I'm writing a book and am interested in what you guys think of it. Yes I am aware its a bit depressing, but this is kinda like an autobiography cuz this is what i feel like doing almost everyday.

My mother use to tell me I was a phoenix rising towards the sun out of the ashes. It was wishful thinking. I was a parasite feeding off everyone else, destroying everything and everyone in my path.

I felt the heroine take its place in my veins. I felt the rush consume me, tranquility overtook me and even with the banging on the door I felt a sudden sense of peace and happiness. I could vaguely hear Mouse banging on the door begging me to stop. But it was too late I didn’t want to feel the pain of losing her, forever. I remembered the first time I met her, that rainy day. I wish I hadn’t because maybe right now I wouldn’t feel so….lost.

It started months ago; I’d gotten into a fight with Mouse and was no longer welcome in her house. I knew I had screwed up for the last time. I had never meant for Mouse to get hurt. I only needed a fix. But that “fix” cost me a whole lot more than it was worth. I’d finally done it. I hurt Mouse. Nothing in this world could change that.

I took one last puff as the bus made its final turn towards me. It pulled up; I could hear my heart thumping in my chest as the bus driver gave me a questioning look as I sat on the curb. With all my heart I tried to get up to find some way to keep myself from doing it. But I couldn’t, I just stared at the cracked asphalt trying to bleed the pain away. My arms bore the ugliest scars. Gnarled and white like the dry, twisted barren trees of the desert. I was alone. Who could love me? I messed up every good thing I ever had. My father was right to say I was worthless. All I ever did was take up space and make the people I loved suffer. I was thinking a thousand things a minute. Would I be better off dead? Who would notice? Who would care? I just wanted all of it to end. I didn’t care how I’d ruined everything caused so much pain.

It just needed it to end.

So there I was, sitting on the curb waiting for the streets to darken and the lights to come on. I was then that it started raining and I heard the sudden thunder. I looked up at the sky praying that maybe someone would come out of the darkness and save me. That maybe I could be saved and that little ray of hope in my heart would grow and the gray clouds over my heart would dissipate and that ray of hope would grow and shine. But there was no answer I looked up at the sky and let the rain fall over my face. Letting it drench my whole being.

The heavens were crying.

I wouldn’t be getting an answer tonight.

So out of my bag I pulled out a gun and set it to my temple.

I looked up at the sky once more trying to will myself to put the gun down. But I couldn’t I just needed it to end. I took the safety off. It was going to end now.

I closed my eyes and let my world go blank...ringing filled my ears.Phone.My phone.

I picked up the phone," Hey,man.You ok?" Weezer? Why was he calling?, " Mouse told me what happened. You alright?" silence.
"Hey man you still with me?" I gasped for breath."I-I-I have a gun Weezer.I-I can't do it any more." pause.

"Don't do anything stupid,kay? I'll be right there." pause. "I promise"

I took a deep breath,"No. Not this time." My eyes became hot with tears. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, for the pain I've caused. For the people I've hurt."

"God Dammit Eyal Ceron Byral Amadais!"

*heroin(I'm assuming you were talking about the drug)

Also, her name is a bit...how to put this nicely, mary-sue-ish. I'd pick something a bit more normal, I understand you want an original name, but a name that strange just distracts from the story.

Otherwise, it's ok. Pretty good grammar and spelling.

It's a dude and thanks fo rthe feedback :)