but i need just somthing more to live on. an emotion, why, how. what to do in life. a goul to reach, or a paddern to set. my old thought was to always be with her and care for her, and befor every night, wich she never knew and doesnt know now is that, when my mind is restless in the night cant sleep, i think of her, every night befor i sleep. now i cant think of anything. if anything, just give me somthing to think about at night befor bed.

You're 15 and dated her for 4 years. So you dated when you were 11? I just think you're very young, like you stated, her being a 15 year old, unstable...etc. You too are very young. Emotions start flying this time of age i guess, you're just inexperience with the world. To you she is your true love, but to her you're not anymore. Her mom is right though, you need to let her go, she isn't coming back to you (You said she was dating another girl? Being gay isn't a choice, you can't force her to be straight... Unless she's just experimenting with life...). I feel you are a guy who lives for passion, too much actually. There are other things in life, other 'emotions' too live for. You're kind of young for love, just go out and have fun, get your emotion straight and just forget a little.

Woh what, she said she would come back, she is dating a guy that is biesexual, i started dating when i was 10, my mind works fast, she still likes me. My love is of the purest kind, i lived many years in just a month, i think faster and i matured at the age of 13. i say she is my true love because of the atraction that we have, and i dont meen sexual, i meen how we are conected, and im only going to date people who i love. i think about these things deep, i dont care is people think im an in-expirianced little kid, buti know more than you thing=k, i expirianced alot im my life. My emotions are what o belive in, i dont belive in god, but i live his lessons, i keep my life intacked. what you say is fliped, but i know what you think you know. for 15 im 18 mind wise, but i cant do anything to prove that if i dont know you. And on last thing, When i say she is my True Love, I Mean that "I Love her more than the dead miss living, than lokey loves mayham, She is the one that gives me a reaon to live, on to set my heart on fire, i never told her this but she was the one who stoped me from doing suiside, you can say she saved my life that day, but she is the one i treashure with my life and i made 7 vows to protect that, as death as my witness."

And "i lived many years in just a month" is a metifor for who fast and how noligable i think. befor you say anything.

>>16 First of all, it's the worst fallacy to ever claim you are smarter than anyone.

You will find that some of the most perceptually "immature" people sometimes have the capacity for more knowledge than you, in different areas. Expression often differs from the actual inner workings of one's mind; you're judging books by their covers, and painting your own cover to look like a different fucking book.

You aren't 18 "mind-wise." I should know. I'm 18. I could tell you that I have the mind of a 40 year old sage, but that means jack shit in application; I can't back that up, and it just sounds like a cry for attention if I try to claim it anyway. The fact you lack the humility of a 12 year old is indication enough that you aren't nearly as mature as you believe.

It's also easy to create poetry if you're into that sort of thing. Throwing flowery words at people doesn't mean you actually believe it, and if you are fooling yourself with your own romantic facade, then you have bigger problems than relationships ahead of you.

Take a step back and think about things rationally, if your mind is as capable as you claim.

>>18 sorry, i said im smater than the people my age because most of them are those people who cant think past money or what next chik to jump on, i think in a way than is resonable, but there is no posible way to prove anything, nothing can be provin no matter how you think about it. i cant prove that i have "True" love cause it doesnt exest to anybody but the person in love, i dont make quick judgements, and if you ever saw me you'd know im not just a jocky, gangsta wanaby with falsifed fealings from a book, i just say what i meen. sorry if i affended you, and sorry for the spelling. please dont take it the wronge way.

Don't be so quick to brush off Misuto and anonymous. they are both older than us and have more life expierience and they mean well.

Something to live by could be a goal. what do want to be when your an adult?

>>18 i don't mean to be superior or rude or anything like that but, thats kinda harsh. I mean this is the personal board so he should be free to express how he feels whithout getting chewed out. He never said he was smarter than anyone either.

WEll, i dont know, i could be anything if i chouse right now, but im think about being in police work, to help lives, and save people. not glameris, and a bad pay, but to go home knowing you help somone is all i want in life. if i die saveing somone, thats a good way to die, than be in millatary, killing another human,just fighting to protect a sertant kind of human. atleast i dont have to protect sertant people but all people.

then thats ur drive. my dad is a cop and he feels the same way. so since you want to save lives then your goal is to become a cop thats what your going to live for. live for others not for yourself and you'll be able to accomplish anything.

Yeh, Isn't that a truthful Contradiction, I can do anything as long as i do everything for everyone els. But i know wa you mean, i want to be a cop, and i thought about this alot,to save lives in geniral, being in the millitary is just kill more than yu actuly saveing, and i want to help all humans, but stat small wit just a few american, but as long as im not kill people thinking im saveing people.

Well you see, sometimes in order save lives you may have to take a life, so just be aware of that.

Ill take an undiserved life, but i don't like killing innocents.

Do you feel better now?

So the love of your life cheated on you despite the fact you seem to love her. People are cruel, especially now when stupid things get in the way of important things. The sooner you accept this, the quicker your mind can return to a stable state. You show a form of love that is rare in this damnable world. Don't talk about throwing away your life before you've lived it. Reply back since your case interests me.