ok so i started to write this in class and i kinda just put myself smack in the middle of a story and i don't know what to do next uhm this is what i wrote.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was dark...I walked in and it was like the inside of a little light up disco ball toy that you could win from an arcade. At once I knew why I came here. It was a rave. and how much as I loved raves I had a primary objective I had to find him...he was in here somewhere and I needed him to pay...for all of the misfortunes he put onto me. I could not be sidetracked and although I loved the music I had to keep my head in the game...that's what this is right? A game...and it was one I needed to win. But as I walked by a strange girl with light blues pigtails that were abnormally long a song came on, and the whole time I was growing weaker. The urge to dance was...well it was overwhelming I had to dance...I needed to dance, and well I did. We looked like a flash mob all of us dancing in unison...to a song one song in particular ....it was the Hare Hare Yukai.... the only irresistible song to dance to and I was having so much fun.....then it happened I don't know why but everyone started to move away from me then I saw it my name and my face were displayed on the big screen... and I was depicted as an enemy...I can’t get over it...those looks of disgust everyone seemed to be my family but now they all hated me they looked so afraid and angry at me i just wanted to curl up ....but then i heard a voice "hey...what are you doing in my club? ....Ryuhei?" it was his voice...this was HIS club...the look on my face could be described as anger, fear, and disgust I wanted this guy dead, he looked at me his smug little face.. I hated it "hey why don't you talk you mute bastard?!" he screamed at me I didn't respond with words. I took out my orb to fight I turned it into a sword...they told me it was the best weapon to use against this guy so I chose it then he looked at me and said "ooh you came here to KILL me?!" the look on my face told him that what he said was true so he said "OK if it’s a fight you want" he pulled out his sword "it's a fight you'll get"

No. Just, no.

That is NOT HOW YOU USE AN ELLIPSE.

You only use "..." when it's filling in a gap in a quote or showing hesitation in dialogue. Do |not| use an ellipse in the actual narration. No matter the situation, be sure to only use it once or twice every few pages; ellipses just look bad and take away from the flow of the story.

On another note, let me teach you how to use dialogue.

CAPITAL ext text text textCOMMA SPACE QUOTATION CAPITAL ext text textPERIOD/COMMA QUOTATION CAPITAL ext text text.

Every sentence has to start with a capital letter.

You have to have a comma or a period before you can put a quotation mark.

Whatever is in the quotations has to start with a capital letter.

You have to end the quote with punctuation (comma, period, exclamation point, et cetera) before you can put another quotation mark.

If you end the quote with anything other than a comma, whatever comes after the quotation mark has to start with a capital letter. The ONLY time you can have a lowercase letter after a quotation is if you ended it with a comma or a dash. You should ONLY use a dash if the narration is sharply cutting into the sentence, and it should only be used at the end of a quote.

You should always avoid starting a sentence with, "So."

You should ALWAYS capitalize your I's. That's not something you can slack off on.

You should separate different thoughts within a sentence with commas.

You should always avoid capitalizing full words (ex-KILL) in your sentence. Instead, use italics (ex-kill)

Bad Example:
they told me it was the best weapon to use against this guy so I chose it then he looked at me and said "ooh you came here to KILL me?!" the look on my face told him that what he said was true so he said "OK if it’s a fight you want" he pulled out his sword "it's a fight you'll get"

Good Example:
They told me it was the best weapon to use against this guy, so I chose it. Then, he looked at me and said, "Oh, you came here to kill me!?" The look on my face told him what he suggested was true. He said, "Okay. If it’s a fight you want-" he pulled out his sword, "It's a fight you'll get."

I'm sorry for being harsh, but please at least try to proofread your work before you post it online as literature.

Although, you may need to have a capital after a dash at the end of a quote. Not sure, tbh; I kind of think it can go either way.

>>2 THIS.

Holy crap. I had this huge thing written, and my internet decided to screw up on me. Mkay, summery time. You can't make it all one big paragraph. You have to make new paragraphs everyone someone speaks, switch scenes, and switch ideas. It gives me a head ache just looking at it, much less reading it. Same goes for the ellipses.

Also, I have no idea what's going on. One moment she's (if it is a she) dancing, and now she's crossing swords with some guy. Where is she, who is she, who is he, and why. Explain those. Also, go more into detail. What does she look like, what's he look like, what does where they are look like.

thanks man i'll use your pointers for good

oh and i was looking for pointers on the actual story..not grammer thanks. insesitive people.

>>6 Without grammar there is no way to understand any story. It helps us communicate as clear and effectively as possible.

>>6 Your grammar was so bad that I didn't even know there was a story behind it. I was too sick and distracted to know that there was anything meaningful written in that block of text.

Before you ask for help with a story you're writing, learn how to write in the first place. Please ;-;

Fix up the grammar, stop the '...' and you might have yourself a decent story. I noticed even in your reply >>6 you did that '...'. PLEASE give that a rest, it is very hard to read a big slab of writing when that appears at the end of every sentence.

A good way 2 fix grammar is 2 read it out loud 2 yourself. My creative writing teacher from back when I waz in high school taught me this. It actually works really well, u should try it. It might help u with ur writing.

>>10
You talk about grammar, and yet "U TALK LIKE THIS"?

Don't talk about grammar when you change your "you's" to U's.