Here's the story:

I have a friend who's been depressed for years. about 3 years ago, she was in and out of multiple relationships. There was one guy who lived outside of our country. (We live in the US and he lives in Germany). She got really close to him and then they started fighting, going on and off in their relationship. Now he is messing with her head, telling her he wants her but doesn't want a relationship (and other general douchebagish things).

I keep telling her that she needs to stop talking to him and every time, she tells me she can't and then complains again about how he keeps messing with her. She started cutting around their first breakup. Then she stopped about a year ago. Well just today in our computer science class, I saw new cuts on her arm. I asked where they came from.

I of course knew she was cutting again. She was telling me the other day how much life sucks and she wants to die and all. I just wanted to know if she was telling the truth. She said that she was re-opening them because she thought they weren't healing right. Well the cuts healed a LONG LONG time ago.

I told her that I was honestly worried and that I care about her. She took almost the whole class period explaining to me why I shouldn't be worried. I honestly couldn't make sense of it all. It just seemed like she was covering up her self-destructive intentions. I know that she is cutting on purpose and I keep begging her to stop.

I know how bad cutting can be. I used to cut and stopped about two years ago. Another friend almost died she was cutting so much. I can't stand to see my friend keep doing this. I've mentioned her going to the nurse (because she prefers to talk to women and our school counselor is a guy) but she doesn't like the nurse that much. I then mentioned she go to the school counselor because he's really good with counseling. She won't go and she won't stop cutting and I'm really really worried. What else can I do???

1. Possible subconscious cry for attention.
2. Tell the kids parents
3. Dont give a damn if you want to stay friends with her or you feel it would betray her trust, you tell her fucking parents.
4. Use the interwebs to find help associations for the same type of people.

>>2 Ding ding ding! Winner.

You can try to convince her on your own all you want, but people these days are too stubborn to listen to their level-headed friends.

Don't worry about making her hate you; there's a relatively high chance you could save her life by doing what Sleep said.

Now, which one are you going to act on. Your friendship, or her life?

I was going to something but >>2 sums it up pretty well.

Ok. I don't know if I should tell her parents until I talk to someone trained. Should I maybe talk to my counselor? I have an appointment with him tomorrow anyway

This may sound harsh, but if I were in your position, I'd walk right up to her, hand her a knife, and say "Do it. I fucking dare you. If you're serious about hurting yourself, just end it right now. Do you have any idea how selfish this stupid shit is? Making everyone that cares about you worry, making them suffer? We're here for you, and we will do anything to see you happy. But if you don't want our help, get the fuck on with it so we don't have to watch you suffer any more."

It's worked before, the shock can really send a signal across. Of course, there's also the chance that things don't turn out the way you want, but if that happens, at least you have the consolation of knowing you gave her a way out, you ended her suffering.


Criticize me all you want, that's the approach I've gone with, and would do it again.

>>6 The whiteknight part of me says "What dumbfuckery is this?"

But then the real side of me is like "Yeah, that sounds about right."

I try to suppress that side of myself, but extremism has been shown to work in some extreme cases :T Can't really argue with straightforward logic like that.

How I miss bringing down ultimatums on people...

>>6
That is a bit harsh. I don't think I have the heart to do that. I try not to be mean or harsh.

Plus, she'll probably start a fist fight. She hits when she's mad.

>>5 both!
>>8 The fact that youre not doing anything is probably a partial reason why she doesnt give two fucks about what you say.
>>6 This an excellent idea

>>8 If she has the self respect to defend herself when upset, then why can't she protect her own body the same way? Hell, that German makes her mad, but I don't see her hitting him.

There are better uses for a knife.

Introduce her to cooking. Tell her how fucking disrespectful she's being to kitchen utensils by cutting herself with them. Then proceed to school her on how beautiful knives are. You can make beautiful shapes with them, spread butter on bread, you can even sculpt with knives. Why would you use them for such violent purposes?

Maybe I got off topic there, but I still stand by what I said.

>>10 Haha the way you put that was kinda cute. But it does sound useful.
>>6 I think I might do what you said, but just not so...mean.

>>10 Bread, this is why I have a secret love for you.

...Shit.

If the above methods don't seem palatable to you, there was something on the Missions board:

The Butterfly Project:
The Rules are:
1. When you feel like you want to cut, take a marker, pen, or sharpies and draw a butterfly on your arm or hand.
2. Name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better.
3. You must let the butterfly fade naturally. NO scrubbing it off.
4. If you cut before the butterfly is gone, you’ve killed it. If you dont cut, it lives.
5. ...If you have more than one butterfly, cutting kills all of them.
6. Another person may draw them on you. These butterflies are extra special. Take good care of them.
7. Even if you don’t cut, feel free to draw a butterfly anyways, to show your support. If you do this, name it after someone you know that cuts or is suffering right now, and tell them. It could help.

>>12
I don't remember giving you permission to confess to my Bread >O

Ultimately, my vote goes to the extreme option (>>6). Yes, it's rather dark, but that ultimatum will likely snap her back to sanity. Only dark and cruel shit like that gets through to those too gone to use that odd device called a "brain" we have situated at the top of our bodies. Worst case scenario, she actually does it. Close 2nd, she cries and gives up, 3rd she fights back, thus proving that she does want to live and all you have to do is point out that obvious truth. Should she not do any of those, tell her parents and/or someone that absolutely will make her stop. Sometimes, doing the right thing means being the villain of someone else's story. "Guess I can't be the hero every time." - Sonic The Hedgehog, 2009

Actually I used to blood let, but only because I was depressed. Not to the point I would kill myself, but it released endorphines(natural pain killers into my body) thus numbing the pain, sharper the blade better the results but there is a chance your friend might be addicted, after all it is pain killers (drugs). My point is this isn't always a bad thing. Theres actually a Vampirism religion that requires the letting of blood and the consumption.

>>2 >>6 These.

Is she really thinking of killing herself because of some sack of shit guy? Stupid teenagers like that really piss me off.

Hey suicide is no joke and it not stupid...

My brother just stopped trying to kill himself. It's not annoying it's sad.

>>1 that's terrible!

My ex gf, of whom i had an online relationship with, cut herself over me because she was afraid of the danger it was to have an online boyfriend. I mean, she was pretty much crying over me! I kept telling her to stop, she didn't stop.
I started to worry about her and now she just won;t stop.

There really isnt much you can do, but I am a cutter too.... All you really can do is try to comfort her when she needs it and be there for her throuh everything. And no matter what do not leave her alone in a bad situation

http://dollars-bbs.org/missions/res/1330569495.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKfSUOcPKvk

BAM!

You see what I did there? I just linked you to the thread that relates to this and the youtube video that relates to this. The Butterfly Project. I know people already told you about it, but I figured it'd be better to give you the links that explain it better than I can.

I think that you should emphasize to your friend how important she is to you...and just...try to reason with her.
I had a friend that would think about dying and cutting herself all the time because of the stress another friend was putting on her...basically I just had to keep assuring her that the suffering wouldn't last forever, that she didn't have to see it as hurtful, and that she could just walk away at any time...suffering is in your head, you know? You don't HAVE to allow a situation to hurt you. It's hard to control....but it can be done.

...also, it might be a good idea to give her some other way to release her pain, since that's pretty much what cutting is, right?