I wasn't sure if I should make a thread about my own written things, because I only write things on my blog, so I thought it would be kind of weird in this narcissistic kind of way (also I thought it would be a form of advertising, but I don't ask for money so...), but I don't think it should be that much of a problem...I hope not at least! If it is just tell me. I write a lot of different things for my blog, but I'll only post things relating to my own writing/personal beliefs on this thread. =) I hope you read. Thank you!~

Click to go to my blog and check out some stuff!
I also take requests on writing projects, but that does not mean I will finish on them super fast. I have school, so that's my main priority!

I want to put up a request.

Dullness and despair as the main theme.

http://lovelyfortune.blogspot.co.nz/2015_07_19_archive.html

ಠ_ಠ Stalin? Really?

>>3 lol I had to prove my point in some way.

>>2 I wrote down like a paragraph during class, but I won't work on it until I'm done with what I'm currently writing. You might wait for a week, you might wait for a month. There really is no telling pie face. Thanks for the theme though. It's kind of a struggle, because I can get the despair thing right (in fact I already use the word in the first paragraph) but the dull thing, that's what's hard. How do you make a story about dullness without being dull? I'm going to make the character dull, and have you read "Catcher in the Rye" before??? If you have, I'm thinking of making a Holden-like character, but instead of phoniness, he hates dullness. Do you like where I'm going with this? I hope so. =)

>>4 Nope, haven't read it. As long as it doesn't take a year...

>>5 no worries. It won't take a year. I'll try to stay consistent. If it did take a year; however, it means you gave me a great concept to work with and I ended up making it novel-length. Also, I recommend you read that book, I think you'd like it. =)

>>6 I think I would

Hello Lovely. I read through some of your writings. I also briefly read through your most recent update on your story, I couldn't find the first chapter! Mind if I gave you some comments?

>>7 of course. I would love some comments!

Also, here is the link to the first chapter of my story. It hasn't been updated in SO long and I don't know when it'll be updated again, but thanks for reading it. =)

Link to part 1 of chapter 1: http://lovelyfortune.blogspot.com/2014/10/those-that-which-are-talented-chapter.html

Link to part 2 of chapter 1:
http://lovelyfortune.blogspot.com/2014/10/those-that-which-are-talented-chapter_16.html

>>9 I'll read it soon. I recommend linking the previous and next parts of each chapter at the end of the post.

>>10 haha, if I ever get the chance to I will do that. It's a great idea. I would have never thought of it. =)

Guys, great news, I'm pretty sure I'm almost done with my current writing project, so I'll be done with it by the 17th, make revisions on the 18th, and I'll probably post it on the 19th. It's currently 37 pages, but by the time I'm done it'll most likely be 50+

Hopefully I'm done soon. I've made a spreadsheet on google docs. Here is the link. I made it so that you're able to add comments. If you're wondering, WNB stands for Writer's NoteBook and it's just something I do for English class.

Again, you can always give me some ideas! Not just for stories, but poetry and also my opinions on something (i.e. What do you think about love?) If you ask for my opinion on something, I could write a log dissertation on it haha.


Here is an essay I had to do for English class. I'm not quite fond of it, but read it if you want. Maybe my opinion can still be evoked, even through bad, disingenuous writing.

Thanks everyone!~

>>12
Hi Lovely. I had some free time so I read through your latest writing. So allow me to give you my own opinion.

First let me state this: many people have a tendency to believe that the clods
they meet in high school are society, but they are not.

Some examples of "bad" and "different" could have made your point about society condemning individuality less disagreeable.

Society does not always shun people who are different or strange(unless you live in Japan), it depends on how peculiar or bizarre an individual is. Eg. A kooky fellow who likes poop.

Next I want to say that herd-conformity is not always bad, just as being different is not always bad. But, I believe, if you are different for the sake of being different, because of a desire to be different, it is wrong in the sense that it feels like a petty act of rebellion. But, if you have strong ideas and opinions that may go against societal norms, then you should not be afraid to express them. Eg. anti-theism. Also, when you express such a thing, do not be so quick to call the people who do disagree "society".

It is important to make a distinction between a normal, sane member of humanity and being a sheep incapable of making his or her own decisions.

Anyway my point is conforming is only bad When it no longer benefits you. Quote : "But only fools follow along with the herd, letting an impersonal entity dictate to you. The key is to choose a master wisely instead of being enslaved by the whims of the many."

So, as much as I agree that society may not be kind to those who are different I must also stress that it can also be kind to those who are. Every fashion trend was once just the idea of someone who was different.


Now on to the construct of your essay. I feel it would have been cleaner if you categorised each paragraph. Eg. 2nd paragraph for society's view on individuality,
3rd for benefits of individuality etc etc. Also, don't use "probably" whilst stating an analogy.
It discredits the analogy.

Cheers!

>>13 omg I love you. I wish you were my English teacher!~ <3

Yes, all of that makes a lot of sense. I do support what you're saying actually (and that's big, because I'm sort of this kid who just hates a lot of aspects about society) and I do get it. I think it would have made me look agreeable actually. =)

The matter of the fact though is we had to stick to one thing so me saying, "Well, society does not support people for being different" and then me saying "Society does support people for being different" later on would have been weird to my teacher, because she wanted it a specific way.

That's actually why I put the little paragraph about Mozart, because the teacher insisted I find a historical figure who was embraced for their differences. Even so, I didn't think it did my essay much justice.

Haha, my use of probably is so that the teacher doesn't say, "How do you know that?" So many times my English teacher last year would say, "You can't support that, because..." so using probably was key to showing you understand but at the same time you've got no evidence to provide (and this was only for essays we did based on our knowledge where we couldn't use sources and/or we weren't reading a short story/novel/etc.)

Anyhow, thank you very much for the advice. I appreciate it! =) There's a slight chance of me redoing this essay for a better grade during our winter break, so I can always refer back to this.

>>14

Not all expository writings end with a definite conclusion. It is not wrong to say society supports individuality, but also does not. Since your teacher wanted/wants something specific perhaps you can phrase it like this : "Society only supports individuality as long as it benefits it or humanity."

I don't advise writing analogies like that. Your analogy was meant to prove a point, and to do that you need to support it with fact. When you added "probably" you've basically decided to tell readers that you yourself are unsure of your analogy. This makes the analogy redundant.

Glad you liked my comments.
Cheersx2!!

I have to bring something for my writing group next English class and I was looking for previous work I've written and I found this (I cleaned it up a bit, but I probably didn't catch everything that I need to change lol) Anyways, here's a light story. I think it's so cute!~

So the story I've written just got finished right now at 12:38 p.m. and it ended up being 41 pages and 17703 words (could be more or less after I finish editing), so it's a novella. I've got to do some homework, right now, but hopefully I can edit it tonight and finish soon to post it online for all of you to read. It'll probably be divided into four parts, possibly five. Well, now that I'm done with this, I can start working on my next project which was what >>2 suggetsed. =)

More suggestions, guys?

I feel so sorry. I didn't meet my deadline ;-; I finished alright, but school is calling and midterms are this week, so expect the story to be posted next week.

I'd love it if someone could give me a suggestion for another story. I have to write a short story. It should be really simple. What's something I can write in one or two pages, which would constitute around 0-2000 words? Thanks so much to anyone who gives me ideas. This is for class and I really want to be comfortable sharing this. I could have shared the one I shared with my writing group, but I felt it was too gory for me to share it without creeping out the whole class. And I know it's stupid to think about what others think, but if the students think that way, the teacher will, too and I don't want her too. She's the type to say, "That was totally uncalled for, please never write like that again." I already feel censored as is, do I want to feel even more like that? NO! *sigh*

>>18 What kind of short story? 2000 words is actually a lot (about 6 pages to me) but maybe our scales are different. I would see a short horror story, such https://www.google.com.sg/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=she%20found%20an%20iphone%20outside%20her <- very well written.

It is sad that your teacher would limit you so. But such is a flaw of many teachers nowadays. Good luck.

>>19 nothing scary. That's exactly why I did not share it.
I think it would have to be either something really light-hearted or it would have to be my opinion on something except the opinion can't be anything that might suggest I'm anti-anything she considers good or pro-anything she considers bad

>>20 What about horror without the aspect of blood and gore?

It is hard to think of something lighthearted, for a short story, that will not be boring.

>>21 yeah, so I'm going more towards the opinion thing, except my opinion should agree with her or else it'll be in her words, "egregious."

Ugh, she says we have more flexibility, except we don't have more flexibility lol.

I have a little book with writing prompts. I might just flip to a random page, also I could bring a piece from my next writing project. =) Hopefully this works out.

Op-ed on the Starbuck's red cup controversy

I feel like people are just making a big deal out of nothing.

The Rush of Rain

New short story. I just had to write this. I simply had a very profound experience the other day (Monday) and I didn't want to lose any of my thoughts. It gave me a lot of insight and I hope that whoever reads this gains a lot from it, too. Enjoy. =)

Hi Lovely, it's me, again! Let me offer you some comments and corrections, again! (apart from simple tense errors like will/would is/was)

I liked the way you opened your story. I think it's something that excites people like myself who are fond of romance dramas and stories (lol).

I think "the feeling was far" is very vague, even though it's easy to assume what you meant by feeling. Irony could have been used here. For example.

"We were inches apart, yet so very far/ so, so, far. Also it would be good to take the opportunity to describe the surroundings and feelings in depth here. For example:

The sun was hidden by the sombre fog that draped overhead, but the air was sweltering.

You need a comma after "said" when you're going to describe the how the words were said, or an action. You can also put a comma after 'said' if it is to be followed by 'and'. Remember that a comma signals a pause.

I was not talking for at least five minutes, because I was staring at the ground trying to see if it would tell me the perfect words. I like "if it would tell me the perfect words." But the sentence that follows, as it is, is unnecessary and incoherent. If you want to keep it you could use a semi-colon or merge and rephrase the two sentences.

For example:
I was forcing my attention onto the ground of asphalt, hoping it would tell me the perfect words—simple and straightforward words.

Or

I was forcing my attention onto the ground of asphalt, hoping it would tell me the perfect words, that it would make every word come out simple and straightforward.


Your 4th paragraph is in present tense.

"When I am finished, don't reply to anything I've just said..." This structure is grammatically wrong. If you wish to keep this you would need to use future tense. Eg.
"When I am finished, don't reply to anything I will have just said." (I think, I'm not very sure of the proper form for this structure myself) I understand that when you wrote "I didn't I have to look up to know he was nodding his head you were trying to imply that she knew him very well, but it doesn’t seem like something someone can be so sure of just like that. Perhaps you could say she saw it in his shadow, or make her assume it? Eg. "He nodded, surely he must have nodded"

For the next paragraph, instead of "From night to my waking, I had to endure them. They were driving me insane, I recommend a phrase I'm really fond of! But tweaking it a little. "They bedevilled me in my waking hours, and became the nightmares of my slumber."

Some brief comments and corrections.

Comma before "though".

"Absolute trash. Absolute trash they were."

"Art, so beautiful, meaningful, and sacred to me."

Your 8th paragraph is very well written.

"I LIED down on the ground, feeling the grime stain my hands. It was filthy, but it mattered little to me, for it was I who was filthier/I was already filthy.

I discourage the use of "suddenly". You can easily achieve the effect of the word, which is not very effective in bringing out that particular effect, by stating whatever on a new paragraph. I suggest a more profound description of the rain.

Eg:

Rain fell from the dreary sky. It pelted down onto my head, my skin, but I had no frustration. I had only countenance, for it was cleansing me of filth. I felt the chilly rainwater stream down my face, torso, and legs, soaking my clothes that have begun to cling onto my skin. It was too bad the rain couldn't wash away what my mind and heart desired, and that was Noah."

Everything after is fine in my opinion.

Lastly I want to say you've improved much from the last story I've read of yours! Your tenses are more consistent now. Although I notice you have a worrying lack of imagery in your stories. Remember, a story is not a story if they have no imagery; it would just be collections of emotions, opinions and dialogue. Cheers!

One more thing, I had forgotten. What exactly did he say??!

>>25 thank you for the suggestions.

At this time, I'm probably not going to fix anything solely because the story was very personal to me and I want those feelings to last forever not be rewritten (because you really can't rewrite feelings). As you can see in >>24 the story was a recount of my whole day. Those feelings were raw and every single thing I said in there is how my mind was interpreting things. I wrote this for someone (and that would be my Noah in the story) and in hopes that they'll read it, I want them to see my raw emotion. I want this person to interpret for themselves how I feel.

In regards to your suggestions:

My lack of imagery is apparent, but I also think it's just become a part of my writing style. I do understand that it's needed, but I want to be an emotional writer. A part of me thinks I've been heavily influenced by films where the director doesn't need to use so much imagery that the audience still gets the reaction the director needed. Of course, I feel like to make it more universal, there needed to be some sort of way for me to make this so everyone reading felt like the girl (because I'm sure everyone's had this kind of feeling of confusion about what someone said). If I had used imagery, it would have really taken away from what I was trying to convey and that was emotion. Of course, I don't think I completely lacked imagery in this story either. In fact, I was trying my best to use as much of it as possible, because I didn't want to be so open about what I was saying (as you can see in the story, I'm not a very straightforward girl).

For example: "How did the clouds move you ask? They moved as fast as my mind. They crashed one after the other into each other like the million thoughts trying to be processed in my brain." I thought this was great imagery, because people could visualize the clouds doing this at the same time as imagining the mind doing this.

It made me laugh a bit when you said "They bedevilled me in my waking hours, and became the nightmares of my slumber." Well, I do get where you're going, but I also don't write like that. There's going to be a very rare chance of me ever using the word bedevilled in any of my literary works.

The description of the rain is always going to be as it is. Again, very personal. I actually experienced this. All of this happened to me and the sky did not look dreary to me (because even though the sky is gray, I live in California and if you ever live in a place where it's always sunny, the rain is sometimes such a great thing. We love it here, but I didn't really want to talk about my location. I don't care much about location of this story. Of course, I was hoping that by saying, "It was such a sudden change. It was the best sudden change I could ask for; nothing and everything could ruin this day" that the reader could tell rain was not a common thing here.)

Although, I do really like your suggestions, it doesn't feel like who I am creatively. All suggestions are appreciated though and are good at helping me. Perhaps after I'm done with my next two projects (and I'll be posting something very soon, hopefully, hopefully. I'm going to miss my deadlines and I don't really care anymore.) So if you read the next one, I hope you like it (it's very long though. 42 pages and I still have to edit 8 more pages which means changes are happening to the length of the story as well. I hope you're up to it, but no need to worry, it'll be divided into sections.)

>>26 If you made it this far, well, that was open for interpretation, that's why I never made what he said very clear. What do you think one member of a relationship could tell the other (esp. a girl, keep in mind, that it's me, so yes, some guy told me something that affected me enough to write a story about it) to make them question themselves? What could someone say to me that would have pertained to my body, mind, and heart? Why am I not being straightforward about it (other than the fact that I'm not a very straightforward person)? Those are all questions to keep in mind. You can leave a reply. I'd love to hear what you think his words were. XD

While I understand what you're trying to say, the emotional and physical(imagery) aspects constitute to a written story, parts of a whole. One cannot be without the other, and being able to convey and portray both is to master the literature of the novel.

Writing a story without emotions is only describing events, and writing a story with only emotions/dialogue is only letting your reader read the mind of your character.

It would be good to strive harder for imagery. Whereas for the emotional aspect, I think you're already on the right track!

I look forward to seeing your next story.

And....IDK WHAT HE SAID. Was it "I love you", or "I FIND YOU A SEXY BEAST"?

>>28 you're right. I do need to improve on my imagery. You probably won't see it in the next story (since I wrote it before writing this one and again, main character is kind of a "let me tell you how everything makes me feel" character). You're very right. Writing a story without emotions is just a description and although descriptions can be powerful, they can also be very dull without any emotion.You're completely right. I don't know if you've ever read it, but there's a horrible chapter in The Picture of Dorian Gray. I mean it simply looked like he was trying to fill in space, but it made no sense at all. Just a description of stuff in his house/what he could see. So I totally see what you mean. It would be the exact same thing if I only wrote emotions. Again, it could be powerful, but there's definitely a fine line. Well, I'll try my best to improve. That's all I can do =)

Also, to what the guy said, you are practically spot on (which is shady...lol jk) to what he said, but I will never reveal what he actually said. =) Enjoy. You seem like the kind of reader who wants a definite ending. XD