i have been through hell. my first dog killed by my ex family member while i was in 6th grade. in 8th grade my 15th birthday was ruined by the girl i had a crush. it's very hard for me to trust woman, because i don't want to get hurt. during my senior year of high school i found out my little brother had cancer. i was embarrassed by one of my teachers in front of class. i was kicked out of my first college. i lost classmates during high school and college. i can't find a job. my life has so far been a downward roller coaster. i can't find any girl who can listen to me because i put on a mask (figuratively). i have been doing great in my junior college, i don't know how to go on. i can't find someone who will listen to me. i have been treated like crap and i have a litte bit left of hope that keeps me going,

Have you tried going to an Anime con, and looking for the most normal nerd you can find? Not too creepy/scary, and a great listener. Plenty of single ladies there that would probably make you happier than any dating site.

I'm glad you still have a shred left to hang in there! Actually, I'm quite impressed. You've got quite a line-up there, and a lot of people might have tried to off themselves by now :T

So props to you for being boss enough not to! :D

I'm not online tonight for more than a few minutes, but I'll be hanging around this thread/board a lot more now that it exists, if you want to just vent to me/us or something ^_^

But seriously dude, it's awesome that you've got something left. Don't ever let that go, alright? It's also good to hear that junior college is going well, and I hope you continue to do well with that as time goes by ^_^

Honestly, things just get far easier to bear when you're doing something you enjoy. Are you going to school for something that you can really get in to and enjoy, long-term? If so, what is it?

>>2 i have,but the usually have a boyfriend already.

>>3 thank you so much, well as my career goes, i don't know im trying to find myself and i end up with anime or video games, but i don't know if i can make it.

Props for hanging in there. Not much people can say, "I've been to hell and back." Life is struggle, it is for everyone...Just because you have to struggle harder doesn't mean you should give up and you're not, which is awesome. You're a strong person and not much people have that characteristic...being "Strong" that is. Being strong means standing proudly, when you can barely lift your arms and overcoming obstacles which seems impossible. It's clear that you've done that, you are strong! Millions of people like you are my idol. The ones that continue to fight because of the little shreds of hope they have... And the stories you people share, my problems seems miniscule in comparison. You are Strong ...Don't lose sense of your strength and continue moving.

>>6 thanks so much. it means alot to me.

im also trying to go back to the college i got kicked out too. i only wish that some girl see's me as who i am instead of my mask i been wearing around. i want some girl says it's ok to be myself and the to cry in her arms and let all my emotions out. it's hard finding that girl.

Well, don't wear a mask then. That's the obvious solution, isn't it? That doesn't mean go crying to everyone you see, but your past doesn't have to reflect your personality either. You can be the most cheerful motherfucker if you set your mind to it, regardless of what's happened to you - and honestly, trying to do that, as fake as it may be at first, sounds like the healthier option.

Dwelling on shit that's happened to you is worse than it having just happened in the first place - because you're letting it continue to affect your life. Gotta live and let go - sometimes it's the only way to move forward.

If there's one thing that people here try to perpetuate,

It's that the world isn't as bad as you think.

Shit gets better, guy. You don't need to wait for a girlfriend to tell you that.

You said you have been doing great in your junior college right? So you do have something. Therefore you should still not give up hope, use it and everything else you have to make you happy. Everyone in life gets their world turned to hell; but if you keep fighting and doing the best you can to make it better. I promise you you will find your heaven. I knew a girl who has had these problems for two years; now she is happily married. Don't give up dude.

Some people say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

>>9 no matter what i do, the mask doesn't want to come off. i want to show my true self but it's not letting me. my past comes to me in different forms, i try to escape from it but it comes back
>>10 it's all i got left
>>11 i don't know if i can

The only thing holding you back is you. So do you choose to conquer your demons or let them overtake and subdue you

Like everyone else here, I greatly respect you for going through all of that and still fighting to find the light (figuratively). I have not been in the same situations that you have been through so I apologize if I offend you.

If you can manage to let down your guard, even for a minute, to a girl who you feel can truly understand the things that you have been through, it might help you relive some of your tension. I understand that is easier said than done but, you won't make any progress to happiness unless you take the proverbial leap of faith.

Ok, this is gonna sound cliché, but if you are deep in a well your only way is now up (dunno if there is this expression is English).
Make a list of everything you want to accomplish and start working from the basis.
Like: if you want to get a girlfriend and do well at college. Start with a daily study schedule and try to meet some new people.
For the mask problem: I had this problem too and I started to work it out with taking off the mask with myself. It's easier to be honest about who you are with other people if you are honest with yourself first. Take it easily and slowly try to work on your problems, don't worry about everything at once.

I don't if this will help but this is everything that happen before I enter 1st grade. Hang myself with overall and a crib, burn my right thigh with a vaporizer, sprain one of my ankle while climbing on a dresser, and broke my left arm. And for my whole life I have a speech delay. Here is something that you might laugh about I got a toothpick in one of my big toe.

I have the same issue with the mask, I can never take it off either. I'm very quiet around most people, and when I do talk it isn't about anything important. People at school or just in general seem to treat me like I'm mental, and my siblings call me mental to my face. so I have some issues opening up to people, except with 3 friends who really know anything about me at all. But I never address my issues, so nothing is done about them. I wish I could do something about myself, but at least I do have some friends that I can sort of talk to, even if I never tell anyone anything personal. I just keep everything locked up to myself. I also wish I could find someone who would understand me and accept me, possibly a boyfriend.

you guys have been really helping me out, but it seems that past whats to take over like a hollow, i know it's stupid, but last year i had dreams. these dreams were a videos of me in high school with someone who understood me, but the dream was a nightmare. it was my inner self looking over that someone, but they weren't moving. my inner self was laughing at me. the next thing i know i woke up with tears down my face.

Sounds overly dramatized.

As sleep said, the only one holding you back is yourself, and how much you choose to play drama queen with your past, justified or not.

I have known people in shitty situations. Really shitty situations - arguably as bad or worse than this. Some of them broke down, but in general, they tried to move forward anyway. Didn't let shit affect them, didn't speak poetically of their inner turmoils, they just let it go and seized the day for what it was worth.

You can take off the mask, damnit. Trust me. It's as easy as putting one on. The only reason you wouldn't would be if you wanted it to stay on. And it's rather likely that you do, for one reason or another - take a sec to think about why that may be.

And be realistic. Neither you nor anyone else can take you seriously if you talk out of a romance novel.

it does sound over dramatized. i been wanting to take this mask. it's been consuming my life. it's has be so frustrating. i hate it. if i let go could find someone who says it's ok to be me?

Shit man, idk.

Stop speaking in prose, I said this already. It's silly, and automatically forces me into a state of disbelief regarding your plight.

The way I see it, if you have time to be poetic about it, that means it isn't that big of a deal. Refer to the second to last paragraph in >>19

i want to find someone who knows what i been through

>>22 I've been through over half this shit plus things that were 100x worse.

You're over dramatizing it. Your life isn't bad, trust me. There are damn many people who would trade places with you in an instant. Just stop dwelling over it and move on with your life already :V What's the point of sitting here trying to remember every bad thing that's happened in your life? Oh, yeah - there isn't one. Get over it.

how would you feel if you lost a pet that you got for a birthday present? how would you feel if person you cared about ruined your birthday?. your right some people would exchange their life for mine, but im not be over dramatizing it. im just tell how my life was during certain ages of my life, if you don't like how describing it deal with it. i thought about ending it. i never cut myself. instead i wanted to run away from my problems.

>>24 You said you wanted someone who has been through what you've been through, and I assume you wanted their opinions on how to deal with the situation.

Yes, I've lost pets I've gotten for birthday presents.
Yes, the people I care about have ruined my birthday several times. My birthdays never go well.

I've never thought of ending my life because of that.
Your life isn't that bad, Neku. You need to thicken your skin and learn how to deal with it, because it's going to get a hell of a lot more tough from here on out.

wow...you know, it's people like you that have my respect. not many people have been through that and haven't ended it yet.since I've thought of suicide many times too, but i want to say one thing.
PLEASE DON'T DIE!

I agree with rolling girl. She actually posted a story about her life and maybe you can relate to the pain. But remember that your not alone. My life has DEFINITELY been different from yours but I've experienced pain. I have been obsessed with this one girl since sixth grade and she has no interest in me. I didn't understand why I even liked her so much. I believe I might have loved her because I would occasionally cry because of the heartache and confusion of my situation. But it got better. I'm in 9th grad and I'm in a relationship now with a girl who I'm on the same level with and I love her. For some reason though, I still find myself thinking about the girl, following where she goes, hoping to be in her classes, stuff like that. But I just do it out of habit I guess. I truly want to just put it behind me and I'm getting there. My point is, we all have different stories, different problems, different lives, but it will all eventually get better if your willing to wait.

*the girl being the one I was obsessed with

i just know where to begin to take off this mask that controls the real me

First of all, nobody should judge if your problems are serious or not, I mean, they are all YOUR problems so you are the only one who knows how you are feeling. Some people can put through more than others, some people can't.
Secondly, again, for the mask problem. I started thinking about it a little more now and I remember how I got it off once and for all: I was myself for one day. One single day without even thinking about what I was doing, pretending I didn't even have a mask. The next day, I tried putting it on again, regreting the day before. But I couldn't. I never wore the mask again. All it takes is the courage to take it off once.
P.S.: Some people don't talk 'poetic' to make it look nice, some people use 'poetry' because that's their way to express themselves. Just saying.

I've also been through hell and am still going through it...so i know how you feel. But at least try to look on the bright side. If things can't get worse than they have to get better, or at least thats how i look at it. Out of all the terrible shit you go through something good will come out of it. Whenever something bad happens don't say "why me" say "try me"
Hope this helps a little... just keep your head up. ^-^

i meant im not doing so well in my junior college. do i have to fight myself to take off this mask? would a girl for a nerd who has been through hell and trying to get out of it? thanks for the help everyone. i just don't have alot of courage to let my true self come.

Stop calling it a mask. Just stop. It's extremely silly.

I'm not even joking when I say to stop speaking in prose. When I say that, I mean stop corroding what could be a serious issue with flowery bullshit like "I have to fight myself to take off this mask that controls my real me." The effort it takes you to phrase that in such an elaborate fashion is effort you could spend to fixing it.

I'm trying to help here, god damnit, but if you can't even take yourself seriously then how the hell am I supposed to?

To refer to something like that like it's an out-of-body issue, like you have no control over it? Bullshit! What you do mean is, you have a problem expressing yourself and handling yourself honestly in social situations. That's really it. It's not a damned "mask," it's yourself and social problems. And that is perfectly normal, when you get to the bare bones of it. You aren't alone in your problem, and once you stop writing poetry about it you'll realize there are many people out there who have gotten over the same sort of thing that are trying to help you right now.

And for another thing, unrequited relationship problems are not a cause for suicide or depression at your age, and anyone that thinks so is experiencing a severe case of First World Problems. They need to reevaluate their priorities, and realize that finding a (relatively) permanent significant other at a young age is not one of the more important aspects of their life anyway.

A girl isn't going to solve your problems. No Manic Pixie Dream Girl is going to burst into your life and turn it into a romantic comedy. Don't wait for that - as a god damned human being, you are capable of solving your own problems through sheer force of will. I don't know how else to tell you to just fucking do it. Sometimes that's the only way to get shit done.

Preempting a couple retorts, in hindsight. Foresight? Whatever.

It doesn't matter what he's been through in the past - people are historically capable of getting over it, for the sake of personal happiness. If you disagree with this, then you also claim that there is no hope for anyone with a shitty past. And to that I say, fuck you, you're wrong.

No, I'm not trolling, I'm just mad at his self-defeating attitude. You can't help someone that asks for help, then undermines themselves with nonsensical, metaphysical bullshittery. Still trying to be helpful nonetheless.

im trying my best to get rid of it.

it seems my "mask" has crack a bit. i been opening up to my friends little by little. it's going to be long road, but i think i can make it.

If i punch you in the face will the mask shatter into 50 pieces making it so it can never be rebuilt?

>>37 BAD SLEEP. Don't be a mean jerk-child.

>>37 no it's something i have to break

>>38 was just a thought. A completely unprovoked one but a thought nonetheless.

the mask is broken, the Inner Hollow is defeated. im not afraid of society, asking for help when i need, and im not afraid of myself

>>41 Congratulations, Ichigo.

I feel like I fell for an extended roleplay of some anime-pandering bullshit.

God damnit, why did none of you stop me

>>43 Didn't even bother reading it.

>>43 because it amused me.

>>43 This >>45

how did you know it me? well looks like a have to change my name a but seriously. i done with this problem. i overcomed my fears, thanks for all the help everyone has given me. it's time to focus on college and not worry about how i look or who i am. i am me and maybe just maybe i can have someone who doesn't care about who i am

"I done"
"I overcomed my"
Are you... a caveman?

sorry i was in a rush,but thanks for all advice.

>>47 "i am me and maybe just maybe i can have someone who doesn't care about who i am"

You have no idea how many of those people you are talking to at this very moment.

>>50 is that a bad thing then?

Wow.
This thread seems very shaky when u read all the way through but if it's real hooray for you >>51
I hope shit works out for you :D

Awww, if I know you in real life, I'll understand you.
I'm mean sure life is tough and all, just do your own thing and be creative too. Just believe in yourself, you will be fine :)

>>52 it's real and thank you.
>>53 thank you

Ohh! I love that, bro. I've been in Hell to see my Devil Ancestors.

I know this is off topic but im really worried about my facebook friend Dante F. Stien. Because some bully hacked his facebook and he really upset about,im sooo upset and neverous i care about him. please please dante needs help really badly and keep in your prays im beging everyone!!! -crying my heart out-

>>55 GTFO.

>>55 I don't think you have any idea what the hell you just did, amirite? That. Offends. People. What Tsubaki said.

Now dude, Neku, I know your life has been a downward coaster, but just look at the bright things in life, yeah this sounds really stupid, but you really should.

>>58 thanks, but i have solved this problem. thanks for the support though.
all i need to do is focus on school and find a girlfriend

You shouldn't worry too much "It Gets Better!" remember that.We Dollars are always saying "This world isn't as bad as you think"

>>60 thank you

where there is a downward roller coaster, it always go back up. give it time

I really cant tell you everything will get better, but if you want to have better moments in your life make them happen don't wait for it. I'm sure that you could make your life better.

>>62 thank you
>>63 thank you