I'm glad to see you guys participate in this mission.
Here is some additional info I got after reading an interview with a former 20-year-long chief inspector turned actor and trainer for conflict management, preventing violence and body language. This isn't about sexual harassment only but how to deal with harassment in general.
>>10 You might still find some interesting advice to help you deal with your problem, Dogrl101.
Imagine the following situation:You're sitting on the bus, train, subway or any other public mean of transport. Suddenly, it gets loud and a bunch of juvenile delinquents gets on. Aggressive atmosphere. One of them walks down the corridor and asks for a lighter in a bossy tone. Everyone is averting their eyes…
How to do it wrong:- remain silent
- look out of the window
- hunch over
- play with your mobile phone
- hide behind your newspaper, magazine, book etc.
As a consequence, someone (it could be you!)…- gets harassed or bullied
- is forced to leave at the next stop
- is raped and/or beaten up
- gets robbed
How to do it right:Don't avert your eyes. Don't ignore the situation. Don't rely on others to intervene. Studies about crime witnesses have shown: The more people are at the scene the less you are willing to interfere ("There are so many others who are closer to the victim, I don't have to act").
The gang's aggressive behaviour is an offer to test their power. They check if people will fight back or if they can go even further. Become aware of your own fear and react apppopriately: Put your phone, book, magazine etc. away. Sit straight, and stay alert. Show them that you are physically and mentally present . Keep your eyes on a horizontal level. Try to look confident - even if you have to bluff.
Delinquents are good at reading body language and they will get the drift. Most of them are used to violence because of their parents. They know how to read the atmosphere when their father gets home drunk. They have to analize the smallest hints because that's the only way for them to survive: How will he behave? Will he beat up their mother? Do they have to leave, so he won't lose it? How will they have to act to prevent him from entering their room? Body tension is important in particular. It signalizes them if someone is able to fight back or not.
When he passes, tell the inquirer you don't have a lighter in a neutral tone while looking him in the eye. Keep your eye contact short and look away to the right, you might provoke him otherwise. You can give him the cold shoulder afterwards but make sure he knows that it won't be easy for him to start something.
The whole group might base their decision to continue depending on how attentive the surrounding people are. They usually want to avoid any witnesses if they aim for robbery or want to relieve stress without complications. People who want to actively provoke someone don't do it on the bus because they won't get enough attention. Provokations are more likely to happen in public places.
What to do if the harassment continues:As a (possible) victim:- If you're sitting alone, get up and sit down next to someone.
- Ask your neighbor for attention or help.
- If you're alone on the bus, take out your phone and pretend to be in a heated argument. Take up some space, focus on something across the wall; you can also get up and start walking towards a fixed point. Having a focus changes your posture immediately. Now, shout, swear, spit - do anything to look aggressive: "No way, that's crap! I don't care what you say but you're bringing the fucking beer with you!" - Delinquents don't approach someone with an intimidating demeanor.
- If this doesn't work, get on your feet and start shouting.
- Run away if you can.
- If they are looking for a reason to lash out by insulting you ("You have a shitty haircut!") and you're willing to take a risk, confuse the bullies. Agree with their insult and turn it into your advantage: "You're right, my hair really looks horrible. My collegues told me the same. Toda,y my boss said that he'd fire me if I continued to show up like this. I want to keep my job! But my girlfriend says that she wants me to keep this hairstyle. What shall I do?" - And if they ask you if you went gaga, answer them "Yes". Delinquents will keep off you because they don't want to deal with weirdos.
As a girl or woman:- Same as above but if someone sexually harasses you, never hunch or start smiling nervously. Return his gaze when you tell him off in a serious (not provokative!) tone: "Leave me alone!" - Then get up an walk away. Focus on the point you're walking toward and keep your back straight. Don't flee, otherwise you'll be no different from prey, a gazelle running from a lion.
As a bystander:- Don't leave, even if you feel too scared or too ashamed. Observe the scene closely, so you can act as a witness later on. Take of care of the victim after the gang has left.
- Press the emergency button if there is one or call the police. Don't raise your mobile phone but keep it close to your belly. That way the perpetrator/s won't realize what you're doing. Tell the police where you are and what is happening. Avoid saying stuff like "There are three people, one of them is shouting and probably drunk…" - Make your request sound serious enough for the police to rush to the site. But don't lie! Just describe the situation drastically: "Someone's holding a knife. A boy is shouting that he will get beaten up. Nobody is interfering, everyone is scared."
- Form a team with two or three other passengers before taking action. Pick someone who has shown some attention before like watching the scene or turning around, and say something like "Hello! The boy over is victimized. Let's interrupt them together." or if you are a woman, ask a man to come with you; it will be almost impossible for him to turn you down.
- If you still cannot get anyone to join you, suggest to distract the gang at least: "Let's get up and shout 'Cut it out!' or 'Leave him alone!'. We don't have to go over, but we can't stay seated." - There have been cases where beatings were successfully stopped because people took out their smartphones and filmed the scene together.
- If you're still willing to interfere on your own, step in and shield the victim, but don't aggravate the offender/s. Hold your bag in front of you if possible. Non-violent protest can be very effective.
- Same as above. You can also distract or confuse the perpetrator/s on your own, if you have the courage. Act like a maniac. Start talking about things that don't have any connection with what they're doing, e.g. "Hey guys, I have a different problem. These ladybeetles are driving me insane. They're red with black dots. Or are they black with red dots? Did you also see the other ones, the black ones with yellow dots. They're totally crazy. Do you know what's going on?"
WARNING!- Never insult or provoke the offender/s on purpose! It increases their readiness to turn violent towards you.
- Never stop the perpetrator/s from leaving the site! People were killed because they cornered him/them.
- In case of robbery, never hold on to your bag. You might get seriously injured otherwise.
