I have been basically hired to work on a story for a man's Manga, and I wanted to share my ideas and story thus far regarding it, as well as two links. It uses general concepts from what we've heard about Ghosts, and twists it into a new story about what Ghosts truly are. Not exactly spirits.

Both provide the same story, whilst the other allows anyone the ability to view, comment and edit the story at any given time. The idea behind that is so if they know my general idea and wish to help with contributions, they can easily do so with edits and thus having more 'community' based story.

Also it uses many things (words) from Germany.

Anyway to make long story short, Geist Auge tells the story of Mitch, an 18 year old senior just getting ready to graduate from Meister-Hoch Akademie. He, feeling great for getting ready to graduate and being the Valedictorian, thought he'd take his normal route to school like he normally does, rather than speed to the school through means of vehicle transportation. But on his way he stumbles across a Grave yard that he has never noticed before. Being the curious man that he is, decides to take a look around the grounds.


To speed up what happens, he comes across this old Grave Marker and accidentally topples it over. The consequences for his reckless behavior has caused the original and first Geist to be released from a seal placed into the Marker many eons ago.

A Geist is an entity inside many beings, called upon by many differing factors.
IE, Pain, Emotion, the physical and mental shape of the body, the 'nearing' of one's own death, and pride. Pride forces the Geist' mask to form, and each Geist' mask is special to each one of them. Pride is power on here. Anyway it's very short, but here is the link for the editable version.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/19BCozLNf9c4Se2OFpA_qSSHUd_aegs-efY2kPWcd7Vw/edit?usp=sharing

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1swNQPNESVucf5dltY2c4_Qv7J4Jy57sm2CbhNWMniV4/edit?usp=sharing


So far I think I have a good thing here, and because I was hired to do it, I have more of a push to do this entire thing. So let's hope it works out, and if you wish to help, I'll accept all of it.

Hmm, have you ever been on TV Tropes? I have found it a wonderful place for good ideas. You could go to ghost tropes and look through some links. But just looking at it, an interesting thing would be to think about what sort of deeper meaning this might have. Perhaps, because Mitch is about to graduate High School and become a legal adult, the Geists he encounters could symbolize different aspects of moving int the adult world. Or perhaps he has a Geist inside of him? I would like to hear more about the mechanics of the Geist, what they do, how they form, more details on their energy source and powers, ect.

I've updated the story. Follow the link and you'll see. If you wish to edit some, post on here to let me know before hand.

Then when you do, go ahead and commence to editing/adding what it is that you so wish.

I've edited more.

Also even though I allow people to edit it, I also do have a set plan for this. So I can't really explain "aspects" of why he becomes a Geist until later on.

Someone from here keeps going and editing it into things like "DICKS, PENIS" and shit. But jokes on them. Each time I edit one, I copy and paste the edit into a non-editable version so no one else can fuck with it.

Plus I normally edit the non-editable version first, then copy that over to the one anyone can edit.

Either way, they can't truly mess with my work.

A stupid question, but what should the title mean in English?

>>7
Ghost Eye: Forgotten Mask.

Or Spirit Eye: Forgotten Mask.

Thought so. The thing is that at the moment the title isn't correctly translated (that is if the false translation wasn't on purpose), because every word was translated on it's own and not as a whole. The correct translation would be "Geister Auge: Vergessene Maske" and yeah... (Btw, no offend ^^")

I'll change everything after Geist. Geister is odd sounding, whilst Geist is easier on the tongue/

>>11 I c, well it's up to u ^^ btw, I really like the story up till now, u r doing a great work, keep it up !

I've updated the story.

Any feed back from you all?

>>14 well as already mentioned, i really like the story, thus far, though in my opinion, i think that the time details which state exactly how long sth happens, are a bit too much of unneeded information... (then again, no offend)

>>15

Not really unneeded as given it is actually part of what happens in the whole story, it'll be very helpful later on.

>>16 i c, well then can't wait for more ^^

This is interesting, the word "time" seem to appear a lot in the most recent paragraph. Doesn't have anything to do with Zeitgeist, does it? Probably doesn't. Still, interesting an concept, though.

So, what genre would this fall under? Mystery-Adventure? Conspiracy Theories?

an interesting*
hate how copy/ paste messes things up.

Anyways, onto more concepts. If Pride = Power, is there an equal and opposite force to this? Like your average equilibrium concept, Light/Darkness, Good/Bad, or maybe everything could be in the grey area, where both ends of the balance blend.

If Pride and respect mean something, humiliation and disdain could also have a deeper meaning.

By the way, I'm the one who edited the
"?From each grave to the next". Forgot to post.

>>19

I do like the "Ying/Yang" approach you just suggested, and actually planned on doing something along those lines.

Anyway I've updated it yet again. This time with a tad bit of back story. Not yet finished.

>>18

Genre wise, Fantasy/Action-Adventure/Suspense

I've been updating this story bit by bit and wanted to pass on a little plot twist plan onto here to see how it'd be before actually implementing it.

Anyway, here it goes.

The guy named Tick actually works for a Secret Governmental group/society and he was ordered to watch Mitch and join all of his classes just for the off chance of getting him to stumble upon the Grave Yard.

He works for the society that controls everything in the shadows, and wants to obtain the ancient Geist' that they learned about via ancient books and tomes.

Just making a list of current characters, as well as some possible characters to come.

Mitch: Protagonist of the series.

Tick: Mitch' rival and best friend.

Exogeist - Robotic counterpart to the Geist, created by a secret Governmental Group out to find the location of the Auge, and in turn, use it to release their inner Geist. They created the Exogeist after finding the tomes explaining to them about the Geist.

Question! : Isn't Geist a power?
Are the Exogeist characters (canon fodder) or are they...like guns are to magic? the human made counterpart to the power? Is it a rip-off version of the Geist/ duplicate/ cheap copies? similar to the quantity over quality most groups that are against a powerful protagonist use?

Tick gives off the support technician feel. Just wondering, because nothing's been mentioned on the Exogeist. Last thing - does it have any draw back/ catches/ symptoms when used?

>>24

Exogeist are a mix of canon fodder and "Gun's to magic'. They basically can do everything the Geist can, but to a lesser extent than most 'experienced Geist'.

Also Tick is sort of like that, but more of a 'Master of all trades' deal.

Lastly, the draw back to the power is losing more of your human pride as you use the Geist. Thus you begin to turn into a mindless blank.

Basically blanks are what you'd call GHOSTS in my story.

I see, so it ends up with quantity over quality as usual~
So, story wise, pride is a finite power source? Do these Exoqeist run on pride as well? (Or some sort of compensation?)
If so, can the Geist users take advantage of that?
Or maybe they're powered using ghosts as an energy source?

The concept from "Metal Gear : Rising" comes to mind where you rip up canon fodder for energy to recharge your powers.

People with no pride turn into Blanks/Ghosts..that seems like a really quick transition, to be honest. Then again, it only says "begin to turn into". Does this work in stages? It'd be uninteresting to see people turn into ghosts just because they ran out of pride, in my opinion.

Situations could probably be expanded if say....they only turn into a blank/ghost if they die with their pride depleted. Which could tell the story on how Geist users fought to their very last (using up their pride) then died, turning into a blank.

Making the process of turning into a blank as horrible/ extremely painful as possible could also remind people of the consequences of over using their Geist. Examples like, things eating away at your mental state, slowly getting your consciousness ripped out from your body while being fully aware of it and such.

..though they do say blank slates (Tabula Rasa) have the most potential. so there could be stages to being a blank, and what happens after the "blank" stages as well.

Just me wondering and making wild guesses. Don't mind me.

I'd have thought Tick was a "Jack of all Trades", master seems a bit...excessive. Or not?

>>26

Jack of all trades, yes. I couldn't think of the world 'Jack'.

Secondly, Exogeist don't run on pride. They are just purely mechanical, thus the only source of their power is Electricity.

Also there will be stages of a blank as well as each stage also physically and mentally showing.

(They basically can do everything the Geist can, but to a lesser extent than most 'experienced Geist'.) - And they're powered by electric. I can easily see these guys running down experienced Geist users like ants taking down an elephant, with sheer numbers. Physical and mental signs per stages...

It'll be interesting to see where this goes.

Anyone who has read it so far, and likes it, if you wish to have any original characters of yours added to the story, submit them on this topic with their age, name and if there is a unique power/ability they have, then mention it. But make sure the power is somehow based on the power of the Geist.

For instance, I plan to have many differing abilities for a lot of characters and their abilities were derived (better yet, originated) from the Geist.

I have read through the story twice as it is thus far, and I still don’t get it.
It could be that I don’t get it because my English isn’t that good, but what exactly is one capable of doing with the power of the Geist? I mean I get that it’s a sort of supernatural power, and I also understand how it is obtained, because it very well explained in that yellow box. But what can one do with the power of the Geist?
As an example Esper or ESP abilities have a different power depending on the user, one can read minds, the next can teleport, or manipulate electricity.
Is the power of the Geist something similar? Or is it something else? Or did I completely misunderstand what a Geist is?
Sorry if this question is stupid,^^” but I am really confused >.<

I'd rather not explain it yet. Because later in the story, that is when it explains how each Geist power differs.

Ok, ok, i c. Then i shall wait ^^

Is there an estimate on how many books/ chapters there'll be to this story?

Ok, I can't figure out how to edit this thing, but in the paragraph after the one that contains Mitch's second line of dialogue, there is a sentence that says, "The bleat call of the timeless wind shuffling". I can only assume that ^this word was supposed to be 'bleak', unless the winds of time are for some reason sheep lol. So someone please fix it it's bothering me.

I've updated the story some more. I'm getting into the good stuff, now.

Any opinions on the new updates?

I've put everything I disliked in Italics. Everything else seems fine to me. But that's just my opinion.

Soldier: You’re in no damn position to be asking any questions you shit-stain. But if you’d like to know, you’re under arrest. - sounds slightly tacky.

IMO it sounds better like this -
Soldier: Don’t move...stay where you are brat!
Mitch: Wh--what’s happening!? What the fuck did I do!?
Soldier: You’re in no damn position to be asking any questions kid, you’re under arrest.

For two reasons, if he's in no position to ask questions...a soldier wouldn't be in the position to give away information as well, making the soldier seem more cold and professional. + it highlights the scientist's conservation

This-
Mitch: You think I’ll just allow you to take me without a fight, you stereotypical sounding, German bastard!?
Remove "stereotypical sounding" - I don't think it flows in conversation, unless they are being questioned, e.g- the person I talked to sounded like your typical German.

A spy selling out his own son? Did his dad knew he was going to get his powers? So it wasn't accidental? I thought he only got his powers at the grave yard? or did he get them before? It's getting really confusing.

The way the conversation's going....it sounds like two preschoolers arguing. Maybe have the soldier gag mitch with a "You have the right to remain silent"- letting the scientist speak and explain what they are about the AR,
"What lead us to you? your very own father of course." he's a spy etc, etc.
with, - "your expression tells me you do not believe me, why, your very own mother etc, etc..

Allowing only the scientist to speak will make him sound/look more important, while making it a one way street conversation, which should show how much more important said scientist is in comparison to mitch. Again, just my opinions.

The editable version isn't updated.
Anyways, if we're assuming this is the start of a normal power-type story, main character will normally be overly under powered and full of angst. By allowing him to speak, we're seeing angst everywhere....which is starting to annoy me. An otherwise linear story plot that seems okay so far..

Well soldier wise, I want him to sound unprofessional. I will redo his part to make it not sound so rushed, but I do want it near the same way, so the Scientist can hush him.

I've updated the story some more. Will do some more of it later on tonight.

Uploading a quote on here as an image.

Bumping this back up as I've updated the story some more.

Bumping this back up with the link.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/19BCozLNf9c4Se2OFpA_qSSHUd_aegs-efY2kPWcd7Vw/edit?usp=sharing

Bump.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/19BCozLNf9c4Se2OFpA_qSSHUd_aegs-efY2kPWcd7Vw/edit?usp=sharing

Bump with new updates to the Geistauge story. It is now 46 pages long.

Chapter 1 is done.

There are 80 some pages created out of this (I have to look again) but I"m bumping this back up to the top.


I will leak out a little bit of information regarding who the main villain is (the antagonist) for the entire story.

No joke, it's Hitler. During World War II in REAL life, the Nazi organization studied and experimented on two major foundations of their time; technology and the supernatural. So my story mixes real world groups, places and events and places them into my story, while the location the story takes place in is fake.

Anyway Hitler became infatuated with the power of the Geist when he awoken his own, and began to experiment by trying to recreate his own power into the form of technology. When they thought he had died (Hitler's last stand) what really happens (in my story at leas) is they place him into cryogenic suspension and begin to implement a series of machinery into his body, that will be used for the transfer of memories from his mind into that of his offspring. There were massive loads of failed attempts who weren't blood related, and what they didn't know was that any person connected, will also have their memories copied and placed into Hitler's mind. When he finally does awaken, he'll not know who he is, but rather know he is everyone yet no one due to hundreds of thousands of different, contradicting memories. He'll then go crazy and with one distinct and large memory, try to open up the gate to the Geist alternate reality, and destroy both his and theirs from in between gates.

He is going to also appear cool with being part robot, but also super grotesque at the same time and when he uses his Geist powers, it'll consume his human side and then all of his humanity will only be a memory inside the body of a monster.

The memory part with the machine is made to keep Hitler's goals going alive. There is also a massive city called Emperor City wher under it is a massive city underground used as their headquarters coined the "City with Iron Skies" that actually is both cities, created to open up the temple of 'the gate' which connects the temple to their city, creating a massive tower of energy and metal leading to the moon (the moon is the gate that connects both worlds) and then the entire city/temple/tower is called Euphoria.

Bumping this up and addressing something I think I forgot to, to Wing.

The Graveyard Marker is just a specific plot location in the story. Basically it's appearance will mark the start of a very catastrophic event.

It also was used as a way to awaken Mitch's powers. It was in a slumbering state for so long, that it needed a powerful force to stir it.

It wasn't going to be that way, it was going to be where that is how he obtained his powers, but my way now just feels right.

I've only read a tiny bit of this thread, but the idea sounds really cool so far.

>>53
Just go to the most recent link and you'll find the story.

My story is now at 100 pages, with only 2 chapters. I'm not even done with Chapter 2, yet.

It'll have a lot of pages by the time I'm done with the entire story.

Bumping this up.

The Manga of this will begin it's first stage of production starting April 24th, 2014, on the last week of April.

We've decided that the first release (chapter) will be free to everyone, while the rest will be sold.

It has begun it's production.