I have a friend, she is my classmate and she suffers from depression, I try to help her but I do not know what to tell her, I want to help her, she's a good person. I need your help.
Perhaps the Dollars Discord channel is a better place to talk about this. The BBS makes it hard, I find. I'm sure we'd be happy to hepp you! Link: https://discord.gg/0ozIdtqVYFbnHY2K
you may also find re-posting in personal may help find answers, Personal board depression sucks, getting advice from therapists or psycologists may help her more in then end, best wishes!
This belongs to the Personal Board, but I'll try to give advice anyway since this is a very serious topic. But please post it there next time. : )
Professionals are always the best option, but there are many things you can do as a fried.
1. Let her know you are there for her. It's hard for a depressed person to reach out to other people so ask her regularly how she is doing, how her day has been and so on. Ask her if she wants to spend the afternoon with you, would like to go to the cinema or watch a film at home with you, have some ice cream together... just show her that you truly care an want to spend time with her.
2. Encourage her whenever possible and show her that you believe in her. Little things like "I know you can do it" or "I believe in you" can help a lot.
3. If she wants to talk about something listen closely and don't talk until she's finished this is important because of several reasons. I'll pick up that topic later. If she is asking for advice try to give some options, but leave it open for her to decide like "what about..." and so on. If you dont know a lot about the situation ask gentle questions like "May I ask...". Now why ist it important to listen closely? First she'll probably ask you for advice and you have to know what she just said, otherwise she'll feel like you don't care and just try to appear nice and that she is unwanted. I'll explain the second reason a bit longer. It doesn't have to be the case but look for signs of:
4. Suicidal thoughts. It isn't rare that depressed people are fighting those, but don't tell anyone since it gets played down a lot or they would get pigeonholed. Warning Signs that the person is probably contemplating suicide: - Statements that show, that she doesn't care about anything and doesn't want to be here anymore. - Mentioning suicide in any form. As a Joke for example. - Giving personal things away to people close to them. - Buying a pistol or any other weapon. - Sudden unexplainable happiness or calm after a depressed episode - having concrete plans of dying. If you suspect that your friend is having those thoughts ask her gently like "lately I feel like you’re not your usual self and are (say gently whatever you feel is wring with her at the moment, you can mention suicide as well. It won't encourage that person, but make her feel like someone noticed that something is wrong) If you suspect that that she is having those thoughts get help immediately. Don't promise to keep your mouth shut when it comes to that issue. There are crisis hotlines you can call in emergency situations as well as ask questions when you don't know what to do. Like I said. nothing like that might happen but be prepared for extreme situations. I won't sugar-coat this matter.
5. Self-Harm. Look for unexplained injuries or parts of her body she tries to hide. Wrist, arm, wrist, leg and ankle are common parts of the body that many people use when harming themselves. There are many methods so don't be fooled. For many people doing this is a stressreliver or to distract themselves from emotional pain. Sometimes it is a kneejerk reaction and afterwards the feel ashamed and guilty. For them it is a kind of short-term solution. but it will lead to long-term problems.
6. What you shouldn't do is playing her feelings down, judge her or tell her that other people have it worse. It might sound logical to you but it'll make her feel like she doesn't even have the right to be depressed. And remember: what some people might handle easily can be a living hell for others.
7. Last but not least there are episodes of very depressed moments that can last Months and better phases. Just because she is having a view better days in a row doesn't mean she isn't depressed anymore or that depression won't come back. There is a reason why people are depressed. It can appear as an aftermath from traumatic events as a child, bullying, a mental disorder and so on.
