Hey guys, first Thread on this board.

Basically, I'm thinking of using my weird interest in the universe of Star Wars to start writing a series of short stories based around a kind of Force wielding bounty hunter, and his companions and the like. The story would probably progress to have some lasting plot line, I just haven't completely figured that out yet. If I did keep writing more, I would probably bring in a shadowy organisation, separate to both the Empire and the Republic, as the main antagonists. The time period is set during the Cold War stage, I think that's around the time that SWTOR is set too, I haven't played it though, so I'm not sure. That time is around 3500 years before the plot of the movie.

I have only written a small amount so far, I'm posting it now to give you guys a sample so I can get some feedback. I'm looking for constructive criticism, opinions on whether I should keep going or not and tips/ideas on how to better form the story. This is also a draft, so be sure to point out if I made any stupid mistakes or anything like that.

________________________________________________________

The walls of Freedom Nadd's tomb loomed over Remus as he waited tensely for the target to appear. The tomb was certainly not constructed to be inviting; large, cavernous pillars encased empty chambers, with carvings of terrible acts being committed lining the walls. Panic and doubts began to race through Remus's mind, this was only his third contract, and he still could not get used to the uncertainty. From his vantage in the shadows, Remus checked his equipment yet again, in preparation for the kill and bolt. Reaching into the folds of his robe, Remus felt for the hilt of the Short Lightsaber he had looted off that Sith Inquisitor, all those years ago. Memories attempted to crawl through the gaps in his mind state, in a crazed effort to distract him, but Remus kept them out; now was not the time to think of the interrogation.

Growing up, traveling from place to place, Remus always heard, "only force users can fight with lightsabers", but they had all been wrong. Maybe it was propaganda put out by the Sith and the Jedi, in an attempt to keep the advantage of such deadly weapons, Remus wasn't sure. however, all he knew of most galactic affairs was the kind of watered down shit you overhear in the bottom of transport barges and in the filthy depths of a downtown cantina. All he was sure of was that Lightsabers weren't really that hard to use, it was all in how you used your hands and your mind. As long as you kept a firm grip on the hilt, mediated how you moved your hands, and made sure your focus was entirely on the beam of plasma in front of you, any Joe-shmoe could wield one with ease. Thinking of Cantina gossip however, was it really true a treaty was being arranged between the Empire and the Republic? Such conflicting ideals, peace would never be a long term option. Last Remus heard, the Empire still had the Republic's main trade line cut off, in some sort of deal with the Mandalorians. The Republic must have broken through that somehow, for the Empire to be suddenly offering a ceasefire. Whatever the deal was, the terms wouldn't be looking good for The Republic.

The sudden click of approaching feet on stone broke Remus's side tracked train of thought, and brought him back into the reality of the dank tomb that enshrouded his slender figure. He pressed himself even deeper into the corner, trying to swallow himself in shadow as much as possible. As the footsteps came closer, voices began to squeeze themselves from the silence, too.
"..Preparation..Defences should..Retaliation..."
"Certainly Sir, the…Complete...Treaty signed."
Remus strained his ears, desperately attempting to overhear the conversation between a superior and his subordinate, one of whom was quite possibly his target. Not much information had been given this time, merely that there would be a large reward, it would require an indiscriminate, agile hunter able to infiltrate adeptly, the target was a high ranking commander in the Korriban defence forces, the contractor was from within the target's ranks, and that the target would be passing through this tomb's outer halls around this point of time today. As the walkers weaved their way closer towards Remus's position, their voices and conversation became clearer.
"Good, we all know the likely-hood of the republic striking back is tiny. However, the most dangerous man is the one pushed to the brink, and our excellent lords have certainly pushed the corrupt Republic into that position.
"Our Lords certainly are great sir. As I said before, the Radio And Communications officer informs me that preparations for the sacking of Coruscant are 100 percent complete and the battalions are mobile."

It was definitely him. A sheen of sweat broke out on Remus's skin as he slowly slid to the edge of the pillar, going over the simple plan of execution. Just step out, stab the target and finish the secondary. Swift, silent, simple, the best kind of assassination. The voices were at a mild level as they drew reasonably close, but they sounded like a Wookie crescendo to Remus's panicked ears. Three. Two. One. Go. Taking even himself by surprise, Remus twisted out from the shadows, his robe flapping behind him. He pushed the orange plasma beam from the hilt of the Lightsaber and executed the plan in what seemed like slow motion. Just as planned, the light disappeared into the commander's chest and reappeared on the other side of his now lifeless body, like some kind of fucked up cycle of life and death metaphor. Then, again just as planned, Remus pulled the blade out of the target and slashed at his subordinate, who was lingering in what seemed like sluggish shock to Remus's adrenaline fuelled mind. In his peripheral vision, Remus saw the body of the subordinate join his commander on the floor, now lacking a connection to his left arm and head. Perfect execution, but something didn't seem completely right. That's when Remus saw the third soldier, obviously a fresh recruit, standing in disbelieving silence, holding a large blaster rifle in both his shaking hands.

^

Bumps are good but responses are better o.0