Her fingers danced over the ivory keys as the sweet sound of her voice resounded through the room. She knew that it was after hours but after reading that letter she couldn’t bare to stay at home. Tears still stained her soft cheeks and her chocolatey hues were a bit red on the edges from irritation. Disheveled red locks framed the girl’s pale face and although she was in a shaken state her voice and her fingers didn’t waver in the slightest. Though she wanted to have hope, the words that were written in that letter haunted her.



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Silence resounded like a bullet shot between the two teenagers. Riko knew that this was going to be the last time she saw the love of her life. As they took hands and stepped out into the rain, her eyes fell closed and she let him lead the way to the cemetery. “Rin… I’m so sorry.” She said softly as the rain fell around them. “Riko, It’s not your fault. You were trying to protect me, and I understand that completely.” His voice was weaker than hers. Setting the flowers down beside Shiro’s headstone, Riko bowed her head and then looked over at Rin, who was standing still. She was unsure if it was tears falling down his cheeks, or maybe just the rain. “Rin?” She asked softly and pushed some hair from her face. “I’m sorry, but I have to go…” His arms quickly wrapped around her and he gave her a gentle kiss, the first kiss they had ever shared. As he pulled away, she gave a weak smile. “Good bye Rin, I promise to return. Please take care.” He nodded slowly. “I will Riko, I’ll miss you.” They shared in one more small kiss before she turned to leave, in the back of her mind she couldn’t help but think that kiss might have been their last.

I hate to say it since I have a similar writing style, but you need to have more varied sentences. Combine more sentence to so they're longer along with your standard length ones, and have an especially short one every few paragraphs or whenever there is a dramatic point to be stressed.

Also, remember to ALWAYS start a new paragraph when a different person starts talking. This includes thoughts as well because they also count as dialogue.

Usually I do hit enter and make new paragraphs that was a bad example. Thank you so much for your input it is appreciated. I wanted unbiased opinions