Can you share your opinions on this? I have no idea where I'm going with this. It literally came out of nowhere.

In this dark room, my thoughts brew. My eyes lit up at the dream that bubbles up towards the top of my head. I shuffle my body about like a rag doll with the blanket acting like a net over a poor helpless antelope, staring deep down the barrel aimed at him. Under blue skies, I drown in the ocean of grass, reaching and stretching towards the ever so far mountains that lay before me, like sky scrapers, except beautiful…and natural. The tranquil, calm piece of landscape lay out of reach as I lay suffocated by the green surrounding me… Like everything in my life. The dainty sunlight crept through the blinds of my windows, and my dark room is no more. Neither is my dream, a trapped animal throughout the night will squirm. Will it dream? Or will it scream? Let the hunter decide.

Reword a few things, change the format, and get a good rhythm going. That could easily be poetry.

It sounds interesting, but it's definitely just a start. Be careful with your tenses. Like >>2 said, I would reccomend you make it poetry rather than prose. Present tense prose is just weird, but it tends to work well in poetry. There's some decent imagery; however, it's also a little difficult to understand.

Be careful with the elipses(...), because you can make great pieces of literature sound like they were written by a seven year old just by misusing or overusing it.

>>3 I wasn't paying much attention to sentence structure, grammar, and format, but you have a point. I was paying more attention to the words. Now I really want to fix it.

>>1 You don't understand how badly I want to fix that. I won't even change the words, because you use good imagery and describing word. Just the punctuation. It's killing me.